Would you *not* call your child by a name you liked because your mum hated it?

[Ewemoo]

I am expecting twins in January and have chosen two names me and dh agree on and like. However, when I told my mum one of them she cried out in disgust that she hates that name as the only person she has ever known called it she disliked immensely! Now, my mother is not the easiest of people to get on with and will end up telling my child that she doesn't like their name if I go through with it. Dh is all for still using this choice of name and that is she ever talks negatively about it in front of the child she will be told where to go. I don't want to be controlled by my mother but I also don't want arguments that could be avoided. Tbh dh is keener on the name than me as it has family significance for him (my mother doesn't know this as she has spent the last 6 months of this pregnancy requesting that we call one child after her!!!)

I think your DH is right. I don't think it's any of your mum's business to be honest.

My mum had a similar reaction to a name we considered for dd as it was the name of the woman her dad ran off with. I kind of felt for her but even then I didn't think it was down to her to say (in the end we went for another name but not for this reason).

Do what you want to do!

no - (in fact, it would make me more likely to choose it...) It is your choice, not hers

I think your DH is right too - you could tell your mum that after a while, she will associate the name with your DC instead of the person she disliked.

No, my mum didn't like our choice for dd much, for the same reason. She didn't make a big deal though. I would still go along with it (I did!) it's difficult enough deciding and agreeing on a name without more people getting involved. Don't know whether she still thinks of the name in connection with the other woman now, or whether it's changed to only being associated with dd, will ask her.

As soon as the baby comes, 'Jane' will cease to be the mean neighbour and will become the lovely grandchild in her mind. It will be a stronger association.

Agree with your dh. My pil did this: when we told them the name we planned for dd2. They couldn't even bring themselves to say it, kept asking us if we were "still calling her that". Since she was born, not a word has been spoken against her name. Your Mum'll get over it.

Your husband has got the right idea.

Ewemoo

Think your DH is right.

Your children - your choice of name for them ultimately. Looks like your Mother wants to have control over this; I note she has been saying for the past six months that she wants one child named after her own self!.

Is she difficult and unreasonable towards you in other areas of your life as well - does she like creating such drama all the time?.

My mother doesn't like our choice of name for ds2. I knew she wouldn't like it so deliberately didn't tell her until after the birth (we only shortly beforehand anyway).

In this case it isn't the name in itself that she doesn't like, but the fact it was my late FIL's name. She thinks it is wrong that we used that rather than my father's name (even though he's still alive), but she is a very, very odd woman.

only decided shortly beforehand

I didnt call my DD1 a name we had decided on because my parents didnt like it and were rude about it.
I was livid at the time but felt we couldnt call DD a name they didnt like.
I regret it now actually.I wish we'd called her it.They would have had to learn to like it.It wouldnt have changed the way they felt about her.
I saw a girl called it the other day and felt very cross all over again that we hadnt stuck with it!

I wouldn't have told her in the first place. Someone is always going to complain - easier when it's a done deed!

Don't let your mother make this decision for you. She had the chance to call her children what she wanted - now it is your choice. And she will very soon get over it once the baby is here. It all feels like a very big deal to her now, but I think it will fade away later.

In any case, I think grandparents wanting children to be named after them is a very controlling thing anyway, and you might want to put your foot down now about something so that you get in practice for all the times when you are trying to deal with newborn twins and your mother wants to take control and tell you what to do and what your are doing wrong.

My Mum didn't like the name i chose for my DS2. I wasn't going to listen to her! My Child, i/we choose the name.

I didn't choose the name I originally planned for dd as my mum didn't like it. In fact, she turned her nose up at everything I suggested, even one day saying that every name I picked sounded like toilet cleaner.

I honestly think that if I had been completely sure about the first choice of name, I would have named dd it, despite what my mum thought.

If I ever have any more LOs, I definitely wouldn't tell her any names I had in mind. Even when we (hypothetically) discuss it now, she disagrees with me.

Grr.

We wanted to call DD "Elsie", well we considered it and everyone rudely (IMO) told us that we couldnt possibly and how awful it was.

We changed our minds based on their "advice", sort of regret that on principle.

we had a list of possible names. my mom didn't like the one we ended up giving to DS but she's never said anything about it.

this time i'm not telling anyone our choices.

I think its worth coming up with some truely awful names, like "bleach" and people will be so relieved when you don't choose them.

My mum did this to my sister and she didn't call her DS the name she'd originally planned - don't know if there were other circs or not, but I felt it was a shame.

And was furious with my mother for being so vitriolic about something which was, quite frankly, none of her business.

I think there is something to be said for not telling anyone the name choice until the baby is born.

That way they cannot say anything to your face

I would name your child whatever you like, the fact that she wanted a child named after her speaks volumes

Go with your choice, and ignore her, let her get over it. Your baby, your (and your dh's!) choice.

Congratulations on being pregnant with twins.

i would absolutely use it. your baby, your choice,.

my mum HATED my choice of name for the last baby (if he'd been a girl, which he wasn't) but I'd have used it regardless because I loved it.

if she had said anything to my child about it then I would have told her where to go

THis is why you don't tell people before you have the baby. I didn't tell anyone wwhat we were naming DS2 as I knew that people would not necessarily like it but they couldn't say anything once he had been named already.

Your DH is right.

Also she obviously really wants to be involoved in the choice if she wants you to name one after her. She will think she is entitled to be part of choosing if you go along with her

My Mum hated ALL of the names that we had decided on for DS, he then didn't look like any of them and so we went with something else. On the morning of his birth she told me that she 'hated' it and wanted us to call him the middle name that we'd gone for (my Dad and DN's name- how weird is that?). We decided to ignore her and still call him it. I am SOoo glad we stuck to our guns. Every time I shout on him I think 'wow, what a cool name you have'. It's awesome. In fact, if you're having a boy I'll let you use it too it's so cool

Do what suits you- it worked for us even though the name was universally hated !!