Family getting political over who pays for birthday meals out, I'm about to say FORGET IT: Hope I am not being petty.

[DrNortherner]

Brief history.

MIL, SIL (we are married to MIL's 2 sons) and I have a long standing tradition that on our birthday we 3 go out for dinner adn the other 2 pay half the bill so in effect birthday person gets a treat. Have done this for years. We do this is addittion to buying each other a small gift.

Earlier in the year it was SIL's bday. MIL had loads of wine and announced she was paying the whole bill and treated SIL and I. Very kind of her.

Then it was MIL's bday, SIL and I paid.

Then it was my bday. SIL rang MIL to say she was unhappy paying towards my meal as I paid nothing towards hers as MIL paid teh whole bill. MIL can't afford tp pay more so it is suggessted that we now split the bill 3 ways.

I am thinking, you know what? This is suposed to be a fun nice thing we do for each other, and this isn't fun so lets not bother.

WWYD?

That's odd - MIL offered, not like you said "well actually MIL, since you've had three bottles to yourself - you're paying" is it!

AND SIL didn't pay because it was her treat - what's the big deal?!

She's being weird... I'd say forget it too and go out with your DH

Definitely - and maybe speak to SIL or ask MIL to point out that it was her choice to pay, not you weasling out of it, so you shouldn't be penalised.

But I agree, there is a sour taste about the whole thing because of a stupid petty remark, and as it's meant to be fun, Lewisfan is very right- go and do something completely different that you enjoy. Happy Birthday

So MIL and SIL both get a treat on their birthdays but you get to pay for your own meal out?

How grossly unfair of your SIL.

I'm with you on the not bother option.

If your SIL is put out that at some point you have got away with not paying for a meal, then maybe she should have discussed it with you between then and MIL's birthday, certainly not waited until yours to bring the subject up. Although she sounds very petty to be getting annoyed anyway - she had a birthday meal paid for, why does it matter who paid for it?

But that is not the point. The point is that on this occasion it is your birthday and they should be treating you, not adding up who has paid what and when.

Sounds like your SIL has spoilt a lovely tradition because of a trivial matter.

Happy Birthday by the way

(I am assuming it is/was recent)

SIL sounds completely barking. Could she have money worries? I would still do the meal though if you think MIL would be upset if you cancel.

SIL has no worries at all!

No money worries I mean.

How well do you get on with sil?

I'd be tempted to call it a day.

I'm with you on the let's not bother, and I wouldn't care if it sounded petty.
I think your SIL is the petty one TBH, like toehrs say, just tell them you are going out with your DH. Oh and I would tell DH what ahd been said as well

Message withdrawn

I agree that your SIL is being petty and weird. And what she has said has rather spoilt your tradition and the good spirit in which it has been previously carried out. What does your MIL think? I would just be concerned that if you said you weren't going, it would somehow make you look to be the baddie (although I can completely understand you wanting to say forget it!)

Suggest to SIL that you add up the cost of the last x meals and work out who has paid the most. You can then adjust each person's contribution so that you have all paid exactly the same. When she says not to be so stupid, just say exactly.

I would get your dh to phone his brother and see what the issue is. Going via your MIL is a weird way of doing things.

I think that calling it off altogether is a bit ungracious and could be interpreted as if you are aren't willing to meet up with them unless there is a free meal in it for you (not that how that is what you are thinking - but more how it might be interpreted).

Certainly if you would have been expected to contribute to your SIL's birthday meal, then whilst your SIL's reaction is a bit petty I can see that she might have had an expectation of some further treat from you. Not that that helps now of course, and at least you are forewarned for the future.

OK, have texted them both to say can not make dinner now as dh wants to take me out instead.

If they ask anymore I will tell them the raesons in my OP.

SIL mentioned it to MIL cause originally MIL told her they would both treat me. This peed her off as she treated me for her bday so I imagine she felt hard done by that MIL was not treating her on my birthday. To keep the peace MIL suggessted splitting 3 ways. Whern MIL rang me to tell me this she said 'that way everyone is happy'

What she means actually is SIL is happy.

Thank god you can choose your friends eh?

Why don't you go with your MIL and leave SIL alone? OK, maybe that's a bit much, but you aren't going to enjoy a meal out with her at the moment. I'd call it off, arrange something else and include MIL as you get on.

God SIL sounds petty. I'd drop it under the circs.

Good lord, how pathetic! The joys of family, eh. As you say, at least you can choose your friends. THis sounds like such a childish reaction on the part of your SIL tbh. But it does put you in an awkward position.

My MIL's birthday was recent, and her Sister complained that they were having to raid their son's piggy bank to pay for the meal! her DP had just spent £100 on a camera bag, etc, and it's not as if we went anywhere expensive. Family can be real arses.

Well i very cooly sais lets not bother and it seems WW2 broke out between MIL and SIL about who said what. SIL is very upset

Presumably SIL spoke to MIL in confidence and didn't expect her to pass on what she'd said. If I were in that situation, I'd be upset too. I do think SIL has been petty and penny-pinching, but she didn't necessarily ever think you'd find out.

Why did MIL tell you what she'd said? Tbh, if I were MIL, I'd have offered to pay her share to even things up without mentioning anything to you.

No, SIL is the massively rich one here. Not me or MIL.

That is exactly what I suggessted. We will all go in a month or so and split 3 ways.

On this ocassion, it all got messy and took the shine off it for me, that's all.