DH is being a fucking arse.

[PavlovtheCat]

I have some money in my dresser drawer. A few pounds that I have been given towards a pedicure I am arranging for my best friend's baby shower.

I have put the money in my drawer so I dont spend it.

DH saw it there, as DD left the drawer open while playing with it, and this morning he asked why it was there. I told him, he took it.

No asking. Just took it. I asked why he was taking it, he said why not? I said fine just take it, grumpy like.

Then I said are you not going to even say thanks? And can you not take it all, and he said again, why not?

I said it was not his to take and he has not even said thanks, did not ask to borrow it, no thanks, nothing. Even when I said it, there was no sorry, thanks. He said. 'i did'.

So, when I said it was rude. He said 'life is a bit unfair sometimes isnt it?'

He is being really obnoxious lately .

Pavlov poor you

Obviously you cannot carry on this way.

I guess it's time for a 'big talk'.

Do you have any idea why he is behaving like this?

Dittany - that seems pretty much it to me too. He denies this, when I try to bring it up 'you are talking absolute crap'.

He obviously is not happy with me. And wont tell me why.

Oh and to top it all off. DD has just put a toilet roll in the toilet and flushed it...

oh dear.

It is definitely passive-aggressive, isn't it?

Actually I meant scary in the sense of 'scary that a grown man would behave like a defiant child - sorry, wasn't clear. (though actually, I do find defiant children who smile while they do something they know is wrong rather scary..)

A couple of people further up didn' seem to understand that you'd told him what it was for, which I think alters the complexion of things. I don't like the 'and you can't stop me' implication, either - that does seem rather controlling and bullying to me.

I agree you should show him the thread.

Sorry you're having a crap time.

He apologised!!!!

How about that then!

He was fine with me when he finished work, not mentioned again straight away. We had some wine in the evening, a bit of a chat and we agreed that today we would be nicer to each other, no inuendos, no saying yes when we mean no, no when we mean yes, be clear and concise and not skirt around the houses.

He said as a joke, 'as long as you dont flame me on MN again' and then we talked about the morning, I told him that he was disrespectful in his actions, and that he behaved childishly. I re-iterated that he had no right to take the money without asking. And I should not have in annoyance just let him take it. I said that the way he spoke to me was dismissive of my thoughts and feelings, and that it appeared his ultimate goal of taking the money was more important than manners.

He said he just wanted to have money for the bus, I asked why he needed it all, he said it was there. I told him the point it was in my dresser and not on the sideboard/table for him to see was so it was not used.

I also said that if he had asked, I would have lent it to him.

And so he apologised, pretty much straight away, for taking the money, and for being so flippant/rude about it.

I also said that while I apologised for posting on MN, I in hindsight think that I should not have. I have a right to vent, and would he prefer that I vented to MN or to our friends, which he dislikes. And that I did not want him to feel that he has control over what I might say to others about him.

He apologised again, saying 'fair enough, in future I will ask'.

Tried talking about the deeper issues of him thinking it is ok to be like this with me, why he might be unhappy with me, and he insisted it was nothing more than pride not wanting to ask me for it, and not thinking i would have a problem with it.

I cant do it all at once, eh?!!!

Thanks for you advice everyone, it helped a lot to get some perspective.

Great - nothing like good old communication. Difficult, but effective

ilovemydog - wine helped...it was a nice bottle which we both like, a good mediator!

We are not 'there'. There are clearly issues going on in our relationship that we need to work on, but it will take time and I think we need to not do it all at once.

The fact that he did not just dismiss me out of hand which I was half expecting is good. It means all is not lost.

Kerry - I agree that an apology does not solve everything, but it is certainly a giant step forward. In the morning, he did not give a toss.

But he clearly had time to reflect and he apologised, and he did not say it to keep the peace, as far as I could tell. He said he should have just asked. It was not a stroppy teenager apology, mumbled. It was proper!

And to be honest, he rarely apologises, even if he knows he is wrong, always been like that!!!

I have a DH who finds it very difficult to apologise, so I can really empathise with you.

Glad that you have got this far with him - good luck from now onwards!

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