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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what happens in a womens refuge?

80 replies

fairy15 · 03/10/2008 15:31

whats it like? & do i need to take anything? do i need money? thats about it really. thanx any answers wold be great.

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Original poster

fairy15 · 04/10/2008 19:30

thanx anyway, really kind of you. am just trying to be alight with him so that he goes.
was going to empty our account but am feelng guilty now that he will be left with nothing.

OP posts:

brightandshiny · 04/10/2008 19:45

((big hugs)) If you need anything just let me know ok? I have a travel cot if you need one. will email you but won't mention this.

Original poster

fairy15 · 04/10/2008 19:54

thanx. Was just trying to change my password on that email addy but now I can't get in! So if you don't mind posting your pp addy on here I'll pay you. Have a travel cot which is in the loft so am going to leave that till last but thanx anyway I really appreciate it.

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brightandshiny · 04/10/2008 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Original poster

fairy15 · 04/10/2008 21:06

I'll pay you in the morning if that's ok. Thanx for your number it really means a lot. Am really starting to feel guilty now as his talking about the future & this & that. Feel like such a cow doing all this behide his back.

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brightandshiny · 04/10/2008 22:35

Don't feel guilty, you can't guess what his reactions will be when reality smacks him in his face.

Your doing the safest thing for you and your boys.

Original poster

fairy15 · 05/10/2008 13:20

starting to feel more positive today & am even looking forward to it as his just sat on the sofa all day not even dressed! His just acting like nothing has happened, his going to have a shock soon!

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memoo · 05/10/2008 14:15

I'm glad you are feeling more positive. Believe me I know what a difficult time this is for you. But I promise you one day you will wake up and realise it was the best thing you ever did.

I lost my house, everything. But now I have my own house that nobody can take away from me. I met my now DP 2 years ago but before that I was on my own for 3 years after leaving ex husband.

Those years on my own, after getting out of an abusive relationship taught me the most wondeful lesson of all. That I am strong, that I don't need anyone, and that I am very capable of looking after my DC and myself. Even now I have DP, I still work and have my own money and the house (council house) is still in my name.

Stay stong, and keep posting, you are doing good xxx

MorrisZapp · 05/10/2008 15:17

Absolute best of luck fairy - we're all thinking of you.

This thread made me think - do women's refuges accept donations of toys, clothes etc to cope with people arriving with nothing?

I am forever giving good quality but unwanted stuff to my sister but I'd like to have a chance to give it to a refuge if I thought it might help a woman in the same position as fairy.

I'll check it out locally.

FluffyMummy123 · 05/10/2008 15:18

Message withdrawn

memoo · 05/10/2008 16:49

cod, how did you find out where the refuge was?

I have some childrens books to get rid of but they are in perfect condition, just too young for my children. I would love to donate them to a refuge

FluffyMummy123 · 05/10/2008 16:54

Message withdrawn

threetinytots · 05/10/2008 17:15

how you doing today lovely? Did you get my mail? Glad you are feeling a bit more positive x

SmugColditz · 05/10/2008 17:19

Don't feel guilty, he is responisble for the consequences of his actions, as we all are, and you leaving him for being abusive and violent is a consequence of his actions.

Original poster

fairy15 · 05/10/2008 19:14

thanx everyone. Am feeling much better with all the positive comments from you guys.
Tiny I text you last night, maybe I put down the wrong number. The email addy I have been using I tried to change the password & now can't get into it! Arhhhh! But at least he can't either! So only have my joint one now so can't talk as he gets them sent to his phone.
It's weird I'm still upset but really happy at the same time & he has no idea & thinks everything is ok again! So at least he'll be going to work as planned so I can take a load of stuff with me. My sister has sorted me out somewhere to stay for the first few nights so when be comes looking for me I won't be at hers. She lives 3 hours away from where I am. She is also going to speak to her local council tomorrow. I'm doing good at the moment.

