How can I stay in my marriage knowing I want someone else?

[thenewme]

you can't

How long have you felt like this?
Will it pass?

I think you can you just break contact with the other person and focus on your husband and push thoughts of other person from your head.
Has anything happened?

It has to pass.

I couldn't hurt my husband like that.

But is it worse to have my heart somewhere else?

Have been through this before and it did pass and we were stronger but it is more intense this time as OM knows. (same man each time)

nothing happened

he lives miles away

Do you love your husband?

Don't all couples go through this at some stage?

I do love him.

We have been through this before and OM had no idea.

This is going to be hard but you can do it.
How do you know the other man?
What about your dh? Is he a good man?

Well you're being very vague but a general answer is that you can stay in your marriage by cutting contact with this OM and refocusing your attentions on your DH (who you love, right?)

Does your DH know about the last time?

OM is my first boyfriend.

A mutual friend was trying to protect me from more heartache and told me he was married. He wasn't. OM asked for my details and friend wouldn't give them to him. OM tried to find me but had no contact details for me.

DH is the most amazing man and doesn't deserve this.

DH does know about last time because he thought he might have to see a solicitor.
He told me last night he won't go through it again and if I want to go I should just go.

Do you think maybe you are looking at your past relationship with the OM with rose coloured glasses? When I think back about my first serious boyfriend I only really remember the fun times and how much he used to make me laugh and oh how wonderful it was. Truthfully it wasn't that great, it was only ok, and he was a bit of a jackass.

I totally remember all the pain he caused me. But there was a lot of love as well and we were together a long time. Other people interfering and OM not being totally honest about how he felt, meant we stopped dead our relationship.

'DH is the most amazing man and doesn't deserve this.'

You're right. He deserves better than someone who is willing to jack in their entire family for utter folly and who puts their own silly sense of romanticism before the wants and needs of everyone else.

And there are plenty of women like me around willing to take up with an amazing man like your DH after he sees that solicitor and moves on.

Or you can chose to grow up.

Seriously.

Duty is the rent you pay on life.

Do you have children in your current relationship, do you love your husband.

The reasons you broke up with first bf are probably still all there.

Its a difficult onel..

thenewme, I feel sorry for you and I feel sorry for your dh

your dh sounds like he is being very brave and very fair

if you continue to waver and yearn for this other bloke, you are going to wreck your marriage anyway

if this was a bloke posting about his hankering for another woman we would be tellin him to fuck off to her and give his dw some peace of mind

how does it make you feel to see it that way round?

I think you should break all contact and concentrate on your dh.
If this was a first boyfriend it would seem like you were perfect together because you were so much younger without responsibilities and the stresses of life etc.
Honestly you know the answer and don't be foolish by staying in contact with him.

I am not putting my wants before anyone else as I am staying in my marriage. It isn't romantacism either.

I do have kids with my hubby and I do love him.

The reasons we broke up are not there now.

I know I am hurting my husband. I have been crying and can't eat. I just rang DH to come home early but he can't yet.

I am not proud of myself and I am at myself that I have found myself doing this.

it's romanticism because you're yearning for something that is NO LONGER THERE.

you are married to someone else now and you have a family.

how would you feel if your DH were doing this to you?

how would you have felt if your mother had left your dad for such ridiculousness?

because you're damn lucky you have your DH. i'd have seen that solicitor already and made the decision for you because i think i deserve at least that much respect.

any decent person does.

if i were out there, trying to earn a living to put a roof over my family's head and i had my spouse ringing me to come home because he was all worked up over some other chick it would be to come home and back his bags.

seriously.

get real.

It is still there as it never really went away.

I am going to do the right thing I just need to get through this.

you won't get through it if you keep letting your husband know you're waffling.

you need to keep that side of it to yourself if you want to keep your family.

honestly.

Have to say that I agree with expat.

Your dh must feel so wrecked to know that you feel like this and am also shocked that you ring him to come home because you need support.

That wasn't why I rang him.