Never a problem now is. How do we fix it?

[sadwife]

DH and I been together over 12 years. I had had other partners, he hadn't. We always had a really good friendship and even though I had hang ups about how I felt about sex (me wanting it, and why, and the reasons why I felt upset when he didn't) it really didn't seem important as our relationship wasn't based on that. We had a really strong friendship as well.

Had kids. Tired. Prefer to sleep and read. Both felt the same so no problems.

Now we have a problem. I am not getting what I want from him and feel rejected when he says no/can't do it and feel crap when I feel like I am begging.

I have been getting attention from elsewhere that can never be consummated and I want to feel that excitement with my husband. I love him so much.

How do we get that back?

anyone?

I'm sorry, I have no useful advice but didn't want you to go unanswered. Do you go out together at all? Maybe you need to have some nice evenings out and time alone to discover each other again, rather than just being mum & dad.
I hope someone with more advice comes along soon x

We never go out in the evenings and you are right that we are mum and dad and not husband and wife anymore. I accept things change and the kids come first but they have taken over everything and I feel sad for us.

talk to me

I dont know what to say. Have been in that position, but left in the end (due to other things, but that was certainly part of it). I used to feel so utterly rejected, and it totally broke my self-esteem.

Nothing I/we tried worked, so I cant offer any advice. But just wanted you to know its not just you xx

I really appreciate the support and are sorry you have gone through this too.

I suppose I have no right to complain as it was always like this really but I felt the same. Now I don't and it has been excasabated by an old flame getting back in touch who feels the same.

He has just told me when he might be free and my blood is running cold at what it will mean for my marriage.

I feel so stupid as it is the only thing wrong with our marriage and it seems so pathetic.

you are me

it scares me that I would be so stupid to throw away my marriage for sex.

Hubby is ringing me in a minute so I am off to talk to him and try and sort this out.

He has no idea I have talked to old flame.

Get him some Viagra for Christmas

Just had a very honest chat with hubby.

Need to stop with the other one now.

Thank you for your support.

You have done the right thing and will be glad you have. Thank you for being honest enough to post about it and allow me to vent too. Good luck and have fun.

He has just said he is knackered all the time (young kids/stressful job) but we were never at it all the time before.

We did the other night, very nice, then I was back to thinking/talking about the flame and dh said he can't win if he does or he doesn't it is back to him again. And Dh knows I am wanting it because I have been thinking about the other man/talking to him/eamiling him so no wonder he doesn't want me.

I am a very bad wife but I am going to make it up to him.

it seems to be a very common problem but also v taboo.. (may be even the last)..am also at where you are and know exactly what you are going through..Really hope it works out for you.

I have no desire for the old flame to leave his wife for me. It is just sex.

I take on board the thing about DH having no time to himself. I will suggest that this weekend. I do offer sometimes but he wants to be with me, but i will insist as it is for the best.

I texted dh to ask if I shoul dbuy some new lingerie and he said black bra and knickers so have bought 2 sets.

He probably does feel pressured when it starts as a little kiss and then I want more. He should be flattered I want him so!!

I ihave to confess I would be with old flame if no one got hurt. Not possible so can't happen.

I am v lucky to have him and I feel so shallow that this is such an issue as it is the only thing wrong

Just phoned old flame and told him we have to stop as it can't end well. He told me to stop perpetuating it then. I told him it is only because he recipricated. I have to stop thinking about him. And I told him I was feeling guilty about his wife and we have to stop. Nothing has happened it has all been flirting. But it is done and my hubby will get all my attention and thoughts now.

idiot that I am I have texted him about 5 times this afternoon but have had a good chat with a friend and feel able to leave it now. I can't wait for my husband to come home.