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Original poster

am i a controlling cow???????

64 replies

shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 10:41

Posted in aibu - the consensus was that i was a contolling cow.

Cant do link, but thread is called: to think dh is being selfish.

I am horrified to think that i am in fact being really contolling to dh, one poster even said they felt sorry for dh.

I dont get it - i really dont. Could someone have a read and honestly tell me if i am being horrid, beacuse its really upset me to think i am being mean to dh.

thansk

OP posts:
Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 11:18

thank you disco.
I havent decided what i will do. If i dont take the dog i will worry now. He has to have medication at certain times and if he doesnt he will be in awful pain - i dont feel i can trust dh to do that.

i am going to log off now.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 11:19

vingear - you will remember me as that mad dog lady!

OP posts:
Acinonyx · 11/11/2008 11:22

I really don't understand why he should stay in and look after the dog when you are going away and were prepared to take the dog with you. In fact, I don't understand why you are going away at all if your dh has come home for the weekend. None of it makes any sense to me.

If I were the dh, I'd be disapponted to be left alone on my weekend home - in favour of a hairdresser's appt. I can't being to imagine that situation working for us. I would then expect to be able to go out and do as I liked if you are going away anyway. I would not expect to have to look after the dog since you could take it with you and had in fact planned to do so.

beanieb · 11/11/2008 11:23

why does he think you are being selfish?

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 11:33

Im going away to see my family and get my hair done. Dh is forces - i cannot plan my life around when he is - isnt going to be around. I do try to most of the time but that just lends to me being miserable as i cant ever do anything outside the house because his plans change constantly, literally hour by hour. I cant just sit in and have no life on the off chance than dh will be about. Army life does not work like that.

As ive said lots before - i was going to take the dog as i had no choice. The poor dog is ill- hes on a lot of medication and some days can barley walk. I was going to have to take 3 stairgates and a lot of equipt with me so that he would be comftable and be able to keep him away from my mums lively puppy. This was not ideal. Dh is going to be home, so i thought it would be easier all round for him to look after the dog. He said he would, then later i found out that really he wasnt going to _ and i suspect he wasnt going to tell me that i only found out by chance. That is why i am angry and am confused why its hard for anyone to understand.

Im just really confused now.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 11:35

He thinks im being selfish as ive asked him to look after the dog. Then because i said it wasnt ok to stay out all night because the dog needs help walking and medication at certain times and cant get it if hes not here to give it to him.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 11/11/2008 11:37

I think you should take the dog with you as planned.

Why can you suddenly not take the dog just because he is home?

thumbwitch · 11/11/2008 11:38

no, he's definitely being an arse here. And you are not being selfish, not really. He has other socialising choices that don't involve abandoning a sick animal to its own devices.

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 11:41

dracula- i can still take the dog. But it would be much better and less stressful for the dog if i didnt.

OP posts:
more · 11/11/2008 12:14

I am sorry but I find it strange that he is not going to come with you and your child (I am presuming that he is the father), and the dog now that he has some extra time off.

VinegarTits · 11/11/2008 12:22

The more i think about this, the more i think he is an arse.

Ok origionally you were going to take the dog, but things have changed now and he is home, and he initially, he has agreed to look after the dog.

And now, all because he wont get a fecking taxi home, your having to consider taking the dog, so you have a sick dog and a toddler to look after at your mums, both of which you look after full time, so you are not getting a break, all becuase of a tenner taxi fare. He is a selfish arsehole, tell him that from me!

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 12:24

because he doesnt want to spend a weekend with the mil!!! also i will be leaving at lunch time and he wont finish until later. Then dd and i are having our hair done, so why would he want to sit around watching that for 3 hours????
And yes he is the father. Have we all gone back in time and have to spend every living second with our husbands??? Do i have to be a bunting cupcake stepford wife in your eyes?

OP posts:
Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 12:30

Yes vingear - you get it.
AND i said could he not rearrange it for the next weekend - that would be fine.
AND he is then going away for the whole of december so i have got to organise the whole of xmas on my own, and he will just turn up onthe 24th or somehting and enjoy it all. Plus the dog needs hours of care a day and im starting a new job and new childcare for dd in two weeks.

that is why im annoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 12:33

i should have stayed logged off shouldnt i? LOL

OP posts:
more · 11/11/2008 12:54

Wow can we just take a step back. Sorry if my post was offensive to you it was in no way intended to be.

beanieb · 11/11/2008 13:43

"He thinks im being selfish as ive asked him to look after the dog. Then because i said it wasnt ok to stay out all night because the dog needs help walking and medication at certain times and cant get it if hes not here to give it to him. "

I think you need to compromise then. If the only reason you don't want him to go out is for the dog's sake, then it makes more sense for you to stick to your original plan and take the dog with you.

I do think it's a bit selfish of you to essentially stop him from seeing his mates on his weekend off when there is an alternative.

Uriel · 11/11/2008 13:46

shoptilidrop - I've read both threads and in no way do I think you're being selfish, controlling or in any way bovine.

Repeat after me - I am not horrid.

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 11/11/2008 13:53

uriel, thank you.

Bean - i am not stopping him seeing his mates, he can see them he just needs to come home at some point in the early hours instead of saturday pm.

In any case he has just phoned, he has rearranged his plans and will go out with that mate next week. This friday he is just going to out out in the village. So that is fine.

OP posts:
beanieb · 11/11/2008 13:54

Are you sure? How will you know. What if he's only saying this and actyally goes out and leaves the dog all night?

MadamDeathstare · 11/11/2008 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anyfucker · 11/11/2008 19:40

beanieb, that is a bit naughty

shop, I posted on your other thread

there is a lot of angst and hot air about this situation

it appears to have been resolved now, and I believe that both your dh and you had a point

sometimes, there just is no right or wrong answer, somebody has to give some ground

if you truly think that person is always you then

  1. in this case it was not you, if you really wrack your brain, could you remember some other examples where dh was a good guy ?

  2. if not, then you need to work on your relationship and you cannot do that while logged onto a pc

AnnasBananas · 11/11/2008 20:24

Shop - you are not unreasonable. I walk in your shoes everyday - I'm army wife with 2 dd's, 1 x dog and just had DH away for the last six months in the sandpit. The responsibility for dog/dd's falls 90% on my shoulders and for the last six months 100%.

Your H should take some share in the reponsibility with your dog, it's clearly not the same situation as having a well dog which only needs letting out for a wee by a neighbour. He should have his fun night out and come back at the end of the night and be there to look after the dog from Saturday morning.

Your DH just needs this pointed out to him in a gentle, non-fishwife screaching way

AnnasBananas · 11/11/2008 20:30

Sorry, just seen your DH has changed his plans.

He is a good guy!!

Enjoy your night away and your hair appointment, and make sure DH does all the washing up after the Sunday lunch.

Lukesmammy · 11/11/2008 21:47

shop - just to let you know I have posted on the aibu thread to say your are NOT being u.

Glad to see things seem better.

estuaryfairy · 11/11/2008 22:38

Is this really all about a dog? Two threads and all this angst because of a dog? Erm, I'd be more concerned about the fact your dh has been away for three weeks and then out every night since he came back. And your plans to go away for the weekend he is around, rather than let him and your dd spend time together. For the record, I don't think you're controlling, I just think you both have strange priorities. [Runs away as the flaming torches become visible over yonder hill]