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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

b/f moved in on sat and i want him out already

50 replies

supervixen · 03/12/2008 01:38

i was doubtful but i thought Ill give it a go... But I cant cope, he is not house trained at all, he is so noisy and snores so loudly that i cant sleep. Im downstairs now and i can hear his snoring from here. I tried earplugs and it dims the snores, but i cant hear my dd, what if she needs me in the night, i cant hear her. he wont wake up nothing wakes him up. i just come down here and cry every night, lack of sleep i suppose. this is the biggest mistake of my life. i wish i had a spare bedroom but i dont. i dont know what i was thinking, this is awful, i miss my own space.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/12/2008 09:19

supervixen

You had doubts to start with, I wish you had listened to your intuition.

These men as well rarely if ever change their ways; sounds like he's had his Mum always running around after him. What made you think he would act any different by being with you?.

Sounds like you've indeed made a gross error of judgment here. It also sounds like he has it well cushy with you in that he now has someone else to look after him. You have now taken over where his Mother likely has left off. Good luck with getting him out, he may not leave quietly or with ease (hopefully he will).

Better to be alone with your DD than to be badly accompanied. He's no role model for her either.

Sorry to sound harsh here but I have a BIL who is just the same - they do not change.

supervixen · 03/12/2008 09:39

Thanks for all the advice. Attila youre right.

i am having a chat with him today and will see what happens

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 03/12/2008 11:46

SV what is the house situation where he came from - would he have anywhere to go? Just thinking ahead if you don't feel you can go on, as it doesn't just seem like the snoring is the problem.

NewNameOtherOneWasObvious · 03/12/2008 12:00

Supervixen, re the snoring. My DP used to snore so very loudly. Every night. Kept me up. Every f**king night . You get beyond the point of wanting to smother him with a pillow, you actually want him to sleep elsewhere? Or move out?
Well - he went to the doctors to get his nose checked out (he'd snore lying on his back, on his front, on his side, mouth shut, mouth open - it didn't matter, always the same horrendously loud drill-like noise-monster lying beside me). It turned out he had a deviated septum which needed straightening out. He had an operation at the end of August (apparently the surgeon said that his nose was a mess and was sure DP must have been either kicked in the face repeatedly in the past, or played rugby or similar) and, 3 months down the line, the snoring is still there but it's a gentle little whispery thing, more like heavy breathing than anything else. So it's all good now .
It might be something you could get him to look into?

supervixen · 03/12/2008 12:18

Pimmpom he used to share a house with 3 men, but they all moved out the same time as him so he would have to find somewhere new. i really did make a mistake, but maybe lack of sleep is making me hate him, if he just didnt snore im sure it would be ok!

newname - he has been referred to the ENT unit his appointment is in jan maybe they will find something?? i hope so....

OP posts:
JodieO · 03/12/2008 12:26

www.britishsnoring.co.uk/

Have a look there, there's a test he can do to see what type of snorer he is. Ex H did it and bought one of their mouthguards and it worked.

solidgoldbrass · 03/12/2008 12:30

Sit him down and say, It's not working out and I want you to leave. It's not going to get better and it's not worth the hassle.

vezzie · 04/12/2008 14:54

supervixen - no advice, just heartfelt sympathy.
I really feel for you reading this, remembering the grossness I once used to put up with from a smelly, lardy, smokey, lazy, skint, stoned, dirty snorer. He was a lovely man - loyal, funny, kind, generous - but so filthy I couldn't stand it.

Does yours:

pee in the bath, habitually
wipe himself on the handtowel after peeing in the loo
not flush the loo
throw little bits of paper off the ends of spliffs all over the place
keep big pub ashtrays full for ever
smoke in bed
"wash up" (after endless nagging) lardy breakfasts in lukewarm water, so every cup and glass in the house is covered in a thin smelly layer of pig fat
blow his nose on sheets and pillowcases
never ever ever wash bed linen
never ever ever do any cleaning of any kind
have permanent indigestion from crap diet and constant coke drinking, and think that is an excuse for unbridled uncovered belching
put dirty feet on things all the time, including your lap in your smart work clothes
think that you are a crazy uptight bitch for suggesting that he ever stop or moderate any of these habits, as in his world they are all entirely normal and reasonable?

