I'm fed up being the one who is always on top of everything

[ssd]

I mean the one who is on top of the kids homework/play dates/birthday presents/beaver runs/school charity collection/kids needing clothes bought/bins needing put out(same day for 10 years.../ I could go on and on

I'm just so fed up, dh is great with the kids generally but only great with things he's interested in IYSWIM

don't give me a talking to, I know him too well, its what he's like

My dh does 90% of the cooking ... but only after I've decided what we're having, and made sure we have the ingredients.

But who knew to look out for those things, moondog?

Children's administration (school, dates, GP, parties etc); ME
Bills; ME
Car admin; DH
DIY; A Random Man
Organisation of housework; ME
Shopping; BOTH
Organisation of extended family stuff? BOTH

I did, as I had been out with useless blokes before him and it drained me beyond belief.

I'm the same, but I have to be honest and say I've put myself in that position but always being the one in control from when we first moved in together.

If you really want it to stop you may have to bite the bullet and just stop organising stuff - however I bet the dis-organisation / lateness / no food etc. will get to you before him (believe me I've tried it - I now just write lists for DH )

Hmm, problem is most of the things benefit the children at keast as much as P/H apart from anything to do with servicing inlaws...

hmmm him: making lunches, cooking once a week, and thats about all the "regualr jobs"! BUT most say he works more hours than me and if i ask he will gladly do it

I think the men I had previously been out with were even worse. although this now seems hard to believe and I begin to think these men must have been actually dead.

Oh look, I can never do that bold thing: even worse

I went off one bloke instantly when he told me he had £400 worth of unpaid parking fines. I can't live with crap like that hanging over me.

OP - I feel your pain!!

Maybe that was my DP, moondog? Although, to be fair to me, I didn't know how bad things were until he moved in with me and I went to his old flat and personally opened all the bailiff's letters...

dh's argument is that if we split the tasks equally I'd be on his case the whole time making sure he was doing his properly, which would annoy him and stress me, and that at least this way I know it's all been done.

This attitude annoys me but he's right (which also annoys me). I'd love him to notice the children need new shoes and go off and buy some suitable yet tasteful footwear but in reality he'd come back with something wildly inappropriate. So he's not to be trusted and I do it all.

He does do the car, the filing, the DIY and the holiday bookings (strangely). I do everything related to the children, the wider family, our social life and the house.

I think that's just the way it has to be. Irritating, but necessary in our case. But clearly not in everyone's. I rang and left a message with a friend to organise a playdate the other day and nearly fell off my chair when the dad rather than the mum rang back to fix it. Then he came to collect his dd and said they were off to buy her a winter coat.

I do everything except the car admin and any DIY involving power tools. Actually, no, I've given up all DIY since dh criticised my painting (streaky, or blobby, or something). If I just refused to do any of the other stuff, it simply doesn't get done - and everyone suffers. And I just end up nagging more. However - dh is very, very nice. Just very, very disorganized and a bit vague. And situation is much preferable to that endured with exh who did all admin and put bins out and did hoovering and was a mad control freak and generally not at all nice to live with (understatement). Ya can't have it all!

Prior warning - am v v grumpy - but the following is still true:

Children's administration (school, dates, GP, parties etc); ME
Bills; ME
Car admin; ME
DIY; outsource (once dh has 'had a go' and trebled the work that needs done)
Organisation of housework; ME
Shopping; ME
Organisation of extended family stuff? ME

Am I bitter that I haven't stopped since I got home from work trying to get us and the house organised for our mini holiday (which starts tomorrow) and he comes home from work (it was late, 9.20pm) and sits down saying oooh I haven't stopped, where's my dinner... he's still sitting (as am I clearly but only whilst the kettle boils) watching the football on chase playback whilst I continue with the holiday organisation . And I know already that we will leave later than planned because he won't have packed. (I do draw the line somewhere .

(He does work long hours but I do all of the above with 3 dcs and work 60% FTE over four days)

Awwww, come on, I challenge you all to find me ONE man who takes charge of stuff like school form-filling/caring if the kids' school shoes are clean/organising social life..........

Isn't that what we're here for?!

Does anyone have an h or p who spends enormous amounts of time playing with his mobile phone? I reckon if all the time men spent playing with mobile phones were added together, it would stretch to, er, jupiter....

Is mobile phone a euphenism?!

VersdeSociete - yes! MInd you, if I spent as much time doing the housework as I do MNing our house would be a lot cleaner.

No, but thank you for that thought, Word. I actually now feel better about DP fiddling with his mobile phone so much. It could be so much worse....

Ah, JackieN, I knew I wasn't the only one!

I do all the stuff on versde's list. We're going on holiday in the morning (that I've organised, booked and paid for) and so far I have
-got the washing in (that I made myself late for work this morning putting out)
-been to Tesco for dinner and nappies
-packed for all of us

He was supposed to watch DD (18 mo) but has spent 4 hours sat watching TV. Every few minutes DD comes to hassle me because he's not watching her, and she's had most of a new packet of wipes out. I'm just so tired of it all

My DH isn't bad, but since I've been following FlyLady's routines and doing more housework, he has done less! This confuses me. Usually, when one of us drags ourselves out of a lazy heap, the other one jumps up too, guiltily, and helps.

Instead of this, DH actually told me that I was now cleaning, etc, a lot and ignoring him. That he'd prefer it if we lived in a messy house but chatted all the time.

I officially cannot win.

He now watches TV for hours in the evening, basking in its shiny, handprint-free screen, while I do the endless cycle of dishwasher/washing machine/dishwasher/washing machine.

I wish he took charge of the money stuff. I'd love that. Love him to be moving our money around, paying bills and keeping us all safe. Ditto the car. Shouldn't he be out there all hours, checking the tyre-prressure and brake fluid of the car that will be carrying his children?

moondog, I do all the bills, morgage, insurances, utility bills, sorting out holidays(well most of it), DIY doesn't get done!, the car he does (altho I got a £60 fine for not having the tax disk up, guess who bought it months previous and left it in a drawer, guess again who had to write to the council begging to get let off the fine)

the forward thinking and day to day crap wears me down

best of it is all my pals are jealous of me as dh does so much, he's great doing hoovering, ironing, cleans the loo without me asking

also great with the boys, but I don't know how it would be if we had dd's instead of football mad boys like him!