Could you cope with it if your partner STARTED smoking?

[gemmiegoatlegs]

My dh has just confessed he has been smoking. He used to smoke when he was younger but stopped after hypnotherapy years ago. However, since we visited some smoking friends at the weekend he has been buying cigarettes and smoking in the garden. He has also confessed he has been buying cigarettes 2 or 3 times a week on the way to work and smoking the entire pack in one night. I am really shocked that it has gone this far and can't bear him smelling of cigarettes and going near the dcs after he has been out for a fag. It is also clear he has been lying to me about it for weeks or months, if I commented he smelled of smoke when he came in from work, he told me he had one off a man at work, not that he had been buying and smoking entire packets.

He said he will go to the doctors but doesn't want to go on patches as it will only put nicotine into his bady even more regularly. Obviosly he doesn't have the will powerto just stop. Is there any other methods of kicking the habit?

I feel really let down, this isn't how I saw him, or us.

DH has never smoked and neither have I. I would be appaled if he started smoking and would do anything I coudld think of to get him to stop. He certainly wouldn't be allowed to smoke in the house or garden, in our car, near me or DD, etc. I would mak it very difficult for him to smoke as much as I could. I hate it.

hypnotherapy?

dh stopped smoking about 8 years ago but got stuck on the gum. he gave up for a couple of years but restarted last year when sodding boots started doing it half price.

he is on day two of giving up. he is making moaning noises on the sofa.

i have just suggested hypno to him and he wasn't very positive.

I'm not sure the hypno ever worked for dh, he has always associated having a fag with having a good time and he also started smoking at a young age, 14 or15 iirc.

I am just so mad, but at the same time I feel helpless as he is a person, and bound to do what he likes within reason. If someone told me not to do something I would tell them where to stick it!

So I am trying to be supportive, thinking there must be a desire to change behind this latest confession and that I am in it for better or worse.

But if this was going to be a part of his life forever, I don't think I could take it

i smoked 20 a day for 20 years. i never hanker for a fag. i gave up by reading a silly book by canadian psychotherapists, spending three days digging foundations for a fence and a little nicotine replacement. i also changed what i drink, no beer, more white wine byee gin. it all tastes different these days.

do you think he can keep it to a social thing or is he likely to become a fully blown smoker again? the doc will likely send him to smoking clinic.

I was giving up as I met DP 9 years ago
He told me there was no future if I smoked
So I stopped.
Hard for first year in pubs or out with smoking friends
But he meant more than that

In answer to the subject title, no, I would be so p**ed off if dh started smoking. He's never smoked and neither have I (he's never even tried it, while I did once and hated it). I couldn't bear the smell of smoke, ugh!
I take it he does want to give up again?

He has to want to stop

A colleague of mine never smoked, but his partner did. She wanted to get engaged, but he said only if she stopped smoking. She did. They got engaged She never started again after that!

I would be annoyed if my DH started smoking again. He used to and still does so socially if enough booze is consumed. We do have fags in the house as he won't let me chuck them out

No advice but your partner has to want to stop for themselves

Perhaps he could read the Allan Carr book "The Easyway to Stop Smoking" - it sounds awful but is actually a fabulous little book. Best of luck x

I will try the book thanks Nyx, if no good I will send him to the smoking clinic,
I think he does want to stop, I am assum/ing the reason he has told me any of this is that he wants to quit.

Thanks for all your rwplies

Second the Allan Carr book, it helped me kick it.

No,

I would tell him its the cigs or the family, seriously.

I found out he had been smoking weed once a fortnight and I went balistic and it nearly ended us

I can't stand smoking in any form, he would have to go if he refused!

it doesn't seem very fair to tell another person what to do, it would be a stupid reason to end a marriage unless he is beating you up with his packet of lucky strikes?

dictatorial to the extreme

he'll probably stop in his own time, or he might not

people tend to resume smoking when they are stressed or bored - how about asking him how he feels, finding out what is on his mind and ignoring the smoking rather than piling on pressure?

But it affects the WHOLE family Moniker,

financially, cigs aren't cheap.

Physically, everyone knows how bad smoking is for your health and the health of those around you.

And emotionally if its causing stress in the marriage!

of course it does, it will affect whole family much more if there is unnecessary arguing about it

don't you think you have to take the rough with the smooth in a marriage? I'd make the point that I was worried about the smoking but more importantly look for possible underlying reasons for it, any sudden negative change in behaviour is worrying isn't it?

also get feeling OP is as worried about image a anything else - 'this isn't how I saw us'

it's not like he is having an affair or something, must keep it in perspective?

it is up to the OP how much stress it causes really, if someone chooses to be unduly stressed about things that's up to them

it all sounds a bit controlling to me, that's all

I would leave dp if he started somking. No question about it.

it seems mad to be with someone and then expect them to conform to our standards all the time

would you leave your children if they started smoking?

by all means encourage and support him to give up but don't give up on him, people do do things we don't like sometimes

Sorry but LOL at the ridiculous excuse not to use patches ....putting nicotine in his body more regularly.
I would say that he simply isn't interested in stopping. And if he isn't, then it won't happen, or won't last.
I sympathise, you are in a truly shitty situation.

You can get the nicotine patches according to daily doses.
Personally they didn't work for me, (I still smoked with them on)...(constant battle with trying to give up)..
That Alan Carr book is supposed to be brilliant - I have heard of that and my daughter stopped smoking with it as well. She swears by it.
My boyfriend doesn't smoke, my house is usually well aired and I don't smoke round him as he hates the smell in his clothes...[poof] - but seriously I have it from the other angle and he loves me so he puts up with my filthy habit as long as I do it outside and away from him... then chew gum after... and wash my hands to get the smell off... (and my lips)... ARGHHHH why can't I give up!!!!! I am ashamed of being a smoker.

Buy him an e cig. Then he can have his fix, he wont smell/kill himself with dangerous chemicals and he can cut down at his own pace.

I would be really p**d off as well. But thankfully my husband can't bear the smell of smoke either so i don't think it will ever be a problem.

But we have had this conversation in the past, when we were doing the why do you like me questions? Smoking is a real turn off, he said the thought of kissing someone who smokes makes him heave!
I think for both of us it would mean the end of the relationship, seems a bit harsh i know, but neither of us could live with a smoker.
My problem is making sure my teenage son isn't tempted because a lot of his friends smoke, all girls however none of his make friends smoke, i wonder why?
I am asthmatic and am seriously affected by smoke, so my son always says i see what smoke can do to you mum, theres no way i would risk it. I hope he remains to think that way.

I can't believe anyone would end a marriage over something like that!