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Original poster

A man who buys a vibrator for valentines day

66 replies

miamisunrise · 30/08/2008 10:47

What would you think if your partner (not living together) bought you a vibrator for valentines day? (expensive rabbit type).

I'm not a prude but I thought this was a bit, "off", "childish", "thoughtless",
"embarrassing" etc

It was even worse when I found texts on his phone asking his mate how his girlfriend had reacted with hers and saying that I "loved it" etc

So am I a miserable old prude or do I have a point?

OP posts:
dittany · 30/08/2008 18:04

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zippitippitoes · 30/08/2008 18:10

has something happened in your relationship to make you suddenly feel aggrieved at this present from feb?

solidgoldbrass · 30/08/2008 18:21

Dittany FFS, buying a partner a vibrator isn't necessarily 'interfering with masturbation' it couold be a gift intended to make sex more enjoyable for both of them. Or do you think using vibrators is inherently wrong because they look like willies, or something?

dittany · 30/08/2008 18:27

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expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 18:30

Unless you asked for it expressly, he would get hte boot from me.

After years and years of going out with all and sundry, I just don't suffer fools gladly anymore when they're over the age of, say, 18.

No, I'm not a prude. In fact, I'm a slapper at heart and once was one in my real life.

But seriously, you don't buy someone else a vibe unless they tell you which they want. Tehre's a lot of personal choice out there, IFYKWIM. It's not a decision I'd like to have made for me.

CapricaSix · 30/08/2008 18:31

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makeminealargeoneplease · 30/08/2008 18:33

Dittany, maybe he didn't mean for it to be aimed towards masturbation purposes, but more as something they can enjoy together. (sorry Solidgold just noticed you've said that!) Miami, don't be too hard on him (excuse the pun!) maybe he felt he wanted to add a bit of spice to your sex life together. As for discussing it with his pal then thats a bit out of order, but maybe he felt shy in going into a sex shop and buying it on his own. Why were you snooping on his phone though, that is also out of order. Don't you think? Might mean that you two aren't compatable in the bedroom or otherwise.

dittany · 30/08/2008 18:38

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makeminealargeoneplease · 30/08/2008 18:40

No Dittany, believe me - orgasm from self 9 out of 10, orgasm from a little rabbit friend 20 out of 10!!! Had to be said. Nothing to do with not wanting to 'touch myself down there' - WTF??? I thought we've moved on from Victorian times. Miami, get it out of that box and give it a whirl, you won't be taking it back to the shop!!

dittany · 30/08/2008 18:41

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zippitippitoes · 30/08/2008 18:42

i think if you hate the idea and you are smarting over it months later and looking at his texts on his phone then all is not right in this rel;ationship

ok maybe he ballsed up but if you really got on well you would have sorted it by now and it become one of those well we can laugh about it now things tho i was fed up at the time

i still dont think him discussing it with his mate was bad tho..mates are there to talk over stuff women do it

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 18:44

Seriously, I'm not surprised there are so many people on here going out with 'partners' who are utter dicksmacks after reading some of the posts on here.

As a present? Something like that? That she never even expressed an interest in?

Nah, I don't buy all this 'he's embarrassed' and shit. When was the last time you met a man who was embarrassed about sex, because he'd be the last dude to think about passing off a vibe as a V-day present, especially when she didn't even mention she might have wanted it or which kind she wanted.

A man who was interested in spicing up their sex life would have at least had the common courtesy to bring up the topic of toys before giving her one, to gauge interest or fish around for ideas.

Put the shoe on the other foot. Say you're going out with someone, having a pretty good time and good sex. You wonder if he might want to go for some toys or films or aids like that.

Wouldn't it occur to you to bring it up over drinks or during pillow talk before heading over to Ann Summers?

dittany · 30/08/2008 18:46

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expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 18:48

I know I chose Bob, my battery-operated boyfriend, myself so that I wouldn't ever endure some thoughtless freak just to get off.

makeminealargeoneplease · 30/08/2008 18:48

Interesting re Victorian drs...thank you kind Dr folk in that case!!

No honestly no problem whatsoever, believe me. I would have scored it 10 before I'd experienced the big time. 9 out of 10 is still a great score, obviously - but how does one know if they have nothing to compare it to?

minorityrules · 30/08/2008 18:49

dittany what crap, I have never had an orgasm from fingers (mine or anyone elses) nor a tongue, I orgasm from penetration

Nothing to do with any issues, it just doesn't happen and believe me I've tried!!! I am extremely sexual and have no hang ups. So unless I have vibrator, masturbation is pointless.

I dont' see why OP is upset, I discuss sex and men with my friends, why shouldn't a man? It is a thoughtful present, everyone should embrace masturbation especially within a relationship

makeminealargeoneplease · 30/08/2008 18:51

Ex pat, you may have a point there about bringing up during pillow talk etc, good point. Yeah maybe he should have said something. I do think it sounds like he was egged on by his mate. A bit childish really.

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 18:51

'It is a thoughtful present, everyone should embrace masturbation especially within a relationship '

It's thoughtless because a vibe's a really personal thing, and she a) hadn't expressed an interest in one to begin with b) he didn't have the courtesy to bring it up first and see if she wanted one, or indeed if she already had one that she was happy with.

Just, here, here's a present for you with my interests most in mind.

Erm, NEXT!

zippitippitoes · 30/08/2008 18:52

i think if its a misjudgement and in your eyes crass and you havent resolved it yet then you arent really suited

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 18:52

That's my main objection, makemine, and I don't have any hangups at all.

But it's like porn or other aids or anal play or coming in someone's mouth, you at least broach the subject before giving it as a present.

That's just courtesy for your partner.

dittany · 30/08/2008 18:53

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zippitippitoes · 30/08/2008 18:53

i dont agree with dittany tho

makeminealargeoneplease · 30/08/2008 18:54

So is it the same when blokes buy sexy underwear, is that the same? In my opinion thats more selfish isn't it? He wants to see her dressed up for his own pleasure. What does the lady get from that? Maybe feeling slightly sexier, I guess.

minorityrules · 30/08/2008 18:54

We don't know if they had never discussed it, she doesn't say that, we also dont know whether he has wanted brought into their sexlife or not. For all we know she has been bunnying it while he is at work and he has never seen it again. Why always assume the worse?

And I'd love to know why dittany hates men so very much

dittany · 30/08/2008 18:55

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