SIL lied to me.

[LOVEMYMUM]

I had my little girl at the end of February by c-section due to failed induction as a result of borderline high blood pressure.
DH's sister (my SIL) said that she was unable to visit our new little family as her 30 year-old daughter would be jealous.
She did look after LO for a few hours one afternoon. I told a family friend and SIL rang me to tell me off about telling friend.

I spoke to her daughter who telephoned me this morning to tell me that her mother said that she used jealousy as an excuse as she did not want to look after any more people (she is the oldest of six children).

I understand that SIL wants her life to herself, but to lie involving an innocent person.... i find that borderline unforgivable.

I no longer trust SIL and i don't want her anywhere near me. She takes our daughter out of DH's arms cos she thinks DH needs a rest -what does it have to do with her?

Help - i can't break off contact cos she is my SIL but i find her a hypocrite. She paints herself as being a good person - not in my book she isn't!!!

I think it's a bit of a shock when people's words don't match their actions.

Plus a steep learning curve when it's right after a baby when one would expect help.

LOVEMYMUM - where are your own family in all of this? Are they not around to give you support? I think if you've got your own support network of family and friends, your in-law problem would be less important.

Hi Quinne. I hope this clears it up: I have now organised other help as it is now clear that i have to do so. I wish this had been made clear from the birth of the baby.

My mother looked after me and Katie every day for 6 weeks after the operation in my house, then i went to my parents house for 2 weeks as i couldn't bear to be in my own house. My mother understands that the in-laws have their own lives but wishes that they had been upfront about helping me, as she thought they would muck in as well. If she had known earlier on, she would have perhaps organised some paid help for me.

8 weeks of pampering after a c section? That sounds OTT. Where was your husband? What was wrong with your house? You do come across as a bit precious.

I was in a lot of pain.
DH went back to work after 2 weeks, and when he was off on paternity leave he wanted to use the time to finish off a work project.

2Rebecca - I couldn't get off the toilet without pain for 3 weeks. I was bf'ing and tired out BEFORE the birth as i was admitted for an induction which was then halted and i was discharged.

I couldn't push the buggy for 8 weeks.
I was one of the unlucky women who needed time to recover from a major operation.

2Rebecca - I was suffering with PND and a change of scenery helped me.

Women who have had c-sections are not usually out and about within days of birth.

I had c-sections too. It doesn't take 8 weeks to recover - you have to be on your feet within 24 hours, preferably only 12.

I was on my feet then as the anaesthetic wore off i felt internal pulling and tightness. I was very sore and still feel sore around the scar.

(NB - please stop attacking me over wanting some recovery time to heal from a major operation after a 96 hour labour).