I have just asked dh to move out - tell me I'm doing the right thing.

[NeedyW]

It all relates to this thread

I mean it but I want him to do something to change my mind. I've told him he can stay until tomorrow. I've packed his bag. I've told him he can stay at a b&b and come to get the dcs after school for a couple of hours each day, but he is not to come in and I won't be talking to him right now.

I hope this is the cure and not the end of us.

I'm 4 months pregnant (which I didn't mention in the other thread)

He says he loves me but can't be there for me and he is causing so much aggro and stress. I just think it will be best if he has time to sort himself out.

Background in brief: DH depressed, treating me badly, tried to harm himself but I stopped him and got him on ADs, he stopped taking them after a couple of months without telling me, he got nasty again, he couldn't cope, says he wants to make things better but continuously lies and lets me down, is back on half his previous dose of ADs now (for 5 weeks, so not long enough to have made any difference) and is unwilling to go back up to the full amount (which did work for a while - the half dose was what he was on when he tried to selfharm).

I don't think he realises that his behaviour is pushing us towards divorce (even though I have said I cannot cope with this anymore). It seems as though with him here he has no need to get better IYSWIM.

I can't live with him like this anymore. I'm hoping it will only be for the short term and that the children will believe that he is working extra hours.

Am I doing the right thing? He doesn't want to go and cries and says he loves me, but they're just words.

NeedyW I am so sorry that it has come to this. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like it is designed to hurt. My H breaks down, gets reassurance from me and then is hideous. It is a horrible pattern and like I am being punished for being strong and he is trying to break me.

You are NOT weak and pathetic at all. This is not your fault. Depression is a horrible, destructive illness but he is the only one who can change his behaviour and get the appropriate help.

Were you able to talk to your HV about some help and support for yourself? Please take care of yourself.

Thanks Malkuth. No, stupidly I didn't sort out any support for me. I have sent a message to my sister to let her know what is going on and talked to a friend, but she's a long way away.

I got a reply to the email saying that he is behaving so coldly because he knows this is not the end and that he has to go to fix things.

It was a nice, calm and above all, measured email.

So why do I feel like this is the end?

I just need some comfort to get me through today, and RL people are unavailable ATM.

I veer between feeling devastated and really bloody angry. Nice that he knows it's not the end but what about you and how you feel?! It makes me so cross that they can be calm and measured but still treat us like shit. I know it is part and parcel of the illness but sometimes I just want to scream "Stop being so self-indulgent. You are an adult with responsibilities. Grow up."

Please talk to the HV about some support and keep coming on here for support too.

I've started another thread to get me through today. Yup, that's exactly how I feel. I'm watching all the other pregnant people being put on a pedestal and I don't even get treated as an equal.