I am afraid, although I loved him before we lived together, love could not survive the grime and the rotting teeth and necrotic breath. and no, not the snoring either. Whatever you do, good luck. and don't feel guilty about needing your sleep. We would never put up with men who threw all your food off the table, every time you sat down starving to a meal, so I don't know why we think they have rights to devastate our sleep, or feel a little doubtful about the need to sleep alone if necessary.
Again, good luck.

supervixen · 04/12/2008 22:06

oh vezzie, i didnt think it could get any worse your ex sounds awful!! my partner is not as bad as thank thankfully!!!

i had to put earplugs in last night and i slept through. have ordered a mouthguard. he has said he will sleep on sofa whenever necessary and i am looking forward to jan when he has his hospital appointment!

thanks to everyone who replied, i was livid when i made this post lol

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 04/12/2008 22:11

Is he fat, unfit and overweight? Slimming and exercise have changed my husband from a load train to a silent sleeper.

JodieO · 05/12/2008 00:14

My ex was fit, healthy and not overweight but he still snored, sometimes it's nothing to do with that but to do with the things mentioned on the link I posted.

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 05/12/2008 00:53

My friend divorced her h because he wouldn't sort out his snoring!
I think that if you love someone, really love them, it wouldn't matter so much.

JodieO · 05/12/2008 01:37

Guess you've never been woken by a snorer 50 times a night, sleep deprivation is a form of torture...

skrimbo · 05/12/2008 01:45

I totaly understand about the snoring. My BF snores like, well like well he snores very loudly and deeply.

We went away for a week holiday with my kids and honestly I could have done something serious to him. I ended up on the sofa the first night then he did the gentleman thing and slept there the rest of the week, but as it was a static caravan I could still hear him, but not enough to wake me.

I had stayed the night before and knew how bad his snoring was but hadn't had 7 nights in a row, that was too much. I don't think he belived how loud he is, I recorded him on my phone, but it didn't really have the full effect.

He was starting to stay more and more at mine and I decided to back track a bit because it was getting to the stage we were just watching TV for a bit then going to bed for me to listen to him snoring, I wanted to return to the dating stage. I also decided that my next holiday would be just me and the kids. He does have other habits that helped with this decision I had to be straight and tell him that he can not sit in the middle of the living room floor and trim his toe nails then put them in a beer bottle.

Solution for OP, well I think you realise that you have to do somehting, wheather that is a comprimise or chucking him out I don't know.

CrushaGrape · 05/12/2008 02:35

I do really really love my DP, but I still want to smother him with my pillow when it's 4am and he won't stop and let me sleep. Instead, I now take the pillow off to the settee with me.

Snoring is intolerable; I can well believe it can be a factor in relationships ending.

TheSeriousSanta · 05/12/2008 03:46

Too lazt to brush his teeth???? and you are wondering why, at 35, he's never lived with a woman.

Does he still have his own place? My honest advice would be get him out pronto if you have any hope of saving your relationship...

Does he have mummy issues... I'm just betting the answer is yes. SOrry, but any blocke who, at 35, can't get his head round the fact you want and NEED to be able to hear your DD is just an immature t......
(I'll leave the rest unsaid)

TheSeriousSanta · 05/12/2008 03:50

Oh, bugger... just read more of this thread... He DOES have mummy issues doesn't he?????

Oh. God. Get. Him. Out. Now.

Sorry, it's late and you (i'm sure) can tell I've been somewhere similar

I very VERY VERY much doubt this has anything to do with snoring, but more that he is a lazy, self centred, hopeless attempt of a man that you thought you could try to get over (I'm not saying he doesn't have some good points ) but now you are faced with reality you know you have to run for it.

Except you can't cos he's coming home to you each night.

For yourself and your DD if (he's even half!) as bad as I think, get him out now.

Me? Bitter????????????

bollockbrainASSofBETHLEHEM · 05/12/2008 06:48

this is a recipe for disaster. He needs to go. Habits can drive you insane over a number of years, and it this is what a few days has done, you are in for a rough ride.

He sounds a complete slob. Nobody has to put up with it, so get rid get rid get rid!

Think of your lovely quiet house with you and the dc.....

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 05/12/2008 09:31

My Dp(?)snores like a bear. No, he doesn't sleep with me every night, but it has never bothered me that much when he's here...I touch his back/shoulder/arm and he turns over.

Dropdeadfred · 05/12/2008 09:43

not brushing teeth shows no respect for himself..but worse, none for te girlfriend he has just moved in with!!! wow no honeymoon period for you...!

supervixen · 05/12/2008 17:26

lol! what are mummy issues? he does say yes to his mum a lot, but he hasnt lived with his mum for 10 years and he doesnt see her much!

OP posts:
supervixen · 05/12/2008 17:29

Hes not a slob really, he washes up hoovers, does the jobs i hate. but its the snoring.. he doesnt have his own place anymore so id feel awful chucking him out! we have received his mouth guard today, wish me luck...

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 05/12/2008 20:26

Aww good luck SV. You do sound more hopeful than on your OP!

supervixen · 06/12/2008 01:03

mouthguard = total shit

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 06/12/2008 01:24

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