ahother codly q about divorces

[ShittyCatsLawyer]

have you ever( those who haev married a divorcee) ahd a horribel momeny where you totally see hwy the first wife hated him?
ie " my first wife hated xyz"

then you think
yes i do too

?

Not really. Not at all, even. But then, my partner's ex is a very different personality to mine.

Well said Swedes!

To use Swedes template (which is a good one) - my partner says things like:

She is never on time.
She can't keep her diary commitments.
She doesn't take good care of the children.

The reason - ex-wife's life revolves only around herself and her own needs. Other people exist purely as a support service.

Sometimes divorced men were just previously married to nightmarish personalities .

Anna - It is his personality that is the relevant bit - nothing to do with you and his ex being different personalities. He won't have changed.

Swedes - you're missing the point

well wont it go both ways tho im divorced

but im not horrid imo

tho i have only had two relationships post divorce and both with single no kids guys

exh is not in a relationship thos he was briefly after we split but she is now married to someone else...as he puts it also rich she must have been after me for my money lolol

actually i have never met a divorced man

even an acquaintance

Anna888 - How odd that he married someone so totally unsuitable. My DP's ex wife is extremely nice and I can see her many good qualities. And her break-up summary of complaints were spot on.

I have had one of these moments with my X.
He had a son, and the mum used to arrange a time for XP to see his son and then she would go out, the neighbours would say Oh she went out half an hour ago..

I used to think OMFG how could someone do that and WHY???

Now I know that XP turns up ONLY WHEN IT SUITS HIM, and if ANYTHING comes up he will do that instead.

So for the few times I saw her let him time im sure there were hundreds of times where he had arsed her around, I just didnt realise at the time. Now i know.

Not odd at all: like lots of young men, he married someone with the same personality type as his mother .

Now he finds both his mother and his ex-wife unbelievably high-maintenance - and he's quite right .

I think I would be very wary of having anything much in common with a man's ex. There is a reason that they were unsuited .

I have a friend who (when very young) married a divorced man with young children. My friend is the spitting image in every way of her husband ex. Unsurprisingly they have had sticky times together and a lot of couple counselling.

My partner's ex-wife also has a new partner who is much more similar in personality to her. Both of them arrange to see their children as little as possible and are quite happy with that.

Dh has an ex-wife. He hasn't come with any nightmare stories about her though. His reason for their separation and then divorce was that he married young and they grew apart until it got to the point where they were only as good as married in the legal sense, ie had no life together at all, so just decided to call it a day. They didn't have any children together.

Dh irritates me sometimes and I can get a bit pissed off with him, but I think that's more to do with me having lived on my own for a good while before and then having to share my living space with another person. It's been hard for me to learn to compromise [selfish git emoticon] Have never hated him though.

very intersting
i dont think men change at all( liek any of us my school report aged 6 si the same as iw doul be now - minus the reading and writing bit!)
i jist wonder if somesecond marriages are better suited to put up wiht each others crap tendencies

I think people who go into second marriages are perhaps more realistic about what to expect. Perhaps older = wiser/more cynical about what else is on offer out there and the realisation that there aren't many "perfect" marriages.

However, second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first timers so perhaps I'm wrong.

But one person's crap tendency is another person's fantastic quality.

My partner and I are both amazing time-keepers (so amazing we are early for everything as we are still working on the premise that the other will be late). He was driven nuts by his ex's inability to ever be on time. She couldn't stand him being so fussy.

Fair enough if second marriages/relationship are between 2 people with buggage (divorced with children etc)..

Unfortunately the guys very often go for young, stupid and naive 20+ y olds who fall for their 'she didn't understand me' crap line (like I did)..

If my dd ever ends up as a young girl in relationship with divorced man with children I'd everything to get him out of her life..

I'd wish some one has done the same for me..

OMG. Dh's xw. She was a good friend to me when they were still together (I was his shoulder to cry on when she left him). oh how I wish I'd read the signs! They used to have separate holidays ffs! WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN???

Anna sorry I don't get that. If I assume (from past experience) that someone I am meeting will be late, I am less likely to put the effort into being on time than I usually would.

lol at yellowvan

LOL.
are you married too? lordy.

doesn't always happen - my fathers new partner thinks he is much misunderstood and "doesn't deserve" us evil wife/children from his marriage.

Actually I hope she doesn't the hard way that he can cut off people who love him with barely a backward glance if it suits him.