urgent advice required please need to action in next 30mins

[nightmarehell]

My h has sent me an email forwarded from his work system to back up his reason for going for a drink with a colleague from his previous workplace looks very dodgy like a cut n paste job.

I have tel no of this person I want to ring them to verify this thought I might say something like "hello this is x, are you meeting x tonight because I am in london today bit would not meet him to catch train home tonight if so. unable to contact him as he is on a training course"

do you think this seems casual enough without sounding desperate?

can't follow him from his office as not near london and have a 3 year old dd

Thanks

I am assuming there is previous stuff which makes you not trust him?

If his friend is sharp enough he will prob just say yes I am meeting him and cover for him.

Maybe ask "what time are u meeting him at" instead.

Do you have reason to thonk he's going to be meeting someone else?

sounds a bit desperate tbh and recipient of phone call would probably smell a rat.. especially if there is something dodgy going on and they are in on it - would probably make matters worse.

You could say "sorry can't remember if he said he was meetng you or someone else (put in name)".

I suspect his lover his flying in today (she is not british) although he says it is all over. The person he says he is meeting tonight is a male work colleague from his previous job he has never been known to socialise with him outside work that is why I am suspiscious

You suspect something underhand... so you decide to be underhand yourself? Not a good idea imo.

This is a lose lose situation for you - if he is not meeting the colleague then you will still be none the wiser about what he is actually doing . If you are wrong then he would have good cause to be angry with you for not trusting him.

I wouldn't make the call.

hi - i think you have posted before about your h having an affair. Babe, to be honest, I think you need to forget trying to track him down tonight, find the phone number for RELATE and book the both of you an appointment. This is no way for you to be living your life, constantly feeling cheated, constantly trying to catch him out. You need to tell him it's RELATE or the highway. If he won't go with you, you should go on your own because you sound so worn down by it all and in need of some support.

If it turns out that he is not meeting the ex-colleague, that still isn't proof that he's meeting the lover. It will still all be suspicions, however strong.

If you really want to phone this person I think you need to think up a better excuse...can't think of one right now though, sorry

Would the previous work colleague know about the affair ? If not I would go ahead and call,sorry you are going through this

How about "hello, could you let me know what time you are meeting h tonight? I might just be able to pop round there for a quick drink myself you see and thought I'd surprise him!"

Good post Rantineminor.

that was along the lines i was thinking rhubarb

this colleague would know nothing about the affair he even lied to them about not attending his leaving drinks do he told them I was ill and had to look after his daughter how sick is that he did that just to be with her as she was in the uk that week.

I need to know because I want to be sure before I tell him it is over for ever a big thing to do but we have been together for nearly twenty years and I cannot put up with this shit anymore I just want the truth I have given him plenty of opportunities to be with her if thats what he wants. i need to know where I stand finally so i can move on I have my 3 yearold dd to think about

also husband does not socialise after work normally this is not his usual benaviour ever

Do what ever you feel you need to do. I think I would call if it was me, I couldn't sit there wondering about it , but that's just me..

Agree with mutt.

do you really need proof? after his performance he does not deserve you

agree with dittany. tell him your suspicions, tell him it's driving you mad and that if he doesn't come home and sort it out NOW you will be making plans to leave him.

don't phone.. just give him a huge hug when he comes in, tell him you love him and did he have a good time..

then have a glass of wine and talk to each other.