so mortified with embarassment i could die!! (warning, it's a bit graphic!!)

[emz31]

oh my god, i don't know where to start, so i'll just plunge right in - DH came home early last night and found me upstairs-ahem! - having a good time on my own with a hand held shoulder massager!!!(blush). there was no getting out of it, i just started to cry with embarassment and kept saying i wished he'd called first!! - poor bloke was fine about it on the outside but we're both fairly reserved sexually and i just don't want him thinking i do this sort of thing every afternoon whilst he's out at work (i really don't!) he seems normal this morning, but i just can't stop thinking about it and just feel a bit wierd about our marriage now, like i've ruined it, or been caught cheating on him. i know this sounds really funny and i'd laugh about it if it was someone else but i feel so ashamed and guilty and i don't think i'll ever feel normal again - oh no, i've started crying again just thinking about it.
i don't expect that anyone else has been in the same position but some well meaning advice on how to get over this would be v. welcome as i feel so awful.

Yes

yep since i got caught out... i do it more than DP in front of him - in bed of course! (ive never seen DP doing it to himself yet- i will one day )

Message withdrawn

emz31 I would bet my last tooth that he was turned on and not just trying to stop you crying! Men LOVE that sort of thing , I bet that he made himself seem 'chilled' instead of downright horny as a way to show sensitivity to your feelings. No harm is done, it's completely normal to carry on like that, and IMHO, there would me greater problems in being with a man who reacted badly to such a thing. (but am glad your DH has seen reason, Spagblog).
Nothing to be ashamed about, nothing to feel guilty about, and certainly no threat to your marriage.

Actually, if you do feel more reserved than you would like to, more of such fun by yourself might help you feel bolder.

You need to talk to him about it - you'll probably find that he really is fine about it. C'mon, how many men masturbate? It really shoudn't be a biggie. DH actually keeps up my supply of batteries. It doesn't bother him in the slightest and he actually likes the thought of it IYSWIM and I've even sent him texts at work, telling him how I'm planning to occupy myself once the kids are in bed .

(P.S. Sleepyjess - glad you like the poo posts)

Yup sleepyjess, he was so immature and insecure when I met him that he didn't like the thought that I might be making myself happy - he should have been enough for me - LOL!
He has seen the error of his ways naturally!

thank you all sooo much - you have made me feel so much better, even though i have just been round tescos cringing!!! like you bibiboo, i have never even farted in front of him and still lock the door when i go for a wee, so you can imagine my mortification!! - no doubt the embarassment will fade with time and i'm sure when i get pissed we can laugh about it, but girls, you have no idea how much bewtter you've all made me feel! xx

A couple of weeks after DH and I moved in together, we were in bed one night and we decided to both fart together after the count of 3.. just to get it over with.. ..

Oh Emz, glad you can laugh about it(a bit) now. I don't lock the door when I wee, and when I was pg, I didn't even close the door during the night - (i did during the day!) because it was squeaky and didn't want to wake dh for the seventeenth million time that night! So he saw me weing a few time when he got up to see if I was okay.
He very sweetly told me he would forgive me breaking wind at any time when I was pg because his best mate had told him his wife was like a wind machine during her pg and he didn't want me to suffer if I needed to do it . Sadly I didn't take him up on the offer, it might have been very liberating for our relationship!

God, I'm so uncouth. I'd be delighted to catch my dw entertaining herself!
When we first got together I closed the bathroom door to go to the loo. She bowled in saying what you got the door closed for, no need for you to be shy about what YOU have. Made me feel very relaxed, I can tell you.

Poor you! I would be v. embarassed to be caught at it too! Glad you have managed to talk about it! xxx

I have followed this thread since AM and found myself laughing hysterically - not at you EMZ. I have all empathy as embarrassment is so painful. I am glad everyone has made you feel so much better.

I never bothered shutting the door when weeing and have never had any bodily function to hide from DH. I think he was shocked at how at ease I am with these things. With the size of my bump, I will soon request that he trim my pubic hair and shave my bikini line! A girl has gotta look good.

Must admit that I don't have a bunny or a shoulder massager so now I am getting ideas. I know that he will love it.

I recommend a book about sexual fantasies called 'My secret garden' by Nancy Friday. It was compiled by a US psychologist - they are actual women's fantasies. So many women will find it a ahem 'liberating' read. Two followup books called Women on Top and Men in Love followed for the more 'liberated' ones among us.

Where can I errr my dw get these books?

thanks happydaddy for the male perspective. i'm still very paranoid about it all though and when he didn't return my text earlier to remind him to get his mum a card i became convinced he was planning to leave me and started panicking about how i would explain that to everyone!!! he phoned about half an hour ago though to let me know he was coming home (have a feeling he'll be phoning religiously from now on!!) and was fine. i'm doing my best to block the whole scenario from my mind by keeping busy, but am still having flashbacks and want to die!!! i mean the sheer size of the shoulder massager is embarassing enough!! - may have to invest in something a little more discreet - hee hee!!! it's his b-day this weeked and we're planning a lovely piss up, so no doubt the topic will be out in the open by the time i've had a few jars - i will keep you all updated as my shame starts to fade.
just a quick Q happydaddy as a male - would you seriously not feel a little inadequate if you did walk in on your DW in that position? - i couldn't stand DH thinking that as we do have a very good sex life.
thanks again all, feel like i have lots of new best friends in who i can confide my darkest secrets, as lets face it you really can't bring that little incident up with your mates down at the toddler group, no matter how close you are!!!

No way, I do it (all men do the ones who say they don't are liars , so why shouldn't she? I'd find it a big turn on as it would show me that she is a sexual person.

waterstones hd

hD thanks, am gradually starting to calm down, and one day (maybe when i'm 70!) hopefully i'll be able to laugh about it!!

emz i can tell you for a fact that my dh wouldn't feel inadequate either, hope this doesn't dwell on your mind too much.

It's not one of those shoulder massager devices that are so obviously vibrators is it?
You see them advertised in magazines with a woman ecstatically rubbing her neck, and a description of how it relieves those aches that are "so hard to reach"

voila

hello ks!

Lol Spagblog! My DP actually bought me one of them a few years ago! I didn't know whether to laugh or punch him when I opened up the parcel!

i would kiss him!

This thread still has me laughing. I can't believe I have looked past those 'back massagers' for all these years, spagblog.

HappyD, Nancy Friday is available from any bookstore and amazon. I think you will enjoy the read too.

EMZ, I see that you are relaxing already. Have a read at Nancy Friday. And I think that we already know what you should get DH for his birthday.