Who comes first - your dh/dp or your children?

[emkana]

Hi everyone,
sorry about the rather clumsy thread title.
Dh and I were talking tonight and I was telling him about my parents when I was young. For example they never ever picked me up from anywhere when I was a teenager (parties or similar) - they wanted me to be safe on my way home, so had to be with a friend, but they enjoyed their evenings a deux with one or two bottles of wine too much to pick me up. Doesn't bother me now, but hated that when I was young! That's just one small example for their general attitude - while they were good loving parents it was always clear to my brother and me that the most important for my mum/dad was the other one. Dh and I agreed that it's different for us - we love each other, yes, but our dd's are everything and definitely come first. Are my parents very unusual in their attitude, or not?

[Slink]

our dd comes first for both me and dh we just make more of our time alone together

[logic]

Me and dh are a unit. The kids come first to us. If there was no "us" then the kids would suffer IMO.

[Tortington]

am sure when my kids have kids of their own they too will expect to be able to pile them off on me and dh whilst they go out to the pub - well stufffffffffff that! i can perfectly understand those retired parents who just want to bog off and have a bit of a life - it is their turn - and babysitting should not be an expectation.

put a gun to my head i would say kill dh save my kids. but thatsnot the question is it really?

relationships need somuch work whether they be with your children or your partner for life. i am luvcky and honoured to say that my husband is the dogs bollocks and i can't wait until we retire so we can have nooners without wondering if the kids will walk in.

when kids turn into adults it doesnt mean they are not your kids - however as an adult they should recognise that they are not now the centre of the universe.... 'cos that will be me and dh.

[cori]

I think I put DS first, but DH puts me first. What that says about our relationship, I dont know.

[felixthecat]

ds every time and my dh knows it. can't switch off from being a mum, have forgotten how to be a wife these past months...

[micmic]

for me you have to balance both your kids and dh because sometimes if you dont give time to your dh anymore you will end up arguing most of time and that can end up in divorce and will affect your kids. You have to show to your ds/dd and dh that they are both important in your life because by doing that you keep the family in tact.

[pixiefish]

dd- definetly

[hercules]

kids come first for both of us. i couldnt respect dh if he felt anyother way.

[SkiBunnyFlummy]

Child. Ours is young only 1. Children are more needy than adults. DP loves me very much but survived without me for 30 years so clearly ok.

Not sure how long DD would survive, maybe 30 days as she does know where the biscuits are to be found and how to get into the packets.

[SkiBunnyFlummy]

Mind you having said that DP always puts me first. But totally understands that I always put DD first. He says its mother love. He loves DD but he reckons he loves me more !!!!n It'll pass - we have only been together a few years.

Back to Emkana. My mum ferried us about a bit. I would only do it within limits eg 1 or 2 eves a week. I love my DD but am not her slave!!

[paolosgirl]

I think it's important to have time for yourselves - not always that easy when you don't have family close by to help out - but the kids come first, always. Doesn't mean we neglect each other, but dd and ds are only little, and need more looking after than either of us do.

Dh's parents were a bit like emkana's - they never went to anything he was doing eg school rugby matches, and Saturday mornings were the time every week when their bedroom door was locked for you know what and dh and sil were to fend for themselves. Eeuuwwww...