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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

b/f moved in on sat and i want him out already

50 replies

supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:38

i was doubtful but i thought Ill give it a go... But I cant cope, he is not house trained at all, he is so noisy and snores so loudly that i cant sleep. Im downstairs now and i can hear his snoring from here. I tried earplugs and it dims the snores, but i cant hear my dd, what if she needs me in the night, i cant hear her. he wont wake up nothing wakes him up. i just come down here and cry every night, lack of sleep i suppose. this is the biggest mistake of my life. i wish i had a spare bedroom but i dont. i dont know what i was thinking, this is awful, i miss my own space.

OP posts:
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 03/12/2008 01:41

You will get over the space thing in time it's just an adjustment. The snoring however............................................................................................. .................................................................................................... ......................................................................

I'll share my aresnic if you dont tell anyone i suspect its the only cure

dh uses aqeous nasal spray you get from your doc's that eases snoring but needs to be taken consistently for three months to see the full effect. dh is incapable of doing this hence the future use of arsenic instead

Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 01:45

Oh Supervixen - is it just the snoring? Has he lived on his own before? By 'housetrained', what do you mean? It's so soon, it takes time to get used to sharing your space (2 years together and my 54 year old DP is still having some problems adjusting). You sound exhausted. Try to get some sleep on the sofa and hope MNetters can help you tomorrow.

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:46

thanks for replying i didnt think anyone would be up!

how do you sleep though?! he has the nasal spray hes been using it for a month, but no improvement, hes had throat spray and today i got him nose strips. still sounds like a train. i want to put the pillow on his head and smother him, i hate him right now i want him out MY house.

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 01:47

SheSells - arsenic! Oh you are awful - but yes, there are times when it's appealing .

Or you can get those little things that clip over the nose...

Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 01:47

Could you put the radio on and fall asleep to music?

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:49

Tanee - its everything really, i wasnt sure of him moving in and now i know im right

he cant wash up, he cant turn lights out, close doors, leaves tabacco everywhere, snores, doesnt brush his teeth, has smelly feet. i dont even fancy him anymore ive gone off him since saturday. i want my bed back

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 01:51

Try googling Snorewizard - it costs £45 but it could save your relationship. And think -it could be worse - he could be a serial farter!

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:51

i tried music, but his snoring always wakes me up, ive never heard anything like it.

OP posts:
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 03/12/2008 01:51

Is it the one from the doctors though? It's loads stronger than the one from the chemist and is only available on prescription.

I wait up untill I am really really really tired and then I can sleep through a freight train. The next day I require copious amounts of caffine to function normally and have to stay up even later due to this. This carries on and escalates untill I get so tired that a whole box of pro plus would not wake me, spend the day crying and screaming and threatening dh's life. He decides he will stay up later and promises to start taking his spray again.

The situation slowly improves for a few weeks, by him staying up later and allowing me to get to sleep before him and taking his spray and then starts the slow downward spiral again.

I am on my third box of pro plus in a week atm

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 03/12/2008 01:52

swap the fags for lager and pizza boxes and you are living with my dh.

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:52

thanks going to look for it now, i can understand how snoring can wreck relationships. wish he had never moved in. yes he farts loudly, he is gross. totally gross. im such an idiot.

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 01:54

ok, the washing up I could (and frequently do) live with. Smelly feet ditto (frequent changes of socks and washing feet can help) - but not brushing his teeth? Does he want dentures before he's 40? Tobacco - ah, can't live with that either, not since DP gave up smoking.

Did you not notice any of this before he moved in? (yes, I know, love was blind, but you said you had some doubts)

everready · 03/12/2008 01:54

sympathy here but no solutions.

I think I am with the arsenic suggestion.

post coital snoring however deserves a slow tortured death, which I am planning now.

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:55

oh my god seashells, i am sorry, but i dont want this to be me and i can see it happening. yes its the one from the docs on prescription. this cant go on. do you not have an extra room either?

