How did having a baby changed your relationship with your partner?

[tostaky]

Asking bc im 8 months PG i'm worried that as i will be obviously more involved in raising the baby and he is in the midst of devleoping his business that our life will differ so much that we won't have anything in common anymore...
me: baby, baby, baby, baby...
him: business, business, business...

So yes, im interested in your experience and how you managed your couple during maternity leave and then when you got back to work..

Cheers

[ChairmumMiaow]

I'd definitely say take it one baby at a time. You'll know (I guess, having only had one and knowing I'm nowhere near read for another!) when you're ready for another.

It is hard. Even 8 months in I'm still snappy and often exhausted, and supremely jealous of DH's sleep, but we get through it. DH and I discussed it and he understands that my moods are due to tiredness etc, and is (even) more forgiving than he normally is.

I agree that sex is important. We don't manage it as often as we used to, but making sure its semi-regular seems to keep DH happier, meaning he is more forgiving of me etc.

To make sure that DH doesn't feel like you're shutting him out with your DC (which I'm sure happens plenty whether us mums mean to or not) I would try and make sure DH has a job that's just his. With us, in the early months it was DH taking DS out for a walk in the sling when I'd had enough. He likes walking, he loves having DS snuggled up next to him, and he felt like he was doing something to help - when he often felt quite helpless with our constantly BF DS. Now its bathtime, which is their special time, and they love it together.

Good luck. Don't expect it to be easy, and as much as possible explain to your DH how you're feeling (and if possible, why you're feeling that way).

[whomovedmychocolate]

Chairmummiaow - nah that's bollocks -you think you are ready, then you get pregnant with number 2 and panic! And feel horribly guilty about the neglect you will give to BOTH kids

[cory]

I didn't feel it drove us apart even in the early months; dh was as interested in the babies as I was and just as hands-on. All right, I did the 2 a.m. breastfeed, but then he did the nappy change. Of course we were more tired, but I think we also gained a new respect for each other.

[VictorianSqualorSquelchNSquirm]

Totally agree with the give dad a job thing. Bath time is the best, It works great with DS2 and DP.

WMMC, I meant I'm meeting her at the park monday, but we can meet at pret another day. Come back on local we'll talk there.
Sorry for hijack!!

[ChairmumMiaow]

Whomoved - oh shit, never mind, I'll just have to cope with that if I ever get DH to agree to 2!

[whomovedmychocolate]

Chairmummiaow - actually we didn't decide on DS - we just were too bloody lazy to sort out contraception as it was such a rarity for us to need any! But then he was delighted and I was terrified, a complete about face from my first pregnancy when he was terrified and I was over the sodding moon

[TwoPumpkins]

The birth experience brought us closer together, we both felt as if it was us against the world. I think that saw us threw the first 12 weeks of 0 sleep! Its not all bad, just dont try to take on two much as well as a baby, like holidays or extensions or new bathrooms. You'll be ok

[tostaky]

well...thank you for the warnings!
I appreciate it will be difficult to keep a balance... I dont want to be the perfect housewife like in those 40s adverts!!
I talked to him last night and he re-assured me a bit.
I was planning to get him involved with the bath and nappy changing etc and also putting the baby to sleep when he comes back from work (even if it is at 9pm)
Im also planning to leave baby for one day to him in december bc i have to do something for work. I wont be here to see whats going on (or even contactable on the phone) and he'll have total responsibility for the baby...that should bring them together a bit more.
Ive planned to leave the baby at the creche a few times a week too as I am planning to run the london marathon in april next year. I figure it gives me a goal that is not baby-orientated and not too difficult to organise + boyfriend will have to take care of baby when i'll run a few training races over the w-end.
We've got a cleaner so i dont worry about housekeeping too much (i still have to do things but less).
We dont have family in the Uk and most of our friends dont have babies.. so a bit hard to find a trusted babysitter.. i guess i'll try to go to a playgroup and meet other mums..

We talked about me getting PG again when the bub will be 6 months, bc it takes 9 very long months to make another one and also bc i'll be able to go back in maternity leave soon after going back to work. But yeah, we'll see how things go!

A few more weeks before the start of my / our new life... gosh thats scary!!

[tostaky]

Thanks for the book recommendations... hopefully my library has them!

[tostaky]

what about expressing my milk so my dp can feed the baby sometimes?
too much hassle or good idea?

[2manychips]

Great idea, or the second they whimper if yr dh is like mine you'll just get handed dc with the "oh he's hungry" excuse. I left it too late and dd wouldnt take ebm without a battle. Once she finally did at 6mths dh felt much more useful and took more interest. I think he actually needed to feel useful.