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Relationships

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Original poster

Would this piss you off?

51 replies

passTheAsprin · 29/08/2008 23:46

You go out for a meal with a fairly newish partner (say 6 months). You agree before hand to split the cost 50/50.

You order a main meal that costs £6 and 2 drinks at roughtly £2 each.
He orders a main meal at £9, a starter at £6. A side order at £3 and 2 drinks at roughly £3 each. The meal comes to £34. Is it mean to silently begrudge paying half towards this meal?

Then say a few weeks later you go for another meal. He asked you if you would like to go and made no mention of going halfs. So you go and when food is ordered you order main meal at £6 again and a couple of drinks. He again goes for a starter, 2 side orders, the most expensive main meal and expensive drinks and when the bill is brought he asks if its ok to go halfs again.

I don't mind paying my way but I think he's taking the piss a bit. He works full time and has much more disposable income than I do (single parent currently on income support). Or am I being tight?

OP posts:

pinkspottywellies · 30/08/2008 00:16

Arse. Get rid.

Ok to not realise but the 'but I'm really hungry' line

callmeovercautious · 30/08/2008 00:24

DH and I were friends with another couple years ago, I worked with her. First time we all went DH (DP then) paid the whole bill and the other man said he would "get it next time", some excuse about not having his bank card. Next day she said to me that it would never happen and told me almost exactly the same thing you have posted.

DP could afford a pub meal for 4 at the time. Not a real issue financially but when we met up again and the guy did not even buy a round DP was fuming! We met at a country pub and when the bill came he handed it to the other woman. DH knew her financial situation so said " oh here let me pay for ours" and he did. friend was grateful but obv embarrassed that her DP had not offered to return the promised meal.

They split up soon after.

Moral - do not order what you can't afford and don't trust a man who does not split the bill fairly. I don't think men should automatically pay for everything but a partnership should be fair. DH used to pay for Dinners out and I would make him a big fry up or a roast Dinner when he stayed over I was a student when he was earning so I feel OK about that.

solidgoldbrass · 30/08/2008 00:31

Bin him, he's an arse. The next thing will be him 'forgetting' his wallet: or if you say you can't afford a meal out at all he will suggest that you cook for him.

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 00:34

I've had 'forgot the wallet', too.

Again, 'Oh, that's too bad,' paid my share of the bill and left saying, hope you can phone up a pal to come help you out.

since when do you 'forget your wallet' when you know you're going on a date 2) if you really did, wouldn't you, out of mortification, suggest not settling the bill till you got hold of a pal to help you out of a tight spot?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 30/08/2008 00:37

Oh- he does sound a bit stingy! I agree with Carmenere- I would find a man who was so tight very unattractive. What is he like otherwise?

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 00:38

'What is he like otherwise? '

Who cares? He's a skinflint.

Delete and start over again.

thumbwitch · 30/08/2008 00:38

yup, pissed off I would be. Tight bastard, don't waste your time or money on him. Resentment will only build and tbh, you don't want to have a future with someone who penny-pinches like that - there was a post recently about someone who worked only P/T and her partner seemed to think she should contribute more to the running of their abode when prices went up, despite the fact that he earned way loads more than she did - such a load of shite.

Give it up.

callmeovercautious · 30/08/2008 00:41

I agree solidgold - that is what the friends partner did "oh sh*t" I have left my debit card somewhere.... hence DH paying. I am sure he intended his girlfriend to bail him out.

However I don't think cooking a romantic meal is a bad thing if that is what you can afford as a treat for him. Just if that is all that happens, then it becomes one way. Just like if they always pay in full and you pay nothing.

A relationship should be equal. What makes it equal is a fine line determined between the partners. For exmple - I cook all the time - everything. He does all the washing, we split dishwashing. He works FT, I work PT. I care for DD on the other days and try to hoover etc in between. If not he does some. Get off on the right foot. No one is perfect. I still think I empty the dishwasher too often and so does he! We are both probably right

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 00:42

'However I don't think cooking a romantic meal is a bad thing if that is what you can afford as a treat for him.'

sounds more like this guy owes the OP the 'treat' of several meals at this point.

Soapbox · 30/08/2008 00:43

Well, I suppose on the basis that not that many years ago the man was expected to pay for everything, maybe in overall terms it is a fair for a bit of redressing of the balance

On the personal level though, his behaviour is mean at worst, thoughtless at best. Neither great features in the early stages of a relationship.

I would make it a bit more obvious that you really do need to watch the pennies by saying that the next time you get together it will have to be just for one or two drinks as you cannot afford to pay for dinner. He might jump in and suggest that he pays, but stick to your guns, a couple of drinks and a packet of crisps is all that you can afford, so that it is all that you will commit to consuming.

FAQ · 30/08/2008 00:45

Tight git.....

I'm a single parent on income support, my new DP has a job - tomorrow night we're going out for a meal, and he's suggested I order the steak and lobster - and he's paying for it all - as he always does when we go out

When he comes over here I cook him hotpots, bangers and mash and homemade crumble......

cornsilk · 30/08/2008 00:46

he sounds like a tosser

thumbwitch · 30/08/2008 00:46

good idea, Soapbox - or you could say, if he really wants to go for some food, then it will have to be a McD's or Burger King as that is all you can afford at the mo.

expatinscotland · 30/08/2008 00:49

really, don't bother wasting any more time on this person.

electra · 30/08/2008 01:08

Bloody hell! Unchivalrous twunt!!

solidgoldbrass · 30/08/2008 01:11

Well, yeah, if he's got a huge winky hidden depths or something you could try suggesting that you get together to do less expensive things than going for meals. But I just think his suggestions will still involve you treating him to something (that was what I meant about the cooking, not that it's at all unacceptable to cook for a date). For some reason he wants to leech off you.

anniemac · 30/08/2008 01:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/08/2008 06:34

When you asked if you could go easy as you were hard up his reaction should have been 'don't worry, I'll put in extra' not 'I'm really hungry'. Sponging bastard!

spicemonster · 30/08/2008 07:33

'Once when the bill came I made a bit of a show of saying "jeez...how much did that steak thing cost that you got?" and he looked down the bill and said "oh yeah, it isn't really fair that you pay half towards this cos mine cost miles more than yours, but I've only got £15 on me..." etc'

That was the point at which you should have walked away from him. What a stingy tosser.

Anna8888 · 30/08/2008 07:34

I wouldn't see anyone again who was trying to rip me off financially in such a blatant way.

fruitstick · 30/08/2008 07:48

Dump him immediately, it's the kind of behaviour that will only get worse as the relationship continues.

If he knew he only had £15 on him he should not have ordered more than that. If you do go out with him again when the bill comes, just say "Mine comes to a tenner", put it on the table then go to the loo. If the bill is still there when you get back make your excuses and leave.

msdemeanor · 30/08/2008 07:55

HOw awful that he expects you to pay for his food all the time. He really sounds horrible.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/08/2008 08:42

PTA

Fairly newish partner needs dumping. Meanness is not a nice quality.

solidgoldbrass · 30/08/2008 08:48

This is not just mean, this is predatory. A mean man would order a glass of water and the smallest cheapest dish on the menu for himself and then insist on paying only for what he had: the sort of person who insists on splitting the bill exactly when eating in a large group, for instance.
Your date is being aggressively, wierdly selfish in wanting you to subsidize his meals like this.

warthog · 30/08/2008 10:43

just plain gross.

near the top of my list of turn-offs.

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