Family getting political over who pays for birthday meals out, I'm about to say FORGET IT: Hope I am not being petty.

[DrNortherner]

Brief history.

MIL, SIL (we are married to MIL's 2 sons) and I have a long standing tradition that on our birthday we 3 go out for dinner adn the other 2 pay half the bill so in effect birthday person gets a treat. Have done this for years. We do this is addittion to buying each other a small gift.

Earlier in the year it was SIL's bday. MIL had loads of wine and announced she was paying the whole bill and treated SIL and I. Very kind of her.

Then it was MIL's bday, SIL and I paid.

Then it was my bday. SIL rang MIL to say she was unhappy paying towards my meal as I paid nothing towards hers as MIL paid teh whole bill. MIL can't afford tp pay more so it is suggessted that we now split the bill 3 ways.

I am thinking, you know what? This is suposed to be a fun nice thing we do for each other, and this isn't fun so lets not bother.

WWYD?

Yes but Freckle, MIL would have had to tell DrN what SIL had said or she might have gone out without her purse, expecting to be treated as normal.

How completely ridiculous of your SIL to ruin the whole thing. I don't suppose you'll ever do it again now

Good grief - is SIL jealous that MIL 'helped you out' by picking up the tab on her b'day and she thinks she should get a similiar break? In which case she's being realy rude to MIL - implying tha MIL shouldnow pay f all of HWE b'day. And she clearly has not apreciated that she has had her dinner paid for but won't now pay toards others...

Oh well.

Go out with your DH and MIL and leave silly SIL out of it - shame for your MIL to lose out, as well as you.

Your poor MIL. Does something nice for her DILs (ie paying for the whole meal) but one DIL doesn't feel special enough as it was HER birthday and only SHE should have been treated. And now she's ruined a lovely arrangement. Your MIL had to tell you because she herself couldn't afford to pay for the whole meal. I hope you tell your SIL how childish she is.

I would tell your MIL that you are very very sorry not to be having dinner with her, and that you are very sorry that her v kind gesture last time seems to have caused SIL to be upset - make sure your MIL does not think you are huffing off because you have to pay, and that it is because of SIL's attitude that it no longer feels celebratoy. SIL's behaviour has been, in some ways, worse to MIL than it has to you - she has effectively demnded the same compliment or she won't play. And you could end up loking like the spoilsport..all because of your poor MIL's kind gesture!

Actualy, if you DO pay a third, then you will effectively be paying MIL back for her paying your third on the previous occasion...but I agree that it was monstrous of SIL to be arsey.

Is you SIL normally weird about money and things or is this a new thing?

I reckon that she feels as though she's being penalised in some way for being better off than you by you effectively being subsidised last time.

She's normaly a tad highly strung yes, and very easily offended.