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nicolamumof3 · 05/10/2008 19:55

fairy, im so sorry you have been going through this, i am sending you and your boys massive hugs my sweetie, I wanted to email you but didn't know what address as i guessed something pretty serious was up. im so glad you are feeling more positive. I left my husband 8yrs ago in the clothes i stood up in, tom had nothing no cot no pushchair i never went back, i started again it was tough but easier at the same time. very strange. you are doing the right thing. There is no excuse for his behaviour you are doing the right thing for you and your children don't feel guilty i did for a long time and its a wasted emotion xxxx

threetinytots · 05/10/2008 19:59

Aah, my phone is off! Ran out of batteries as forgot I'd left it in dd's ballet bag. Will get it out when I go to bed and put it on charge. Will text you back then. Have tried taking pics of the Micralite but they look terrible as (obviously) it's quite dark!! My house isn't very light.
Glad you've got something sorted for the first couple of days and all is going to plan. You are doing great. xx

Original poster

fairy15 · 05/10/2008 20:16

thanx nicola, I'm liking all the positive stories. Did you get a council house?
Tiny take some pics tom in the light if you like I'm just thankful your doing them for me.
Can't belive it his even trying it on! Don't think so somehow!

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CherryChapstick · 05/10/2008 20:23

Fairy, where in Suffolk are you? I'm near Woodbridge.

nicolamumof3 · 05/10/2008 20:27

lol fairy, aren't they weird!! No hun i didnt' long story he stayed in the house which he sold eventually and made a packet! He now lives in the half a million pound house with new wife and kids i live in a rented house. We don't have much financially but i have an amazing partner and my two little boys as well as my lovely thomas. It was hard going at times but emotionally such a release, if you want to email me anytime please do or text or ask anything? let me know xxxx

threetinytots · 05/10/2008 20:30

I'm gonna try and copy my mail I sent you last night to a text - it's quite long but put loads of info about benefits etc.

OMG at him trying it on with you - hope you came up with a good excuse! Good though as he is obviously completely unaware of what really going on.

Original poster

fairy15 · 05/10/2008 20:52

men are odd aren't they! His lucky I'm not chopping off his manhood! He makes me feel sick everytime I look at him let alone doanything else! We're in seperate beds at the mo as I told him I'm not ready yet.
Don't think our house will make any money in the current market, will lose money so not sure how that's going to work out. Sounds like you have a wonderful man now, how do you learn to trust again? Will I still be intitle to benifits if I'm living with my sister? She would happily pay for us but I know she can't afford it.
He hasn't a clue & I find it pretty amusing as he'll know what I go through well at least some idea.
Thanx tiny am gaurding my phone with my life at the mo!
Cherry I am in stowmarket do you know where that is?

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nicolamumof3 · 05/10/2008 21:02

Fairy it is hard, when i met Terry i was v.wary i had been so hurt, but i had also been on my own 5yrs with Thomas so we were v.close and tight unit just the two of us, it was strange letting someone back in. As soon as i met him i just knew, and when he eventually met tom they were amazing with each other. that sealed it. I've had my happy ending after alot of years of difficulty we are getting married next year. We've only been together four years this month i can't believe it as we have had two babies in that time as well!! Fairy keep strong, have you spoken to anyone who can advise you re.your benefits? i got benefits im sure when i lived with my parents the first 6weeks, it was a long time ago now, but im sure i did.

threetinytots · 05/10/2008 21:19

I'm sure you should be able to get benefits when your wit your sister. Definately will be able to get Child Tax Credit and Income Support, not sure how council tax and housing benefit will work, but you should get something to contribute to any rent you pay.

You will also be able to get Healthy Start vouchers which give you £3 a week per child under 4, plus an extra £3 per week for a baby under one to pay for milk(inc formula) and fresh fruit and veg. Know you were worried about the boys geting enough fruit and veg, so £9 a week towards that should help. You can get the form from your HV, or download at www.healthystart.nhs.uk

HTH

Original poster

fairy15 · 05/10/2008 21:22

I'm so glad your happy now & that there is trust after bad times. I thought he was the one but I guess if he was I wouldn't be in this postion. Am looking forward to spending time with just the boys but I don't know what I'm going to say to them.

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