I am a regular but lately I have posted a couple of times under this name as I seem to be having problems with my fiance who I always maintain is the best man ever, and I thought he was.
Background info: I posted a while ago saying that he avoided taking me to gatherings and had gone to a christening that day where he was to be God father but he made me feel so unwelcome I ended up not going when me and DS had got all dolled up ready. He said he was very depressed and he'd only go and show his face then come home. 13 hours later he returned pissed.
He rang me at some point and said he loved me and all this nice stuff and then stayed out even longer. He always says how much he loves me when he's drunk and then he takes the piss and stays out too long.
The next week, I found out from a girl that he had been out afterwards with 3 of his mates, 1 of his mates girlfriends and this particular random girl who had turned up unexpectedly at our son's christening. I was furious about this as he'd told me no girls would be going out with them, no one was taking their girlfriends and I'd be out of place and sat with loads of lads.
DP has been a player in his past life, and I was a big flirt and dressed slutty in all honestly, but I was only 21 when we met, and |I settled down immediately and never flirted or dressed slutty again. He made it obvious straight away that he'de been cheated on and treated very badly by his ex fiance, and so he wouldn't tollerate me cheating or even being around other men. I sort of said this was ok as long as the same applied to him- he wasn't to associate with girls anymore. There were potentially a lot of people who could have caused problems as we both sort of had plenty of people on the go. But it all stopped immediately. My ex started txting me and DP went mad, even though I told my ex not to get in touch again, and that was the end of it.
We were totally in love and when we'd been together 4 months we got engaged. It was the right thing to do- we love each other very, very much and we get on well with each other's family's. We treat each other very well and my parents love him. I got pregnant at the same time we got engaged and we have a beautiful baby now, and we're a happy family.
However, since when I got pregnant, he stopped wanting sex despite having been practically a sex addict before, and since we've had the baby he doesn't often want it- I sort of get rejected a lot. He says this is due to working hard, being tired, and having the baby.
We've never lied to each other and things have never been tainted in any way. However, he gave up smoking after we'd been together a month and I HATE smoking. I also don't want him to be a smoking dad. Yet it turns out he has been smoking secretly at work. I caught him out last night. He has me run a bath for him for when he gets in from work- and now I know why! Something happened and he didn't end up having a bath straight away. We were sort of cuddling and play fighting and stuff when I smelt his hand and realised he'd been smoking. I was in a quiet mood all night and it was upsetting him. When we went to bed he kept trying to make conversation and he never usually does, he likes to sleep because he works early. So this morning, he seemed to want sex and I said no for the first time ever. He said that I obviously had someone else lined up and he said I'd gone off him. I said I was tired.
Then I said I'd been awake all night and upset. He said 'because I'm you're failure?'
When he went to work I txtd him and started asking questions about when he'd been out that night with the lasses and he went mad saying I don't trust him. I told him that my trust had been shaken because everytime I;ve mentioned him smoking he's gone off his head saying that I don't trust him and how could I think that about him and all this stuff. Which is exactly the same as if I asked if he'd cheated or anything else. So how am I meant to know what's lies and what's truth?
He told me to stay at my mum until I could trust him. I said ok. So he got even more upset.
In the end we sorted it all out and he's not going to smoke and he's not going to lie and keep things from me and he's going to stop being in a bad mood all the time and try to get things back on track.
But I'm worried that if he's lied to me about smoking when he was so adament he hadn't smoked and he made me feel so terrible and like I was a paranoid untrusting ridiculous woman, then when he makes me feel paranoid and stupid and nasty for not trusting him and asking if he's cheated, is he lying when he gets all shouty and defensive?
I'm just all lost.