I dont know if DS is DP's child.

[Imadeamistake]

I know Im going to get a lot of flak for this post but would like some advice etc. I've name changed for obvious reasons!

Basically Im not sure whether my DP is my DS's biological father or not.
We were in a very casual relationship when DS was conceived, we lived in different countries and would meet up for long weekends etc every few weeks. There is a strong possibility he is the father as was visiting him around the time I fell pregant.
However I also slept with a long term friend the week before that.

When I found out I was pregnant we have been properly together. DP did question while I was pregnant whether he was the father as he found out I was sleeping with other people when we were having only a casual relationship but I told him he was. We agreed he would have a paternity test when DS was born ( I was shitting this as I wasnt 100% sure it would be positive). Since DS's birth it hasnt been mentioned again. I think maybe DP would rather not know IYKWIM. DS doesnt look like DP at all more like me.
We have since had another DC together and are also engaged.

I have no intention of telling DP now that there is a miniscule chance that he is not the father as he adores DS and has brought him up for 4 years. I just wonder myself....

Also I fear getting tripped up later in life...

i do regret not being honest with DP from the beginning but now its too late...Ive got too much to lose.

? surely there would be some nursing staff available to find that sort of thing out?

Imadeamistake

I think that you do want to know.

Could you find out for your own sanity (I would need to know - selfish or not).

Sounds like your DP has chosen to not know.

If the test comes back positive, that the child is his, you need never mention the test.

If it is negative, then you can think about whether and how you broach it with your DP and in time, your child.

To me, the worst thing would be not knowing.

I agree with pamelat.

I think trying to keep such a secret forever just isn't a good idea. I think your DS deserves to know who his father is, I think the other man deserves to know if he has fathered a child and I think your DP potentially deserves to be aware he is raising someone else's child, although it sounds as though maybe he doesn't want to know.

I think you should talk to your DP about it and decide together what you want to do.

Thenewme- I understand your point but it is very unlikely DS will ever come into contact with anyone from his potential fathers family, they all live at the other side of the world. Its not like we all live in the same town or something.

CoteDAzur- In an emergency situation people are given the universal donor O blood. Lots of people dont know there blood type. I didnt before i had DC's. If we are ever in a situation where DS has a blood test I will ask his blood type.

"FYI I am not a selfish person....I have just made mistakes."

it's not your mistakes that make you selfish. it's your entirely deliberate actions afterwards that do. there's a man raising a child that might not be his.a child being raised by a man who may not be his father.and another man who may never know he even has a child.all of them deserve the truth but will not get it because you are too selfish to face the consequences of your actions.

Thats your opinion mayorquimby...

Probably complete off beam but I was brought up in the care system. I know who my parents are but have had a tiny amount to do with my natural father and I very much doubt I will ever soeak to him again. It counts for something that I know who he is and had his name though.

Is there any chance that your DP has already had a paternity test done? After all he knew there was a possibility that DS is not his, so perhaps he needed to know, but didn't want to upset you. Perhaps he's chill about it now, because either he's the father, or has come to terms with that he's not.

I'd be inclined to find out your son's blood type - not sure how you do this though? It might answer the question. Can you and your DP go and give blood together somewhere, to find out his for sure.

This must be really hard for you and not being able to discuss it freely with your partner is very difficult. It's a difficult secret to keep.
I think you DP has chosen not to check, he didn't trust what you said about not sleeping with anyone else before the conseption. I'm sure he didn't completely believe you and forget his doubts just because you said so ( no matter what you say - if he had doubts he wouldn't just believe your words in such serious matter). I'm sure he would have tested if wanted to. From what I can see he has chosen to treat the child as his and has accepted him as his son with no further questions or tests.
Leave it, be happy you have a good partner with a good heart. You may know in your heart who the father is. If you think that DP is the more likely father - forget about questioning it any further. Check the child's blood type just so you know it for his medical needs.

well of course it's my opinion.who elses would it be?
you asked for opinions and mine is that you are completely selfish and self-centred.
if all you wanted was validation for your completely selfish acts and for people to agree with you when you are denying 3 people the truth who deserve it for your own aims then say so and i'd have left the thread well alone.

Aren't babies blood -typed at birth?
Sure if you look in his red book you would find his blood type.

sorry, not sure what to do re test but if it were me i don't think i could bear not knowing.

re cycles though - sure there is a way to work this out.
you say you have/had regular cycles, how long were they?

eg, if 28 days, you prob ovulate on day 14-ish. the egg only stays 'viable' for about 5 days max.
so, taking the first day of your period as day 1, what days did you have sex?
following the example, if you had sex with dp on day 14, and friend on day 7, then vvvvv unlikely that friend could be the father.

I would think so, too. DD was definitely bloodtyped at hospital, and not because we asked for it.

I will look in DS's red book for his blood group. I dont think Ive noticed it in there before though. If his blood was tested at birth his records would show it but we now live in a different country to where he was born so getting info may be tricky.

Justkeepswimming- you have hit the nail on the head. 28 day cycle. Sex with other on day 7. Sex with DP on days 13, 14, 15 and 16.

I would think it is extremely unlikely that you would get pregnant from sex on CD 7 of a 28 day cycle.

I might sort of agree with the ds deserving the truth. I might even agree with the biological father deserving the truth.

But as for the OPs partner it seems he has already chosen: he knows that there is a small chance of his not being the biological father and clearly regards himself as the father anyway. He is not being tricked, he has made a choice and it seems a perfectly sensible and valid choice to me.

Thats what I thought CoteDAzur. When I found out I was pregnant I thought it was DP's which is why I didnt say anything.....not an excuse I know!

Ive looked in DS's red book and theres no record of his blood group in it.

I feel that DP knows that there's a small chance of DS not being his....but that he'd rather not know IYKWIM.

IMAM - I think then you can relax and be 99.9999% sure that DS is DP's.
If I were you i would do nothing. There may come a situation in the future when ds may need to prove it - medical things, and then you will all know for sure.
But...no action required for now

ps - went and looked in my red books and you are right, no blood group
i'm sure they typed him from the heel prick test but no result written in book.
well dh and i both O so think that means both boys have to be O too.

Good luck