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Original poster

The Snip.......... He or I

50 replies

BadgerBadger · 15/03/2005 02:45

There are obviously many variables, but which of us should take the plunge, ideally. Also, would it be better or worse for one rather than the other for any particular reason?

OP posts:
AussieSim · 15/03/2005 03:23

My understanding is that the operation on the male is much less risky or major than that on the woman. My father had the big 'V' in his early 30's having completed his family, and upon leaving my mum for a younger woman several years later had it reversed and promptly she fell pregnant (my 1/2 sis is now 20)so he had it redone - like turning a tap on and off. My brother had his V when he was 28 and had completed his family. The issue for men seems to be more of one of ego rather than medical concerns, whereas a woman's piping and plumbing is more complex and the operation requires the whole abdomen to be opened up. I hope that when the time comes for us to acknowledge that our family is complete that my DH will have the snip. HTH.

bobbybob · 15/03/2005 06:08

nah, if you've had the babies I would say it is his turn.

FairyMum · 15/03/2005 06:46

His turn!

Nemo1977 · 15/03/2005 07:17

him him him

NotQuiteCockney · 15/03/2005 07:22

It's less of a serious operation to have him done - it's just done under local anaesthetic, and they don't have to go through much to get to the relevant bits, IYKWIM.

The only arguments I've seen for a woman getting done are:

  1. I think the woman's operation can be more easily reversed. (Although men can bank sperm, in case they change their mind.)

  2. If you're reasonably old, your fertility is probably nearly done. If you remarry twenty years from now and decide you want another family, well whether or not you get your tubes tied, you probably couldn't have one. But of course this isn't true for a man - so his op makes more of a difference, in a strange way.

That being said, I think I'd opt for him.

I heard somewhere that married men need their wife's signature to get the snip - is this true?

Prufrock · 15/03/2005 08:56

I think it depends on why you (as a couple) don't want more kids.
In a few years (when I feel ready to have an op) it will be me, not dh. This is because I never ever want to be pregnant again. So even if something were to happen to dh, I would not be having another baby. But if something were to happen to me, I would be prefectly happy for dh to have children with somebody else.

flamesparrow · 15/03/2005 08:59

I'm very much a HIM supporter - women carry the babies, have the babies, and take the pill for years beforehand... give the men a turn in it

Frizbe · 15/03/2005 09:01

Him, its a quick local anasthetic job for the men, its a major op for us ladies and on top of that, his balls will be the biggest he's ever seen!

mears · 15/03/2005 09:41

I personally chose to be the one sterilised.

Reasons.

1.It is immediate, not like men who have to wait for the all clear.

  1. Women come to a natural end fertility wise therefore it was just bringing that forward

  2. Men are fertile forever and if something happened to me, he may meet someone else. Sterilisation should be considered permanent and not looked at which is easier to reverse. Most reverals are unsuccessful. I did meet a couple who had successful reversal of male sterilisation which was done in his first marriage. His wife dies of a brain haemorrhage and he met another woman who was younger and they wanted a family.

  3. There is some concern that male sterilisation can exacerbate growth of undetected testicular cancer.

  4. Some would argue that men age quicker after vasectomy because the body has to destroy the sperm that is being made and not offloaded. Because it is destroying it's own tissue there is a theory that other tissue is also attacked leading to premature aging. No scientific evidence for that but the arguement sounds reasonable to me. Women have only 1 wee egg to reabsorb. Men have millions of sperm

Those are some of the reasons in no particular oreder. I did not find the op too uncomfortable and was a day case. Recovery was absolutely fine.

Tissy · 15/03/2005 09:57

Frizbe, although sterilisation of a woman does need to be under general anaesthetic, it is not a major op. It can be done laparoscopically (keyhole surgery) as a daycase, with a tiny incision.

My dh would have to have a GA for a vasectomy as he has had previous surgery down there, so, when the time comes it will be me who has it done.

Actually, the time has just about come, must get round to making a gynae appointment!

