I subside your life, I allow you to live, you either do as I say or you fuck off

[onthatmidnighttrain]

Just what you'd expect from the father of your children and partner of 8 years hey? This isn't the first time he's come home drunk and ranted like it but fucking believe me this is the last. If that's what he thinks stuff him and I will get out and make a nicer family for my children before it's too late.

Can you tell I am seething?

poor you!whats he like sober?

Sometimes amazing, more recently shit. He's taken to going to bed as soon as he gets in and watching tv alone, he jokingly calls it 'his room'. I don't see the funny side.

I'm getting more upset than angry now. My DC are tiny, we are miles and miles away from family or close friends. I don't work, it was agreed I'd be a SAHM until they went to school, hence his nasty digs at paying for me to live. How do I get away? I can't.

Pack his bag and show him the door - and he thinks that looking after kids is a walk in the park. I know I couldn't do it. That is why I work and dh looks after the kids.

I can't pack his bags, it's his house. I'd have to leave.

He has complained he had no clean socks all week. Do your own laundry ffs. I am toilet training two toddlers, there's enough to do.

surely its your family home not hishome?
in the past when hes done this before,whats he like in the morning?does he know whats hes done?

Not married, but I assume he has parental responsibility?

He also said 'go do it on your own if you think you can'. I think it would be easier really.

oh what a knob

but surely if you have children and you are the one looking after them you shouldn't be the one to leave even if the house is his

sorry you're going through this

for you but he does sound like a knob. If you agreed the set-up, he shouldn't whinge about it now and I would also try and look gfor a way out.
Good luck

There's no love. I do love him but the way he acts means I can't show it. I think I'm better to sever it before things get worse or level out and I'm in a loveless partnership for life.

It's funny the last time we had a blazing row like this was this time last year after a work do where he got drunk. That time he smashed my watch.

I'm bloody terrified about the thought of being alone though. And all our friends and family thinking it has all been a facade.

Is HE toilet trained yet?

I agree with anagram (midnightontraithnat) You could come and join us in the pub for a drink and soft play area without Mr bare-feet. I mean, FFS,

Men.
Can't live with em...
pass the beer nuts.

(RIDER: Unless you get a decent nut-year. Appreciate there are lots of them around.

)

start saving for you or put money in dc accounts from housekeepig etc for an escape fund

what a twat! Im sure your family and friends will rally around and support you. Chin up

Well I've just been to 'his room' and got more of the same bile. Worse maybe. I tried to leave the room twice and he told me to sit the fuck down, so I did. Then after a big rant at me he told me to get the fuck out of the room. Classic manipulative behaviour isn't it. I'm a smart woman, I'm done with this shit.

I'm sleeping with DS tonight and I'll call my mum in the morning.

Ignore him for the rest of the night and then get the fuck out. Your marriage sounds like my marriage about a year ago. You have to keep fighting even in small ways or they will beat you down.

Best bit of advice I read on here was to imagine he is 7 year old boy, after all you would not lower yourself to argue or listen to a silly little boy ranting at you would you? Can't remember who wrote that but it really works.

I think being a SAHM, attractive though it might be, is too high a price to pay for living with someone who talks to you and thinks about you like this. Sorry, but I would leave, say you are going to do it on your own (isn't that what you're effectively doing now?) and get a job if you have to. Can you ask your family for childcare help? He will surely haver to pay maintenance anyway?

I'm terrified about moving, not least for my DS who is autistic and has settled really well into his preschool, we also have brilliant healthcare and support locally. If I leave we will have to move up north to be near my family and it's such a massive thing.

I know I can't live like this any longer though, I can barely face crossing paths before he leaves for work tomorrow.

My children are 2 and 3, childcare is too expensive for me to work atm.

You poor thing - I get so angry reading about men like this, what a load of crap.

I hope you do go to your mother's, it's definitely the right thing to do. He sounds like a horrid man and you deserve much better than this abuse. Trust me, your son will adjust to his new surroundings, and will grow up much better for not having to witness that kind of treatment of his mother.

Say nothing to him tomorrow morning - just go.

I have sooooooo been here in every way you describe. I even have an ASD ds. It is not easy but you can claim benefits and you will manage. I know how trapped you feel, really I do. First thing to do is start taking some power back. You don't have to leave yet if it feels like too big a step. Start putting some money away, even just a couple of pounds a week. When I was stuck I would do things like iron all our clothes except his. Go to bed before he came in, cook food that only the kids would like to eat and ignore any complaints entirely. If he called me from other end of the house I did not respond, just pretended not to hear. I stopped discussing anything of any importance with him. All this went some small way to making me feel that I was fighting him and he couldn't dominate me entirely. You might feel helpless just now but you are not.