Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but here goes. MIL is long-term depressed, and though is only in her early 70s is in a care home as she couldn't cope in her own house. There is a terrible family history - DP's twin brother was killed in a car accident when they were 12, his dad died 9 years ago, then his sister died of cancer 7 years ago. DP is now the only remaining child, and they have no other close relatives, MIL is an only child and FIL's relatives all live abroad.
His mum had always been prone to depression throughout her life, but understandably, these events triggered severe depression/mild psychosis, and he made the decision to put her in a home 3 years ago. She is stable, but very withdrawn and has no interest in life (not even her grandson really).
But, her depression aside, she is a very difficult person. She was really controlling of DP when growing up, and he has had a very difficult relationship with her throughout his life - mixture of guilt and resentment. This was the case before the bereavement, btw. The guilt has no doubt increased since though.
She is ultra-religious (he was brought up so but rebelled when a teenager), her life revolves around the church, and she has always disapproved of me for being non-Christian. There are many things which to me smack of hypocrisy though - I don't equate being religious with being 'good', I think being good makes you good.
She is just really really hard to be with. I am not a partiuclarly impatient person but I find even a few hours with her trying.
Our absolute dream house is on the market - slightly beyond our realistic budget. DP has just announced that he would go for it if his mum was to live with us.
He feels lots of guilt about her situation - understandably so, and I think it would ease his conscience if she were to live with us. I can understand and sympathise with this.
But this has really freaked me out - think my instinctive reaction is horror
Not only would it be a nightmare for me personally (for reasons above) I also could not cope personally with being a carer. It is just not in me. Let alone caring for someone with depression - I would feel totally unqualified to deal with this.
It would also have such huge implications for the rest of our lives. I am currently a SAHM but at some point am assuming I'll go back to work (when DS is at nursery probably). I also want another DC but DP is not sure. If we had taken on such a big financial, and emotional commitment I am sure he would be even more reluctant to have another.
I just don't know what to do - I feel terrible, really selfish and uncompassionate, but this is just not what I want for any of us, and tbh I would just hate every minute of it. Am I a horrible person? What should I do? I would much rather not have the house if it is on these terms. And part of me feels DP is emotionally manipulating me by saying this.
Sorry this is soooo long, if you have got this far, thank you for listening.