Marina · 15/03/2005 10:08

I was a him him him advocate until Mears reminded me that there are some worrying health issues around vasectomy...will have to keep thinking on this one.

mears · 15/03/2005 10:14

I have such a strong urge to keep having babies I knew that if DH went for vasec., I would 'accidentally' get pregnant while waiting for sperm to clear. I had it done when DD was 3 months old (4th baby) because I knew I had to be surgically stopped having more babies

It is actually recommended that you should wait until last baby is at least 1 year old incase you are still influenced by hormones and the risk of cotdeath is much reduced by a year. I chose to get it done quickly so that I would still be caring for a small baby to take my mind off it a bit. I would get pregnant tomorrow if I could

birdsong · 15/03/2005 10:50

mears my 4th child is 6 and my dh had a reversal 5 years ago. I feel terribly greedy wanting another and I know its selfish but I regret him having the op now because now would be a lovely time to have another baby - because children all at school , we have more money , and I think it would be fantastic experience for the older ones - or am I just completely blinkered

mears · 15/03/2005 11:06

Don't think you are being blinkered but possible forgetting how tied you are with a new baby. That baby grows up to need clothed, fed and possible might want to go to university (with the other 4 )

I would have loved more babies because I loved being pregnant, I loved breastfeeding and I really would have liked to have had a baby with older children around. My 4 were pretty close together and so life was pretty hectic.

A colleague of mine is in a new relationship and between them they have 4 children, the youngest being 8yrs. Thy have just had a baby together and she is absolutely loving it. The older children absolutely love this baby and help out with cuddles and walks and things. I wish I had maybe waited before having them so close but I knew I had to stop myself from having more because we really could not afford it. We have started going on holidays which we didn't do before. We went to Florida and the kids loved it. We couldn't have done that with a new baby.

Only you and your DH can decide when your family is complete. Sterilisation needs to be a very much last resort option. I knew it was for me.

Gwenick · 15/03/2005 11:16

I think I'd opt for me being sterilised rather than DH for the reason 3. that mears gives

WestCountryLass · 15/03/2005 13:37

When we have decided our family is complete DH will have the snip as it is a far less risky procedure for a bloke.

lou33 · 15/03/2005 14:22

i had myself sterilised because i was absolutely sure that i wouldn't want any more children, even with a new partner if dh and i split.

acnebride · 15/03/2005 14:57

Don't think a married man needs his wife's written permission, I don't think xh had anything written from me before having the big V - he was the one who really didn't want children so he had it. I wouldn't like doctors refusing to sterilise me without a written chit from dh, although it wd be a joint decision...

Original poster
BadgerBadger · 15/03/2005 22:34

Thanks so much for your replies .

DH has decided he will be the one to be snipped. Mainly because for a male it is just that, less invasive than tubal ligation.

It is a difficult one, both of us are comfortable with one of us being sterilised, but neither of us particularly want to go through with an op.

I appreciate him for making this decision. Not that I feel that it's 'his turn' as such, I truly enjoy child bearing and birth! But I have had it up to here ^ with fiddling, prodding and poking from our TTC days, I haven't told him this as I really feel ultimately it has to be his decision, unswayed by my personal prodding reservations IYSWIM?

Thanks again

OP posts:
bibiboo · 16/03/2005 22:37

Have to agree TOTALLY with Bobbybob - you did the schildbirth, he gets the snip.

sansouci · 16/03/2005 22:39

Without reading the thread (sorry!), I would say snip for him. For us to do it involves major surgery, I think.

ThomCat · 16/03/2005 22:49

I like the 'his turn' school of thought.

joash · 16/03/2005 23:09

HIM - definatelt HIM!!!!!!

sansouci · 16/03/2005 23:12

BTW, my sister, heavily PG with 3rd child in less than 5 years, told me she was going to deny her DH "conjugal rights" until he has the snip.

Anteater · 16/03/2005 23:16

Heres one thread I wont be reading out to Mrs A...