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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He doesn't want to meet the kids...

36 replies

MrsSportacus · 11/09/2008 20:14

Hi
Been separated for 12 months. Got two kids under 5. Been seeing a bloke for 6 months ..we are 'in love' but can only see each other once / twice a week due to me having the kids. I think now is the time to introduce him to the girls for an occasional day out - not having him stay over or anything. However he says he doesn't want to meet the kids 'til I'm divorced, I've told him this could be years yet. In my heart I know he really isn't interested in the kids at all. Should I finish it? Am I wasting my time? Thanks girls.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 11/09/2008 20:18

fgs
He can't love you as a seperate entity unfortunately you are a package deal
Tell him to jog on

lulumama · 11/09/2008 20:20

yes, you are wasting your time
if you know it in your heart, move on
the children will always be part of the deal

being in love means he accepts you and all that comes with you

i like jog on.. good phrase

i also like ' don;t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out'

try one or both on him!!

Original poster
MrsSportacus · 11/09/2008 20:23

i know. if i was somebody else i'd see it straight away. i think i'm scared i'll never meet anyone who'd want me with kids and all...do they exist? when is it ok to introduce a new man? am i a complete prat? (er yes)

OP posts:
undercovercat · 11/09/2008 20:24

You arent a complete prat, why the divorce thing? If you were divorced would he really meet them tommorow, or is he just delaying?

lulumama · 11/09/2008 20:24

yes they do exist. but you won;t find one wasting time with a man like this !

RubySlippers · 11/09/2008 20:26

run like the wind

you will meet the right person

Dropdeadfred · 11/09/2008 20:31

he's a knob using them as an excuse not to get really committed....after all he could meet them as a friend..they don't have to instantly think he's the new man in your life do they?

Ronaldinhio · 11/09/2008 20:33

I don't know if they exist to be honest but this definately isn't one of them.

Get back to kissing frog duty
x

noonki · 11/09/2008 20:35

forget him, there is no hope for a future together,

I met my DSS after a few weeks of being together when we knew that we had something a bit long term, we said we were friends and I didn't sleep at my DH's house when he was there until we had been together for a few months

I loved my DH but knew that his son was (and still is) going to take precedent over me. When I had worked this out I fell for him hook line and sinker, as I knew it made a good man

A man you meet should see you as both a woman in your own right but also as a mum, because your kids are (I assume) the most important thing to you.

good luck

noonki · 11/09/2008 20:36

Also - after 6 months I bet it is a rebound relationship anyway and you will look back and cringe!

Twelvelegs · 11/09/2008 20:37

Does he give the 'real' reason?

Original poster
MrsSportacus · 11/09/2008 21:06

He says he doesn't want my ex to find out about us and use it in the divorce. To be honest I think he's just using it as an excuse. Yeah..I need to finish it. When is the right time to introduce a new bloke..even as a friend?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSportacus · 11/09/2008 22:02

Looks like my problem may be solved. Since i told him i can't see him this weekend as i've got the kids fri, sat and sunday no contact. dick head.

OP posts:
mylittlesubatomicparticle · 11/09/2008 22:08

Oh no, I'm sur for all it is right, it hurts.

They are out there, I seem to have accidentally met one! I am sure you can, I hope it is soon, as soon as you are ready, that is.

fancyflo · 11/09/2008 22:13

his not really interested, move on

PurpleOne · 12/09/2008 00:03

Men like this really make my blood boil. Who don't accept the package deal.

yet they knew all about them!

Gggggrrrrr

lou33 · 12/09/2008 00:07

it's an excuse

give him his p45

Swedes · 12/09/2008 00:16

I wouldn't write him off completely, yet. Has he peronally experienced divorce before (parents, himself, brother, sister etc)? Perhaps he has an insight into being a child in those circumstances and feels the commitment of meeting the children is a real biggie.

Swedes · 12/09/2008 00:17

A real shit wouldn't resist meeting the children - he wouldn't care. Surely?

goodasgold · 12/09/2008 00:20

Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

FAQ · 12/09/2008 00:21

I had to hold my new DP back from meeting the kids (who incidentally noonki I met 2 months after my H moved out, 4 months after I knew for sure our marriage was over - and no it's not a "rebound" relationship)

thumbwitch · 12/09/2008 00:24

wave him on his way - there are men out there who will be happy to accept your kids and not feck about. Waiting for the divorce to come through is just an excuse. If my sister's DP had waited for my sis's divorce to come through, they wouldn't now have 3 daughters. (her exH is reMARKably slack about the paperwork - did anyone realise that a decree nisi can run out???)

Swedes · 12/09/2008 00:29

thumbwitch - a decree nisi doesn't run out. It just gets to the point where if the petitioner fails to apply for the absolute then the respondent gets the opporunity to apply for the absolute instead. If neither does it then either they don't want to be divorced or both are disorganised - which will result in them not getting divorced.

thumbwitch · 12/09/2008 00:42

no, it did run out - my sister has to reapply for it with added fee. That's what she has told me.

solidgoldbrass · 12/09/2008 00:46

It sounds TBH as though he doesn't think the relationship is as serious as you do. Dates don't have to meet your DC (not everyone likes children but not everyone who dislikes children is a monster) and it's fine to have a lighthearted fling with someone for sex and laughs and not make them part of the family if they are not interested.

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