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Original poster

How to reject kindly...?

32 replies

MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 20:37

I posted last week about a young bloke supposedly telling his grandma that he liked me, she told me ... caught me off guard completely and put me on the spot and I may have accidently given the impression that I was pleased about it (when I was actually totally gobsmacked and unsure of what to say).

She finished by saying "is that ok with you?" and I just mumbled "yes"

Anyway I can't avoid the bloke and I decided to just deal with it by ignoring the fact that she'd said anything and totally act normal. I saw him tonight and this worked well...all totally normal.

Well, I got home and immediately got a text off his grandma saying he now wants to ask me out for a drink but is too shy to ask me then the mobile started ringing ... it was her ... I ignored it and then the house phone started ringing!

It's bloody mental, it really is.

Thing is, I DON'T want to upset him and I know he has a grading on Wednesday (as do I) and we're both nervous about that. If I upset him now, all hell is bound to break loose but this mad woman will just not let it drop.

What can I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 21:07

She's just rang up again its stressing me out.

OP posts:
smellen · 10/11/2008 21:09

Just say your flattered, but not interested in persuing a romantic relationship with him. End of.

Honestly, asking his grandma to ask you out? Are you in the 6th form?!?!

onepieceoflollipop · 10/11/2008 21:11

Can you just say to her (v nicely) that if he wants to ask you out for a drink then he must do it himself, and say to her (perhaps v lightheartedly) to let him get on with it.

If he actually does then you can either politely accept or decline, as you feel best.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 21:14

Smellen, that's what it feels like. I'm 27, I'm used to grown up relationships! To be honest, if he'd asked me himself in the first place I maybe wouldn't have dismissed it as easily as I did.

OP posts:
smellen · 10/11/2008 21:18

LOL! Seriously, getting your granny to ask s.o. out for you - it's just the opposite of sexy, isn't it?!

Original poster
MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 21:22

Exactly!

I don't mind the bloke to be honest, he has a nice personality and it's not that he isn't good looking but for one thing, he's much too young for me and secondly ... his grandma asked me out!

I just don't want to upset him because he is a nice lad. Grandma is a bit of a nutter though.

OP posts:
NumberFour · 10/11/2008 21:25

maybe grandma fancies you????

Original poster
MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 21:26

eww!

I remember ages ago she told me about how she was setting him up with a woman she knew, I think she does this often. This is just a really bad time to be involving me in her games...i'm stressed out enough!

OP posts:
smellen · 10/11/2008 21:27

What's too young? My OH is 7 yrs younger. Would thoroughly recommend, although I'm a lot older than you so not sure I would have wnated to go out with a 20yr old at 27, IYKWIM. When you say "much too young" though, perhaps he is a 6th former!! Would avoid boyfriend would such a "hands on" granny though - you might end up lots of scarey handknits by Xmas (apologies for inherent age-ism here!!)

beanieb · 10/11/2008 21:28

If he's such a wimp that he has to get his grandma to do the wooing then I am not surprised you're not intereste. How weird!

NumberFour · 10/11/2008 21:31

so sorry !!! did not mean to add to your stress!

i was only making a silly joke and of course tone of voice etc does not translate well online....

i agree with onepieceetc - suggest to g'ma that he invites you. you may find that the poor fellow is fed up with being set up by his grandma. probably very embarrasing for him (i never know how to spell embarrassing so apologies for bad sp!)

lou33 · 10/11/2008 21:34

how old is he?

sameagain · 10/11/2008 21:42

Does he know what Grandma's up to? Sound's like the sort of thing my Grandma would have done for her own children, often mentioning how much so and so likes someone, when actually it was either a passing comment, or nothing of the sort had been said.

lou33 · 10/11/2008 21:45

i wondered if he was aware if what she was doing as well

retiredgoth1 · 10/11/2008 21:47

Does Granny have a gingerbread house?

Just a thought. Ahem.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 21:48

lol numberfour! it's ok, I assumed you were joking!

He's 21 and it doesn't help that I actually go for older men than myself to start with. Apart from that, there is no attraction there on my part (I like the rough and ready type so a bloke that is too shy to ask someone out isn't exactly my cup of tea!) and as has already been mentioned, I'm reluctant to get involved anyway simply because of his grandma. She'd be interfering CONSTANTLY.

I actually know her more than I know him so I know what she's like.

I'm not sure Sameagain, It's entirely possible that he is unaware of what she is up to.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSnape · 10/11/2008 21:49

This isn't coming across as a troll post is it? I'm being 100% serious, promise.

OP posts:
lou33 · 10/11/2008 21:52

6 yrs is ok, but i think being 21 may be more of a problem wrt maturity

maybe he did ask her to have a word!!

mind you some 21 yr olds can be way too forward

lou33 · 10/11/2008 21:53

you need to tell her that thank you for her interest but he is too young ,there isnt a lot she can say to that

Original poster
MrsSnape · 11/11/2008 14:41

Well, mad woman sent a voice mail last night saying he wants to go out for a drink but I could meet him at her house for the first time if I'd prefer...???!! what the hell is she on? I feel like a 12 year old being set up on a first date.

She's also phoned me twice today. It's not just me is it? this IS odd and completely irrational behaviour isn't it??

You'd think she'd get the message since I keep ignoring the ffing phone.

I feel sorry for the bloke, what an embarrasing carry on.

OP posts:
smellen · 11/11/2008 14:58

Yep, it's not just you. I'd find it a bit "stalker-ish" IYKWIM. Have you spoken plainly to her and told her you're not interested? If so, if you have caller display, I'd just avoid picking up her calls. An inconvenience for you though, having to feel a bit beseiged in your own home. What a weird family!!

wuzzlefraggle · 11/11/2008 15:32

lol that is pretty weird! No help at all, I know, but....weird....

Shefflin · 11/11/2008 16:22

Oh, FFS, get it sausaged woman, then see how you both feel the next day.

TheNewsMonger · 11/11/2008 17:03

I'd explain to him kindly, by text, to HIS OWN number, that getting his granny to arrange a date might be what gave you doubts.

TheNewsMonger · 11/11/2008 17:06

ps, maybe joke about it with him "your grandma is out of control again, ruining your chances with women!! HAVE a word with her before she's rung every single women in *London. Otherwise there'll be nobody left for you to ask out, who hasn't been scared off by your granny!".

that'll spell out loud and loud that you're not interested yourself, but that you think his only MAJOR disadvantage is his grandma!

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