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Feeling Sexy when you hate your body

15 replies

PandaBear · 28/02/2003 09:17

Hi All, I am desperately in need of some advice. My DD was born in May last year and although I have lost a lot of weight since then, I still hate the way I look. My DH is very supportive of me, never comments on my body (except to tell me I look nice), and never nags me into making love.
The problem is that because of the way I feel, our sex life has gone down the pan. DH knows how I feel and never makes any moves on me as I have often said no in the past. I then start to nag him about not fancying me now I'm fat from having a baby. Deep down I know it's my problem not his. But what can I do about it? I love DH with all my heart and I want to be able to relax enough to make love, but I just don't feel sexy and am constantly thinking that he must look at me and think I'm disgusting.
Has anyone else gone through this? Or does anyone have any advice about how I can overcome this problem? Sorry for rambling on - just don't have anyone I can talk to about this.

OP posts:

happydays · 28/02/2003 10:37

Pandabear, I do know what you mean, I am a few stone (maybe more) overweight, I used to hate the way my body looked (still do a bit), now I just concentrate on the things that I do like about my body. I have nice hair and bust. I spend a lot of time on my hair and wear nice fitted tops, I hate my tummy and bum, but as do not seem to want to do anything about it (endless diets that I give up on easily), I have to accept it. My dh never had any negative comments. Just concentrate on something you do like about yourself and get some confidence back.

As with your DH, suprise him with a sexy outfit, no matter how you feel just do it and look at the look of love/lust on his face should prove that he still thinks your sexy. I mean ask yourself how much you love your DH, would you still love/fancy him the same if he put on a little weight...of course you would.

Good luck


fallala · 01/03/2003 01:40

pandabear, a bottle or two of nice wine should do the trick.


ks · 01/03/2003 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Gillam · 06/06/2003 12:50

Your Dh loves you rite and you love him. I know that when you have had a baby you put weight on and sometimes fell un sexy, but try and relax down. Sex makes you feel good. It takes stress away and can make you feel more positive in your relationship.

Me and my husband had sex rite the way through my pregnancy, until at the very end. We are tired alot of the time now and don't do it quite so often, but when we do it feels great and I feel very happy. Maybe you should just try to come onto your bloke out of the blue and he will be over the moon that you have and hopefully you will have a great time and the stress will disapear from you. Try thinking positive about yourself. When I said to my husband look at my tummy and my bum it looks really big and horrible now he just replied how could I possibly find it horrible to me I love it because it is there because of our baby!!!

Keep your chin up luv and I hope this advice is ok.


SamboM · 06/06/2003 12:52

New slinky nightie did the trick for us! Make sure it's pretty skimpy and you can keep it on, makes you feel much better than all that naked wobbly stretchmarked flesh. And of course candles and lots of wine...


motherinferior · 06/06/2003 13:01

Good luck. I know just how you feel...


aloha · 06/06/2003 13:50

Maybe a massage, hair cut and colour and a pedicure might help? Some new clothes? Anything that makes you feel a bit more pampered and pretty. I know it's hard. I am still 20lbs overweight after having ds 20months ago and feel so different to how I did before. I think sometimes you've just got to have a couple of drinks, turn the lights off and get on with it. Smetimes just having sex can make you feel sexier.


suzyj · 06/06/2003 13:51

Me too! Try pinning him down and smearing Vaseline on his eyeballs and that way you'll appear in flattering soft focus at all times...

No, but seriously, have you talked to dh about how you feel? Make him aware that you need a bit more reassurance from him that you're still gorgeous and desirable. Suggest ways he can get you in the mood: extravagant compliments, selecting a slinky nightie for you to wear. Make sure he knows it's not him that's the problem. Me and dh get into this cycle occasionally and he now knows what's going on in my head (the problems - both weightwise and the insecurity about it - are all mine) and what might work to get me out of it, but we only reached this stage by talking about it. For ages he though that it was because I didn't fancy him any more and it really couldn't have been further from the truth. Talk to the man, he sounds like he's lovely from what you say.


SamboM · 06/06/2003 14:25

Another hot tip, go to a hotel for the night so you feel like you did before children!


aloha · 06/06/2003 14:31

Yes, the hotel thing (minus baby) does work.


SamboM · 06/06/2003 14:45

Yes, has to be minus babe of course!


Finbar · 06/06/2003 14:53

I love threads like this one- makes you feel you're not the only one!
Any suggestions for making deflated rucksack tummy look sexy?


SamboM · 06/06/2003 14:57

shut your eyes!s


Demon · 06/06/2003 15:07

Don't forget that having sex burns up calories as well!! The more you do it the better you will feel about it. As the lovely ladies have suggested, a bit of alcohol, dim the lights and a small sexy covering of some sort to cover any areas that you are really bothered about and go for it.

You're not alone though, I felt the same way not so long ago and went for months without any physical contact. He has been away for the week working though so......I'll leave the rest to your imaginations!!!!

Good luck.


motherinferior · 06/06/2003 19:18

I've thought for some time now that the whole physical battering/weight gain we take from pregnancy and childbirth is a major contributor to post-natal blues, if not depression. It doesn't help that we're all bombarded with images of celebs slinking about in size 8s two weeks after they've had a baby! I've actually been feeling really low for a lot of this pregnancy (my second) knowing just how crappy I'm going to look/feel for the next year; I have vivid memories of refusing to meet up with ex-boyfriends because I was so embarrassed about the way I looked. Pathetic or what - and yes, my partner still fancied the pants off me, even though I was obsessed with the rolls of fat hanging over said pants.

I've just thought - maybe some other sort of physical exercise might make you feel slightly differently about your body, and/or burn up calories, release endorphins, etc. The thing that did make a difference to me was swimming and aqua-aerobics.

Good luck!

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