I feel like I've got myself in such a mess. Basically DH has always been one of those very "male" types, a high achiever, doesn't really show emotions type. I've always been a secure, fairly independent person and for 10 years it's worked fine. Now we have 2 DS', aged just 3 and 1, and over the last year it's emerged that DS1 has some mild special needs which have absorbed me physically and emotionally for the past few months. DS2 is gorgeous but a demanding baby.
We moved hundreds of miles (now 6 hours from my family) when DS1 was tiny, for DH's dream job, he then found a new dream job which means he is away from home 3 nights per week near where we used to live. It was supposed to be a temporary thing but now seems to be permanent. When he does come home he is constantly emailing or on work phone calls, even at the weekends. He works virtually every evening too, and has taken only 2 weeks of leave all year so far. It's as if he feels himself too important to help with household bits, and he's too exhausted from the work to play properly with the children.
I've now reached the stage where although I can cope alone with the ds', it's bloody hard work and I don't want to have to. I've broached it with DH and he just says his work makes him happy, and at one point, "it would be much easier if I were single," which supposedly was intended as a joke.
He is now making lots of little comments such as "it'll be fine, whatever happens" and if I mention any future event, he'll say, again in a supposed joking way, "if we're still together then" I've never felt insecure in our relationship before, but this, combined with my anxiety over DS1 is making me so miserable. I can't get him to talk about it further, he just says he doesn't know how he feels, or hasn't had chance to think about it. He did say the other night that he felt that we had become stale and "bored" with each other, and he felt our family life was "mundane". The thing is, I can't think that we see each other enough to be bored with one another, and there is no avoiding the demands of 2 such young children..
I really don't know what to do. I think we could make it work, as we do get on so well normally, but only if he is willing to try. I feel too vulnerable to cope without him, as his limited input at this stage is better than none but can't stay in this state of limbo. I feel physically sick, teary and shaky today. Can anyone help?