Fed up with DPs behaviour

[nikki7984]

Where to start...

Have been together 4 years, have 6mnth old , i dont work , gave up under his instructions before LO born. He has v good job but v stressful job with a top salary but seems to think due to this he can do what he likes.

So much to say but briefly...
Since LO born things dont seem to be working, from day one i was told he had never known anyone milk something so much because i was in so much pain from forceps delivery and crying in pain when walking getting out of bed etc..,

when LO 6 weeks old goes out on lash strip club comes home 4 am rude to me says he doesnt want to f**k me that i am fat ugly and disgusting which is why he went. This behaviour and digs continue with him screaming at me he would rather have a page 3 girl than me..

Over the next 3/4 months He has spates of weeks of being nice then a one off night of drinking and aggressiveness towards me.

Recently its got to the point where he is going to strip clubs almost everyweek coming home with glitter all over him some nights not coming home at all and not caring that its hurting me instead he screams at me that i am useless that i cant call myself a housewife as i am rubbish and that noone would have me if i left him and i should be grateful as in his eyes i live a WAG lifestyle and he is in the top 5% of eligble men in the UK, basicly because he finacially supports me.. i dont have a joint account with him i get an allowance which i use to buy all the household grocerys baby stuff including LO s clothes and i pay a portion of the household bills, I say I am going to go back to work then and he takes the p**s out of me saying i could never work again all i would earn is 40 quid a week, i had a job paying 40k before and i still own my own flat which i rent out.. I dont want to work as i want to look after my son soley as he claims to want

I am really at the end of my teather as i feel that although he is not physically abusive mentally and verbally he is and he does not understand what life is like looking after a baby and i am fed up of him being so awful to me just because he finacially supports me last night he tore up a shirt because i had not sewn buttons on to it and then screamed at me because i forgot to take his dry cleaning in.. how is this fair or am i being ridiculous and should i just get on with it?
I have tried talking to him but he tells me its all PR that goes with his job and that if i leave he doesnt care and will get a 20yr old size 6 girlfriend to look after him..
Also i have got back to my pre pregnancy figure and weight but still he acts like this.. Thanks for listening to this rant.

What a complete idiot - I don't think I could spend five minutes in his company

The one that did it for me was the 'top 5% of eligble men' comment. Sounds like the rantings of a coke head to me. Delusional and lost.

Leave him - this controlling and abusive behaviour is akin to physical violence.

Plan it carefully so next time he returns from a strip club you will have left. Stop with friends, family, anyone who will look after you short term.

Good luck and stay strong.

yeah, that top 5% thing is total wank, anyone on the higher tax rate is in the top ten percent, so he's not exactly Roman Abramovich (unless he is )

What other support do you have. Somone else asked this earlier but I haven't seen your reply. Do you live near parents, friends, work friends, baby friends ..... how about his parents, are they aware of how their son behaves?

Please don't doubt yourself, he sounds a vile man and you owe it to your son to get out of there and bring him up in a happy environment. Your son is still very young, in a few years he will be copying your DP and believing that this is how men treat women . You both deserve so much more. Who gives a toss about what he earns and who he is capable of 'pulling', they are welcome to him. What a wanker.

Yes he made you give up work so he had more control over you.

He definately sounds delusional and is not in the top 5%of eligable men

Plan carefully. Make sure it is all worked out and you have already left befre he has any idea what is goin on.

I bought a badge on holiday... it says

"Fck Off, Fck Off, Cnt, B st rd, Cunt"

Would you like to borrow it?

This is not a man or even a human being. Fark knows what you've got yourself there, sweetheart, but put it back where you found it. (Sorry if harsh, but life is too short to entertain dicks like him).

pmsl Constance.
I might need to borrow that badge too.
Maybe you should hire it out

Nikki - I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through.

I'm very reluctant to advise anyone to walk out on a marriage, but your post rang so many alarm bells for me that I wanted to reply. I put up with very similar abuse from my ex after DS was born, but made the mistake of hoping he would change for almost 3 years before I left.

You sound like a very capable and resourceful woman and you will soon get your life back on track. Many Mumsnetters can describe their experience of living with this type of mental abuse. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave because he will smash your self-confidence irreparably.

You need to get some legal advice. Find a solicitor in the Yellow Pages who will offer you a free 30 minute consultation, go the the CAB or ring Women's Aid. Start looking for a suitable job and childcare. And squirrel away as much of your housekeeping and joint savings as possible.

It's irrelevant whether he is behaving this way because he is stressed at work,or because he's always been like this underneath. He is abusing you NOW,and probably cheating on you. You will not be breaking up your family because he has already broken his marriage vows. He is damaging you. Please get away from this man before he starts damaging your son.

I will go back and buy dozens ... it's no bother ...

I wore it today to meet XH. I make myself laugh

oh nikki love have you told your mum how you are being treated? tell her, then look at her face! did she bring you up to be this lovely, pretty, intelligent, kind, thoughtful human being just for you to waste it all on a twat like this bloke?

think about it!! please!!!

then look at YOUR son, he will learn that to behave like a man is to be abusive, rude, unkind, and downright horrible to people who love him

do you really want that to happen? of course not.

so, you are fat are you? tell this knob that you know how to lose 12 stones of useless blubber overnight! chuck him out!!!

i would rather bring up a child in a tent than live in such a horrilbe atmosphere.

I've only read the OP, so sorry if this has moved on.

The going to get a size 6 age 20 girl to look after him says it all. Looking after him. That is what women are FOR, isn't it? It sounds as if he is angry that you have someone else to look after other than him now.

The strip joints are also very telling. He thinks women's bodies are for men to have fun. Once you use them for having babies, they're useless then aren't they?

I, too, would usually hesitate to tell someone to walk out on a marriage but this man is an utter waste of space.

Look, you have earning power, you have a flat of your own. Go back to work, go back to your flat, get a childminder. Show him that, actually, you don't need him so he can't control you.

It is irresponsible to bring up your son with the message that this is the way to treat women. Do you want that for him? No. So get out. Now.

Sounds awful horrible situation. V.tempting to just hang on rather than leap into the unknown but really sounds v.little to cling onto here. You are being shown zero respect.

Lovely to be in top 5% of wage earning and all but this just means your miserable in comfort!

Wish you really well in the decisions you make.

nikki, can you and your lo stay with your parents for a while?
Just to get away from him for a few weeks, clear your head,
talk to people you trust about this horrendous situation
and work out a plan of action?

You have to protect yourself and your son. Do not tolerate this.