Please listen to me aggresive dp

[namechangedforadvice]

So dp has been grumpy on and off all day ,this morning he kicked off for no reason and told me I was ugly and he hated me.
He apoligised and said he was tired , I though all was ok this afternoon and he was leaning half in half out of the kitchen door (which leads to porch) I pretended to push him in and he said stop it then dd after seeing me doing it ran at the door and pushed it again I went to stop her and he thought it was me so he shoved the door (which is like an exterior door) straight at me it would have hit my face if I didn't catch it.
I shouted and he said sorry but then went upstairs shouting I told him to stop kicking off in front of dc but he shouted more and walked out.
He is aggresive like this at least three times a week although sometimes ,I can't just leave I have 4 dc and nothing that is mine no bank account ,no family ,no friends.

I am fed up of feeling scared .

So Hercules you think it's Ok for a child to witness stuff like this regularly??????

I am ok ,sorry about my posting style I am a bit shaky and don't want to flower things up I just wanted to put the facts down.

I am going to leave I realise I can not yet I am going to seek some advice from the link TBGP gave me .

Thankyou everyone who has given me good advice.

I am ok ,sorry about my posting style I am a bit shaky and don't want to flower things up I just wanted to put the facts down.

I am going to leave I realise I can not yet I am going to seek some advice from the link TBGP gave me .

Thankyou everyone who has given me good advice.

I do wonder if MNS would have been quite so if I had used my regular name she is usually so nice to me

Good luck babe, you're doing the right thing and we're here if you need us - well most of us are

Where are you roughly, might be someone near you?

I'm in kent. x

I am glad you are taking a look at the link. it really will help clarify things for you.

please dont be offended by my comment about your posting style...As i said, i wasn't sure if you were just being carefull as to what you put or not.

Make sure you come back to this thread as there are a great number of us here who have been through this and can offer you teh support you will undoubtedly need. especially if you have no family support nearby.

I'm in yorkshire but thankyou .
I have to go now and see to my dc but thankyou everyone.

No Mamazon I am not offended ,I just wanted to explain myself now I am feeling a bit calmer .

Possibly not.

I totally understand why you have changed your name but i do find it a little saddening that this area is still considered so shamefull that you didn't feel able to post under your usual name.

mamazon i would not call any of that minor. op if you had said any of the other stuff i wouldnt have questioned you. any physical violence from either partner is wrong and grounds to leave.

however all he could be accused of from your first post is being a grumpy git and lots of us live with those, lots of us frequently are those ourselves.

what makes me angry (and i would expect would make any other victim of dv angry) is that some woment lie about their partners being violent towards them. they attack their partners and when their partner defends themselves or reacts they accuse them of being violent. then when those of us who have been through it (and i am including mamzon and the op in that) go to court they are reluctant to believe us because there are so many liars out there.

if you dont want opinions based on incorrect facts or lack of information then put all the facts or at least say he has been violent. its only a few more words to give a clearer picture. shoving a door back at you when you have shoved it at him (he thought) is not domestic violence. from your first post you sounded like you were overreacting.

and fanlight i am not here to support people without believeing they need support. anyone in an abusive relationship deserves support, but i dont just blindly agree with everyone. if you dont want honest opinions, go to netmums

and that took ages to type, i have prob xposts with loads of you

Ok I will go to netmums then

op i hope you are ok and i will help with advice i can on how to get out of an abusive relationship. it would not have made any difference if i knew your regular name.

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but then wrongly accusing someone of something as awful as domestic violence is pretty fucking awful isnt it? or should we women all club together against all the bastard men because they are all the same arent they and they deserve everything they get. and no one who starts a thread is ever wrong and its much better that the real violent men get away with it so all the lying bitches can tell their story and get all the sympathy they want

what???

Ok I didn't explain myself very well but I did post 5 mins after he walked out.

Although I still can't see why you thought that been aggresive and name calling is not part of DV and I did post that.

I am terrified of this man at some points in my life he scares me witless ,but on the other hand when I am in trouble or ill I want him ,I miss him when he is not here .

I know for the sake of my dc I have to leave but I have to do it in stages I will not just take them from their home ,friends and schools .I will not .

Oh ok MNS you sound just like my dp

i think when faced with situation like this Milk is to ask yourself what the Op could possibly gain from exagerating.

yes i do get frustrated when women make false accusation because they are going through court proceedings for custody/divorce etc.

but this is MN. we do not know the Op or her H so what is there to gain other than advice?

what harm can be done by giving her the benefit of the doubt.
As i said, yes the incident she described in her Op could have been excused or even understood. But she also said that he had called her uigly and fat ( a typical thing for controlling men to say..it destroys a womans confidence and therefore her ability to feel strong enough to react)
she also said that she was scared.

You aren't scared of your partner until they give you reason to be.

its about reading between the lines.

MNS you obv have a big chip about something, something NOT RELEVANT to thie thread...please take it elsewhere.

Namechanged - please stop apologising for how you worded your OP. We get the idea now and want to support you.

The mixture of feelings you have is totally normal, most women still love the man who is hurting them.

It doesn;t mean you should stay because you definitely shouldn'. It's likely to get worse and not better, sadly. In most cases anyway.

It just makes it a lot harder to go.

Have you any family around who know what he's like?

it was in response to parcark and all the other people who think that just because someone posts on mn they are automically in the right.

nc of course it is part of domestic violence, but on its own its not something to ruin a mans life over. i have seen it from an innocent blokes point of view and its awful.

i got out because i called the police and he was bailed to stay away from me. by the time he was allowed to see me i was over him and enjoying life. getting out of an abusive relationship while still seeing them is very very difficult. i understand why you dont want to disrupt your kids, they have enough to deal with. but in the long run it is worth it because they grow up to see that abusive men do not get to stay with women like their mum and girls get to see they are not expected to put up with the abuse if it happens to them. if you post more about your circumstances people can give you more practical help.

namechanged - if you have ever posted anything else about his violant behaviour, and ndeed this thread. please keep a copy of it.

it is all dated and timed so if his violance is ever contested you have a history.

I have posted on a number of threads with regards to Dv, it may be worth doing an archive search under my name and teh word Abuse.
there was a thread recently where a MNer was asking for advice for her friend. a lot of it may well be of use to you.

I'm leavng the thread now and going to try and get some help from womens aid .Thankyou all .

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I see you have gone for some advice and i am really pleased namechange.

but just in case you do check back i just wanted to say that feeling love for and abusive partner isn't abnormal.
When things were good i loved him dearly, i still to this day wish i could have the "nice" side of him from time to time.

But violance like this will soon start to outweigh the good times. have you noticed an increase in the frequency of these incidents? have his outburts become more violant?