Hi geordie. Yes been festive-ing-up and getting in an awful muddle over presents, trying to find inexpensive but 'special' things for people. Thankfully, with no h and none of h's family on the scene anymore and not being in touch with any of my own family, I only have friends and surrogate families to buy for this year
As I write I have another huge batch of chicken dinners cooking for ds. There's just so much to bloody DO on your own: radiator is leaking oil, plumber came tonight but cant fix it so took fuse out, christmas cards need writing, helped friend this afternoon who's having a shit time with her dp - she came here, we fortified ourselves with wine, made some tea for our dcs, now need to hang out washing while chicken dinners are doing, bank letter arrived this a.m. and they need some kind of response from me as they are chasing me for whopping overdraft, need to get firewood indoors, was going to have long bath but fat chance, dog chewed two bloody rolls of sellotape this evening, need to sell car so having it valeted this weekend, need to speak to neighbour to ask if he can park in their space, carpets covered in porridge from messy breakfast (trying to get ds to learn to feed himself. Hilarious) and then today got a freelance job and fixed to do it on my only 'free day' before xmas..so my 'free' day is now buggered. But that's ok.
Sorry...just so much to do and ds weighs a ton so my arms are getting thin carrying him all over the place - he isn't crawling let alone walking, but is a gorgeous kissable permanently smiling boy anyway.
and tomorrow I have counselling, then health visitor coming for fortnightly check that I am sane and ds is fit and well,
Anyway. How are you? I want to send you a christmas card and I have pressie for you. Maybe cat me your address or if you don't want to do that, your h's work address or local bottle-shop or something and I can tell you when I've posted and you can go in and pick it up?
On the h front I have been trying to blank him out of my mind. Christmas is going to be hellish I now know. I am going to be out and about but can already feel the sadness building inside me like a volcano.
I wish he would come home sort of, and I wish this had never happened. I wish he wasnt the man he turned out to be. I wish my son had a father and I wish we could have him in bed together on xmas day morning instead of me on my own. Boxing day is h's birthday. We both used to love xmas. I cant think about it too much or I just go into spasms of sadness.