DH wants to retire - leaving me in charge of paying the bills - am worried about this

[Soleproviderpressure]

Forgive me for namechanging for this - know people in RL on the site.

Both my DH and I work full time OTH. My DH is ten years older than me - now 53 and would like to retire from his job. The problem is that we have children who are still at primary school and an ocean of financial commitments.

It would be great to have someone at home more. He maintains he will get a small part-time job. He is also not especially well- nothing life-threatening but a long term health problem so this would be good for his health.

We can just about meet our financial commitments on my salary but I am literally terrified of the prospect because my job is very insecure (don't want to say what it is because will out myself) particularly nowadays. I mean very insecure - a round of redundancies was announced last week.

We've always had the luxury of knowing that if one of us did lose our jobs, we could survive courtesy of the others salary. This security is about to be eliminated and I am really worried if it is just down to me that I might let everyone down.

i do know a couple in the US who retired in their 50s.

no kids, though.

and he was an accountant.

i know another bloke who is an accountant and he didn't retire, but he changed gears after surviving cancer at the age of 50.

he quit working for a Big 6 accounting firm - still kept some lucrative private clients, however - and bought an independent cafe to run.

no kids or partner, though.

he bought a spacious 2 bed ground floor flat (although he is gay and never wanted kids of his own, he is close to his mother, brother and nephews and they visit often) in a converted Victorian house in Denver after selling an apartment in Brooklyn for A LOT more money.

i think that's a far more practical idea: changing careers/occupations.

He needs a reality check, maybe going to see a financial advisor or some such other party might be helpful.

DH isn't thinking of a career change as such - he doesn't plan to embark on anything that sounds as though it might have a few quid attached to it. He just wants to spend more time at home. Come to think of it, so do I ...

ask him how you wil be able to retire at aged 53 if he thinks life should be fair...?

He said Dec '09, so that gives you a full year to see if you could manage on just your wage. You could try it out for a year, put his money aside, then see where you get with that and if you can afford or like that lifestyle. (My Dad retired at 50 and my Mum worked till 60.)

cthea...were there medical reasons for that?

will his pension stretch for fifty years?

Totally unreasonable of him imo.

Nah, he doesn't get to 'retire' at 50 something, not without coming up with a FULL plan of how it will improve BOTH your lives. It's not just about him!

ask him how YOU will be able to retire at 53....

I don't think that 30 years is the whole of your working life though is it?
Esp. these days
If you have children in primary school he needs to keep going for at least another 10-15 years

Dropdeadfred - yes and no. It was the usual retirement age in his line of work but he also had some health problems (gastric ulcer) which disappeared on retirement. He was far too young to retire at 50, though, and really struggled to fill in his time.

ask him to draw up a detailed financial plan which will show just how much the family needs for bills/insurance/holidays/clothes/food etc and ask him to compare it to current income.

Also ask him how he sees his retirement - there would be very little money for hobbies if that's his plan while the dcs are at school.

Tell him when you plan to retire (at 53?) and ask him to work out your joint pension income.

Although there are downsides to early retirement I do sympathise with your dh given all those stories of people (esp men) dropping dead the day after retirement and therefore wasting all those years saving for a retirment that doesn't exist.

the other issue is that if he does have to re-enter the workforce he may find it more challenging at 55 than if he'd just stayed in it.

also, what about your childrens' futures?

he needs to demonstrate how it's going to work with regards to them, too (you mentioned university for the kids).

The spectre of DH dropping dead the day after retirement is something that haunts me too.

I really do want him to be able to retire, but at the same time I am frightened about the responsibility.

If he were to retire now, his minute pension will not keep up with the cost of living - they never do - and in ten years' time he/we will be much worse off in real terms.

Take the point about trying to re-enter the workforce if he needs to - it would be verging on impossible I think. Thanks for that, I'll try to use it in a reasoned discussion.

To Capricasix - thanks for sharing. Do you think it might be worth talking to your mum?

He's being staggeringly selfish.
I'd go fucking nuts.

"I can't help recalling that I only took 8 monthis maternity leave combined for both children because the coffers apparently wouldn't extend to my having longer at home. "

Did he/does he appreciate how difficult it can be to be a SAHM / on maternity leave, or to be a working mum? Maybe now is his chace to really find out. If part of his plan is to be at home with the kids, could this benefit you in other ways which might take the sting off the financial responsibility you will have?

He says he will get a part time job and will presumably have his pension so you should still expect him to be able to contribute financially (and he should want to!) so maybe it won't be as bad as you imagine.

His pension would be a quarter of what he currently earns, and a part-time job if he could find one would not yield much money. If I were to lose my job in this scenario we would be comprehensively f**d.

:grin: at moondog. In a way I can see what you mean - I might go nuts too but remember that he is older and he has been working longer. When soleproviderpressure got together with her husband she must have been at least little aware that he was older than her and would therefore retire earlier! He is being selfish though if he really wants to do it this early. On the other hand, many couples make the decision to do things like this the other way round when kids are born.

it's not an acceptable option at all, given that you have two young kids and your job is insecure and the economy is in turmoil.

I think, considering how F**d you might be if the worst happens he should put his retirement on hold for a bit!!

so what if he's been working longer?

that's hardly her fault.

and working from the time you can stand up till the time you're 53 doesn't mean you're entitled to 'retire' and let your wife support the small children you chose to bring into the world when you were in your mid-to-late 40s.

Yes this is part of the resentment I feel - DH was very clear that my staying at home would not be an option for me - note me, not us.

Then can you be very lear to him that this is not an option for him!?