what happens in a womens refuge?

[fairy15]

whats it like? & do i need to take anything? do i need money? thats about it really. thanx any answers wold be great.

thanx tiny that's a relief! The boys love their fruit & eat so much I don't want them to have to go without.

Yes of course I know where Stowmarket is, it's not that far from me.
You have another friend not so far away, call on me at any time.
[email protected]

Fairy it will be ok best done now whilst they are small, they shouldn't be brought up in an abusive environment. it will be such a relief when you have left. when are you going?

I think everyone has answered most of your questions so far.
just wanted to add what a hugely brave decision you are taking and what an amazing thing you are doing not only for your children but for YOU.

Well done.and please do not feel guilty about leaving him. your not doing this to him, he did it to himself by hitting you.

Im realy pleased you have found someone whop is close to you and can offer you some RL support.

as for housing, you can register as homeless anywhere in the country.
as you have children the council will have aduty of care to find you suitable accomodation. be warned they will try and say that you are "intentionally" homeless. this is a loop hole that they have in place to try and prevent people from deliberatly getting thrown out so that they can get a council house.

Of course your not intentionally homeless but be ready for a bit of a row with them. it may be worth speaking to SHELTER as they are able to send someone with you to teh council to help you. If you have any details of police being called or phone calls to womens aid...anything basicly that can back up your claim of domestic violance then make sure you take that with you.

Benefits- if when you leave you have less than (i think its currently) £3k then you will be able to claim Income support, child tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit and council tax benefit.

Have you considered what you are going to do with regards to contact for teh children?
If you are going to contest it or ask for restriction that youthink he may not agree with then you should try and speak with a solicitor as soon as possible too. if you are on income support you will qualify for legal aid.

thanx cherry I really do appreciate it. I'm so thankful of coming to mumsnet & never expected that I would ever be in this situation but I am & am getting so much support. I've got another week as his off work at the minute as his starting a new job so am waiting till I have a full day & head start!

oh fairy i hope its ok whilst he's off work? at least you can come on here and talk to us anytime you know im always on this computer lol!!

Lol nicola whatever time I'm on here your always about I'll be fine now that he thinks his back in my good books. It really is helping to come on here & talk about it. Just can't wait till next week when I can say ladies I'm off now but untill then I just keep smiling to myself about how pathetic he is, is that bad?

not at all, he will be so shocked when you go. that will be the time you have to stay strong as he will try every kind of emotional blackmail he can think of. But its too late he should have thought of that sooner xxx

Smile away

here's a few for you

i know you say he doesn't know his way around the pc but please be carefull. if he gets wind that you are planning to leave he may becme violant again.

when you finish each session click on tools, the internet options, where it says "browsing history" click delete, and then delete all temporary files.

it means that if he types in MN it wont bring up any of your threads in browsing history.

It all seems very MI5 but honestly, it is worth teh effort.

yes good idea, i was going to say make sure you log out of here, you know when you have finished sign out.

and on the same note, I know you said you are guarding your phone, well, can you please take it to the toilet with you?
Being paranoid for you.

Just to say that Women's Aid offers a whole package of support services, not just refuge. If you contact the group nearest to where you are going to stay, they will be a mine of relevant information re local council housing, benefit entitlement, best solicitors, etc.

For those of you who want to donate - Please do not just turn up at the refuge. Phone the contact number in the phone book and arrange to deliver stuff to their office or advice centre.

Hi Fairy. I stayed in a refuge with my DCs when I left my ex 11 years ago. We had to leave in the middle of the night, having just the clothes we were wearing, and the police took us to the refuge. I've never cried so much.
At the refuge, we were welcomed with open arms. They gave us food and drink, and didn't mind that we'd arrived in the early hours. I was also offered help to claim benefits. As they often received bags of clothes, I was able to sift through and find things for me and my DCs. Next day, we went to some charity shops.
My social worker visited me regularly.
I was nervous at first, but my kids weren't affected because they were only 2 and 3, they were enrolled at the local playschool, and had a great time.
I soon got used to having my own money, and not walking on eggshells.
It was 4 months before I got a house, but as I was happy at the refuge, I didn't mind.
Whilst I was there, I regularly saw women turn up in the early hours, who had to leave their homes quickly.
I met a lovely lady who had been subjected to daily violence by her husband for 40 years. She was tiny, but he would stand outside the refuge and was 6' 4", and heavily built. He had told the police she imagined him hitting her, and the bruises were self-inflicted. As the refuge was becoming too well-known, it was decided to move to a different building a few streets away.
I often think of them and am grateful for their help.
Good luck with your situation, I hope everything works out well.

totally o/t hun, but if you get a minute can you email me? i have a question to ask thats all, not urgent...nicolamardell @ hotmail.com thanks hun xxx

nicola i've only got my email addy which is our joint one so he gets them also even if i delete it. is it about something else?
mn is on our favourites list so just click on there so i don't think it comes up on history. he knows i'm always on mn anyway looking at buggies & that so hopefully won't become suspious. am on my phone most ofbthe time.

yes something really unrelated hun xx

its ok am back on my other addy now i rembered the password! will mail you now.

Fairy - Mumsnet will still come up on History, with a complete list of every thread that you have been on. The fact that you get here through favourites doesn't stop that. It's really worth deleting history after each session if you've been on this thread, as there is info on here which would suggest it is your own thread not someone else's that you are just reading. (Go to Tools, Internet Options, Clear History to get rid of it)

have just done it, there was lots of options but just clicked on history, is that all i need to do? thanx so much

morning hun hope you are ok today? im at work today so will get email this evening and mail you back, its only something silly but wanted to ask you hun xx

hmm you have me wondering now! No not getting rid of my maclaren LOL!

oh its just my friend has a little boy finlay and she ordered something personalised for him for xmas i think its a santa stop here sign or something which has his name on and the co. has sent her two by mistake. Wondered if your son had the same spelling of his name. as I will send it to you free when all is settled and nearer to xmas, as she was going to take it to charity shop xxx sorry hope you don't mind me mentioning something which is the last thing on your mind at the moment xxx

thats really nice of you to think about me, thanx. finn is just finn not short.