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 01:57

Oh no, not farting as well (sorry, I am laughing, but my DP is upstairs fast asleep and I wonder if we are sharing the same DP!) grin.

OK, when you are feeling more calm and rested, try thinking about WHY he's moved in. What are the positives?

And get back to the GP for something stronger for the snoring. You need your sleep!

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:58

well i rarely went to his house and when i did i was grossed out slightly. but he is just lazy, too lazy to brush his teeth and too lazy to turn a stupid light out. does he care im up at 2am because of him? does he hell, hes too busy sleeping in MY BED snoring his smelly feet ass off

OP posts:
Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 02:01

the only solution i can see everready is separate bedrooms. so lets hope santa is real and he brings me a bigger house.

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 02:02

Sorry, I am going to have to abandon you to the sofa and the echoing snores from above as I have to get up for work in 5 hours - I DO understand how things loom large in the stilly hours of the night and the arsenic or a large smothering pillow may seem awfully appealing! Do you think you'll feel better tomorrow, or are his lack of house training skills really getting you down? What was he like before he moved in? Did you not know he was like this? Did you not know that he snored?

Tanee58 · 03/12/2008 02:05

Thinks maybe you need to have a housemeeting with him NOW (well, not this minute, but soon) just to see if anything can be done to redeem him. Otherwise, if poss, go back to separate homes until he comes out of his cave and discovers fire and the wheel.

Sorry, must abandon you now, but will catch up with you tomorrow (says she, donning her own earplugs and nosepeg).

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 02:07

Thanks tanee, i hope you get some sleep before work.

I knew he snored but when i stayed at his i had a few drinks and had earplugs so i was ok! while im here with dd in the house i wont be doing that. i didnt know he was this bad about the house etc that i could live with but the snoring i cant.

OP posts:
thumbElf · 03/12/2008 02:44

supervixen, the only I am having is why you let him move in in the first place! Do you still want to be with this man at all? you don't say how old he is - is it too late for him to change? although I have to say it sounds like he has a LOT to learn - I doubt I'd put up with it.

for you - I HATE snoring that keeps me awake.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/12/2008 08:27

I think, unless you find a super special one, that you will always find men have grpss habits when you move in with them. My DH never used to spray air freshener/clean the bowl (among many gross habits that was the worst) I have so far got him to stop that, stop using mugs/plates as ashtrays, stop smoking in the house, stop leaving his dirty clothes on floor (more or less) and do more housework, through a campaign of nagging, getting angry and repetition.....depends how much you want it to work. Ours was long distance for ages and we got married v quickly after moving in and I got pregnant so was very invested IYSWIM! If he had just been a boyfriend I doubt I would have stuck it out TBH. Thing is, despite farting, snoring and smelly feet I still love and fancy him....

Oh yeah and he used not to brush his teeth too. Just nagged him about that too and now he does without prompting. Seriously, it was like training a child. Hope he never reads this

BecauseImWorthIt · 03/12/2008 08:33

You have to deal with this right now if you are going to change anything.

Sit him down and explain what's upsetting you. He has moved into your house so to some extent it's about your rules, so you have a bit of an advantage here!

If he refuses to make any changes then he has to go back to his own home.

As for the snoring - can't really help, but much sympathy!

Original poster
supervixen · 03/12/2008 09:04

thumbElf - I let him move in because im lonely i guess, but now i realize being lonely is better than this crap. he is 35 and never lived with a woman before :/

Thats how i feel kat, its like having another child in the house, and i dont know if i love him enough, I love sleep more.

Im going to talk to him today, i kicked him out the bed at 3am so the poor sole had to sleep on the sofa, and as soon i got up he went back to bed...

OP posts:
Ruby2shoes · 03/12/2008 09:18

If its making you that miserable tell him its not working out and go back to your previous arrangements - there is no rule that says you have to live together!

Just do something before it ruins your relationship.