AM I A MONEY-GRABBER?

[milkmonster]

My partner (although I plan to leave him in the new year) claims jobseeker's allowance and has been unemployed the six years I've been with him, possibly not had a job since he left uni save a couple of deadenders such as market research/street surveys. He exists frugally and also from his (undeclared) ebay earnings which can vary £1000 a month to nothing at all the next month. He doesn't save. We are age 40 and 42.

We don't live together and he only provides the minimum £5 a week automatically taken from his dole money by the CSA. He doesn't offer a penny more. He refuses to ever work again in order not to have to pay more for his children (19 months and one on the way). He owns his house, I live in rented. He won't sell his house or enable us all to live in it together (he's a hoarder, it's a mental condition before you ask means no it will never be possible to live in same house as someone like that).

What I'd like to know is, do most women in my situation settle happily for the minimum contribution of £5, or if there is a possibility they could obtain more, for example because my partner owns his own home outright (which benefits agency class as 'income', although I don;t know how they figure that if the house is effectively uninhabitable due to junk and rubbish he can hardly renti it out for income or sell it ) and also his ebay earnings, they might attempt that?

He doesn't believe in financially supporting his children he's already said the taxpayers can do that because I claim Income Support so would not agree to helping me with a penny more, but I would find it a huge help for instance if he offered to pay for creche 5 days a week (£13 a week) so I could get some 'me time', as my family live 200 miles away so I have no friends or support here. Yet I keep reading on forums single mums in similar circustances to me are receiving up to £150 a month from their ex-partners and I'm wondering if I'm getting diddled?

I've already researched childcare costs and am planning my future in order to go to work once the new baby is a few years old and can see I need some serious savings in place for that, which I was hoping more contributions from my partner would assist with. Am I a 'money grabber' by thinking of ways to get him to offer more financial assistance?

Aren't the government planning to make it difficult to be unemployed without doing some work in order to get benefits? If so, he'll have to get off his arse and actually do something. You may be no better off, but hey at least he'll have to slave a bit.
I would move on, if you don't come to some private arrangement I don't see how you can get any more towards your kids. It's frustrating but you can't force him to get a full time job or give you more. Oh, and yes I would report him as well. Then forget him.

So you never fancied a bastard, before realising he was a bastard, moondog? You're lucky.

Yep, they send them on compulsory long-term unemployed work experience courses with placements at a real employer, pay them an extra tenner a week benefits to cover travel costs, at the end of the course, they just make a fresh dole claim, to clear their history from government stats and start anew as a new claimant.

this is very confusing,

do you love him?

i once LOVED a man who was horrible to me,

and to 'quote' you,

i fancied the bastard too,

but that was then,

so, have you got someone to talk to in real life?

do your family help out?

why does he think he is not responsible for his children?

he, in my eyes, is not a 'man'

It's confusing that people are still concentrating on the relationship aspect and not the original question which was about money, perhaps I should pull this thread and re-post under a money thread..

ok, june baby,

do you know boy or girl?

there are lots of us with stuff we would send you to help out,

Offline for a bit to re-think wording!

well if thats is all you want to know then NO

you are not a money grabber,

simple as,

end of advice and help session,

noone here is going to say you are...

I would be careful though, milkmonster, because I don't think the definition of 'with' someone is defined by living in the same house, and if the benefits office realise your set-up they could investigate you both for fraud

I get so angry about all the media coverage hounding single mothers when the real problem isn't the mother it's the tw*tty dads like this one who won't pay up. I'd shop him for his e-bay earnings. Why not- you've got nothing to lose and your DC might have something to gain?

I agree with BL - and aside from the original issue some dads think when they are paying towards their dc's that they are hard done by and are funding some sort of wild single mother life style

BJells not BL sorry.

You don't sound like a money grabber to me. I think you're just being practical.

Best of luck, it sounds like you've got a huge load to deal with.

Even if you do get him to pay more, it will go to the government as you are on IS. You would need to be working as well to get the benefit of any maintenance.

lou031205 makes a good point, I would be very careful about claiming sca if you aren't sepatrated