will dp ever get divorced? long

[howtobehated]

when i met dp he was married and i was in a relationship, i ended my relationship of 2 years as soon as i realised i had feelings for dp, dp ended marriage of 20 years after 3 months of us spending time together. his wife didn't want to split as he supported her and they had a good friendship but nothing more. we have been together 7 years now and although harsh i know what we did was right for us, we now have a 13 month old dd who is amazing! my problem is dp left marital home 6 years ago, split savings, paid off mortage but that is it. they never divorced, he still pays some bills his x can't afford on their shared house and he takes her the money every couple of months, they never talk about changing things. i ask him to get divorced as i want a clean start and don't like him having finances tied up elsewhere when we have a house and a baby to support. also i don't want dd to grow up with her dad married to someone else. i know you will all hate me for being the other woman but what should i do?

i'm hoping he will respond as he hates face to face conflict and i get angry with him for not getting on with things. I would hate to split up with him as he really is the love of my life and the best daddy and i want us to be a family, it's all 've ever wanted. He pays for everything we need so we never suffer financially, the other hose has no mortgage and she works to pay most things, he just gives her a bit of money to pay things like house insurance and things like that as the house is still his. i think he pays her fuel bills too which really bugs me. I can't understand why she doesn't want a divorce and a clean break, i can only think she is cleverer than he gives her credit and knows more about the money side of things than him. TBH i'm not bothered about the money, i don't care if he gives her money forever although i don't encourage it, what i desparately want is for security for my dd and i don't want her growing up knowing her daddy is married to someone else and she will ask questions eventually and i don't want to lie for her.

htbh - yeh, i can see how it would make it awkward for your lil one wanting to know why daddy wasn't married to mummy but someone else. has he read the email yet? he will have to talk face to face about it though. i think the reason she doesn't want a divorce is possibly because she'd be without somewhere to live! although, if they are friends he could let her live on as a tenant. the fact that he pays fuel bills and things could be included in a compromised rent perhaps? suggest it and see what he says, its an idea though!

She wouldn't be able to afford to buy him out or buy a house as she doesn't earn much and is older but i suggested he either give her the house or let her live in it free but if she moves or dies he gets his half, dp doesn't want to give it her as he has paid for it all but doesn't want her homeless (nor do i obviously). He hasn't read e-mail yet.

At the risk of sounding like I'm obsessed with money - how is it that you have the house in your name, but 'he is listed as living here on the deeds,'? Title Deeds show who has a financial interest in a property, not just who lives in it!

I was wondering that too. If both names are on the deeds, then both own the house. So it is not yours. It is his, and his wife has a claim to half of it if he passes away.

If he has NO financial interest in the house, your mortgage company will have asked him (through you, if the mortgage is only in your name) to sign a waiver (to be witnessed by independent people) which says that he has no financial interest in the house, and will lay no claim to it in the event of divorce or death, or any other circumstances.

If he hasnt signed such a waiver, and his name is on the deeds, he owns half the house. And legally, his wife is entitled to his half if he passes away.

Who suggested that the house is yours, but he should be named on the deeds? Did he suggest that? Are you being a little naive?

The house is in my name only and he signed the waiver infront of people to say he has no financial interest, it just states that he lives in the house but has no claim on it. I have always paid the mortgage and he has always given me money to cover living here. He pays more now I am a sahm temporarily. His wife has another house in her name only (her mothers who is still alive) but only 2 bedroom and sister lives there too since her divorce (sounds like jeremy kyle) so she can't live there at moment. In case of divorce if his wife tried to claim anything extra (apart from house, everything in it, car, and money she has already had, he could claim half the other house, (not that he would but it could be done)

did you have a big discussion with him?

no discussion as yet, he hasn't read email, been away since fri.

I know this is an ancient thread now but in case anyone still reads it I would like to hijack it with my opinion formed from similar and bitter experience of my own. The saying goes the grass is always greener on the otherside and old romantic notions merely shield us from reality of what can happen when this greeness eventually fades. I also was the other woman or mistress if you prefer, and the excitement of the affair was intoxicating for us both and the fact I managed it so long without my first husband noticing merely added to the justification of it all. Afterall if he couldnt even bother to notice all the telltale signs of my affair how could he even care about me? After our divorce I moved in with my new man and all was right again. Except several years later he had an affair in revenge for the affair he thought I was having! The harsh lesson I learned was we both knew we were both capable of having an affair so never could never truely trust each other so be very careful is my advice and dont ignore any warning signs. Sorry I have droned on about my own mess and I fully expect to be shot down for my mistakes but confession is good for the soul I hear.