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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He doesn't want to meet the kids...

36 replies

MrsSportacus · 11/09/2008 20:14

Hi
Been separated for 12 months. Got two kids under 5. Been seeing a bloke for 6 months ..we are 'in love' but can only see each other once / twice a week due to me having the kids. I think now is the time to introduce him to the girls for an occasional day out - not having him stay over or anything. However he says he doesn't want to meet the kids 'til I'm divorced, I've told him this could be years yet. In my heart I know he really isn't interested in the kids at all. Should I finish it? Am I wasting my time? Thanks girls.

OP posts:

lou33 · 12/09/2008 01:20

i agree sgb, but i got the impression the op wanted him to meet her kids as she sees their relationship as something long term, and has let her feel the same, hence me saying to bin him off

S1ur · 12/09/2008 01:28

I think it would be worth thinking abotu relationship minus dcs.

Because his thoughts about your children may well change but dependent on your relationship between you two.

SO, you only see each other once/twice a week.

But what is like in those times, are we talking fun but light? or deep and close? or comfortable and fitted? or something else entirely?

These are the things to base decision on I think because what he feels about a couple children of yours he hasn't met could be misleading.

If he is fab with you. He may well end up fab with all of you.

Swedes · 12/09/2008 11:16

I don't understand the concept of a relationship being "not-serious". What does that mean? I completely understand that some people don't want to cohabit, marry ot remain chaste, but not wanting to properly get to know a person? That's odd, isn't it?

undercovercat · 12/09/2008 13:12

If I had been seeing someone 6 months im not sure I would want to meet their kids. Or them meet mine.
As a mate maybe, but not introduced as something heavy.

solidgoldbrass · 12/09/2008 19:06

Swedes: well, some people enjoy socialising, dating and shagging for its own sake and are not desperate all that bothered about racing ahead in a dead straight line towards monogamy, cohabitation and breeding. And you don't have to 'know' everything about someone you just see now and again for a good laugh and maybe a shag any more than you have to know everything about the friend you go for a cup of tea with after your aerobics class.

queenrollo · 12/09/2008 20:54

there are men out there willing to take on the responsibilty of a woman who already has a family. My dad met my mum when i was three and i couldn't have asked for a better dad......

i left my ex last sept and am now in a relationship with a new man, he is brilliant with my ds....wanted to meet my ex, because he thought it only fair that my ex know the person who will be around his son. We've been very careful that all his interaction with my son has been at ds's pace......and they get on great.
The very first thing i said to my new bloke was 'my son comes first. always. if you can't handle that, then this relationship has no future'.....and he agrees with that.
i know i've been lucky, i've found a real gem.....

Swedes · 12/09/2008 23:02

SGB - I would only go for a cup of tea with someone if I was interested in getting to know them better. You might be relieved to hear that wouldn't necessarily mean the relationship was destined for matching bathrobes and nights in front of Corrie.

Avoiding emotional intimacy is a form of self-harm, at least it would be for me. You are clearly more emotionally robust than me.

Original poster

MrsSportacus · 13/09/2008 12:43

I wanted him to meet the kids just as a friend..as i've got them most of the time it would mean i could see him more often..sunday afternoon at the park, lunch or something..not as a 'new daddy'. Any hoo it's been three days now with no contact, no replies to my texts. Six months and not a word. Shows how much i really meant to him. 'I love you' obviously meant very little to him.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 14/09/2008 01:31

how sad for you MrsS - do you feel sad about it though? You don't sound too bad...

mylittlesubatomicparticle · 14/09/2008 10:05

It doesn't sound like you were being that unreasonable - you were only asking him to come to the park and play or something, not to do anything heavy. I am sorry you have your answer, I too hope you are ok.

Original poster

MrsSportacus · 14/09/2008 20:28

He got in touch today..said he'd 'forgotten his phone'. In a way it's made me feel calm in that it's sort of solved the problem for me. I'm the sort of person..and not very feminist this is it..that needs a man about the place and i can never, ever see us living together. He's just much, much too set in his ways, Thanks everyone for comments on this thread. XX

OP posts:

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