Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh and I had an argument last tuesday and dh is still blanking me

65 replies

arabella2 · 06/10/2008 07:21

and it is now Monday morning which makes it 5 days probably the longest this has ever happened before but whereas in the past I would somehow have pleaded with him thus demeaning my own points of view because if he is upset about stuff then so am I, this time I am not doing anything waiting to see how long he can go on like this. It's not nice though. I don't want to start talking about things when he is in this mood because he will just bark aggressively at me and I can't take it... we do have things to discuss but I don't know why I had to end up with someone who uses such controlling prolonged sulking as a weapon. Anyone else with a serial sulker?

OP posts:
Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:20

He has a very bad divorce where first wife got whole of his house even though her child was hers from a previous relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:21

I don't know exactly what he is holding out for it is true that we both need more space, really I do have to help him more but not with him going on and on at me about everything under the sun

OP posts:
Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:22

Plus I have and do overspend sometimes

OP posts:
CherryChapstick · 06/10/2008 10:27

I overspend sometimes too.
DH will tut at me and give "the" look as we are struggling with money like so many others, but it has never gone this far.
What you are experiencing is mental torture. If you put up with it, you are a doormat and he will continue to treat you as such.
Lay down the law, it's ultimatum time!

RubberDuck · 06/10/2008 10:32

No no no no no. Don't lend him the money please. Your post is ringing HUGE alarm bells with me with his behaviour.

Keep your money for you - you never know when it might be an emergency. There is the potential there for him bleeding you dry then saddling you with a load of his debts too along with a house repossession.

The inheritance is in your name and your name only, keep it that way for your own and your children's security.

Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:38

He really is not a nasty person (well aside from some of his not so effective relational tools) and he has been struggling for a long time and cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel. The thing I do not understand is why he does not even try to do anything with this third property which might sell.
The money which I use for the weekly stuff is not from the inheritance but money that I get from him and also some tax relief... sorry if I did not make this clear. I have dipped into my Mum's money but not for basics....

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 06/10/2008 10:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:39

Plus he has hesitated a long time to ask for any money despite huge credit card interest rates because of being worried about not paying it back plus I did offer a long time ago plus I don't mind if I am getting paid back every month which then is more of a burden on him but at least no interest.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 06/10/2008 10:40

Message withdrawn

CherryChapstick · 06/10/2008 10:41

Stop deffending him!
You came on here for our opinions, we are giving them to you so you can work this out and you are deffending him. Stop it! He is being a nob!

FluffyMummy123 · 06/10/2008 10:41

Message withdrawn

Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:41

That's just it, there is never a moment between kids' needs and general stress where you can just lie back and just contemplate.

OP posts:
Beetroot · 06/10/2008 10:42

Have you asked before with adifferent name?

CherryChapstick · 06/10/2008 10:42

I don't get you.
What do you want?

Beetroot · 06/10/2008 10:43

of t=course there is tiem. On your way to college.

after kids in bed

this is not normal!

CherryChapstick · 06/10/2008 10:44

I have 3 kids, a dog and a busy life, BUT I also have a lovely man and I love it all as we are happy.
You are not or you wouldn't be here.
Your way of living is unhealthy.

Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:45

Have I asked what with a different name? Cherry - what don't you get? I am annoyed about stuff but I don't think he is a bad person who intends to throw me out. What's not normal? I know we should do work after kids in bed but youngest doesn't go to sleep until 9.30 or 10.00pm after which we are both knackered.

OP posts:
Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:48

Sorry, my last "what's not normal" question was for Beetroot.

OP posts:
chocolatemummy · 06/10/2008 10:50

financial pressures are some of the worst and at the moment probably lots of relationships that were 'just about holding on' will be coming to an end because the economic situ is so bad.
Dont put up with this crap though, life is hard enough as it is with three young kids, debts and fairly recent death of your mother (from what I can see) and if you are arguing and suffering anyway, I wouldnt give him what little money you have from your mum because that might be all you have to get out of there with if it comes to that.
I know you are married but if you are not on the mortgage it is dodgy because he wont leave as its his house (on paper).

CherryChapstick · 06/10/2008 10:51

What I don't get is that you have come on here moaning about your DH, so we tell you what we think is wrong and you are sticking up for him now.
Ya know, my DH has been married before, she cheated on him and took him for every penny, I have history. Everybody does. We have 3 kids, not much money and we are busy, BUT, we are very happy, he is the nicest person I know. You are not happy. So, saying that his ex has something to do with the way he is is wrong, HE is treating you badly and that has nothing to do with his past.
Still, you can't tell some people, can you?...

Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 10:58

Not fair CherryChapstick - of course none of you are here, I am angry with dh about some things but I too have my part to play and the thing which annoys me the most is our lack of communication skills. In other ways he is loyal. There is no question of an ultimatum because there are kids involved and because too much is at stake. Tell me what - that I should walk out or ask him to do it.... that's not what I want, I want some peace within the relationship. Dh is seriously in debt and each month struggles to pay the mortgage - without this he would be a lot happier. Yes I don't like his sulking and he is a difficult person sometimes, I don't believe that people/families can't come through hard times even if the hard times seem to go on for a long time.

OP posts:
chocolatemummy · 06/10/2008 11:01

Cherry chapstick, harsh but you are quite right I think, but I am slso guilty of some of that at times, but sometimes you jyuts need people to tell it like it is and make you realise how stupid you are being.
I am most guilty of thinking the grass is greener....when I already know deep down that it more often than not IS not!
I agree that this situation is pathetic and how two grown adults can not be speaking to eachother for five days is crazy, and how is that affecting the children because they pick up on so much.
The most i can go without talking to my dh is about 10 minutes because its normally just me being s demanding or spoilt cow lol

CherryChapstick · 06/10/2008 11:06
chocolatemummy · 06/10/2008 11:08

lmao,, lets go get a cup of coffee, it's bloody freezing where I am !

Original poster
arabella2 · 06/10/2008 11:08

Ok agreed that he is treating me badly - what am I supposed to do about it that doesn't jeopardise whole of life together? Next time you have a serious issue would you really appreciate someone calling it a pathetic thread?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread