Making yourself have sex every week to please your dh

[prudencepinkleg]

Posted on here the other day about how I didn't feel my dh is very supportive. The other bone of contention in our relationship is sex. He hasn't treated me that well in the past in the bedroom, and has often wanted to know when it's going to be if I say 'not tonight dear'. In the past 9 months or so we agreed on a compromise of every week to 10 days or so and I therefore I have offered on a regular basis because I feel I should. But I don't want to be doing it; I don't fancy him but I grit my teeth and do it for him. I don't know what to do anymore as it's really getting me down. It's hard to talk to him about it.

Constance - oh yes, I definitely could go at it all guns blazing so I know it's not about that !! It's interesting that other people have had similar experiences and got out of them only to find future happiness. I think I know what I want deep down but it's having the courage to do it.

It sounds like it isn't your sex drive so much as your relationship with your DP, then, Prudence.

Have you lost all respect for your husband, or are there still things you like about him? (Tbh, my XH1 irritated the hell out of me by the time we split up and he could have changed into the nicest man on earth; it would have made no difference to my feelings. He had been too horrible for too long, and killed everything I once felt for him stone dead).

If you could flick a switch so that you could have sex with him without feeling repulsed by it, would you want to flick that switch? Or would you still prefer not to have sex with him again?

Actually, he does annoy me a lot. Just little things he does I suppose. I do think that there have been so many things that I have lost any respect I had at the beginning of our relationship, and even then I don't know if it was love as I was extremely young, inexperienced and naive. As for flicking a switch, I don't think I really do want to have sex with him again. I want us to be friends as we have two dc and will need to see each other but I can't ever see myself fancying him again.