How would you feel if your DH/DP spent £2k on a credit card

[Greatfun]

DH and I are in quite a bit of debt but are gradually paying it off. For the last year I have been recording our balances every month so I can see the money owed is getting less and less. Last night I noticed 2 receipts in our room for items paid for by a credit card of DHs. Neither item was very exciting (just a shirt and some vouchers for a friends wedding) but I was really with DH as it was paid for by a card I didnt know about. I asked him about it and he as good as said it was none of my business. I feel it is given we have joint finances like a mortgage, etc. I asked how much he owed and he kept saying he had no idea so I have to be honest I did a little snooping. I found the said card in his wallet (the only credit card in there) and found out the balance from the automated phone line. It was almost £2k spent since Feb this year. I confronted him again to which he pretty much told me it was his business. I just feel so cheated by him. Every month I have been checking our credit card balances and we, yes that's both of us have been commenting on how well we are doing and all along he has been spending money behind my back. He has plenty of disposable income (way more than me) but also has expensive tastes and goes out alot. He is due to get a bonus in Sep and says he will pay it off with that but I dont think thats the point. I am more upset about the lying rather than the money itself (although I am not pleased about that).

What would you do?

I have to admit I also cut up the card and sprinkled it on his head whilst he lay in bed. May seem a bit far fetched but I ant trust him with this card in his wallet.

[Seabright]

Just a quick point on something said earlier (puts lawyer hat on) if you have a credit card debt (or any other debt) in your sole name and you die your OH does not become responsible for it. If there is enough money in your estate (before the beneficiaries get paid) the debt gets paid from your estate, if there's no money to pay the bills, the creditors don't get paid.

[Miaou]

This is not about his money/my money really though, is it? That's the way some couples run their finances, fair enough. But this is about trust (lack of) and lying (consistently, several times). Greatfun's dh has allowed her to have the impression that a) their spending was under control, b)she knew about all the financial commitments they had, and c) she knew about all the spending that was taking place.

I wonder what he would say if GreatFun had run up a huge debt on a secret card, then said, "oh don't worry, I'll pay it back when I go back to work"?

[LadyMuck]

Seabright - that only works if your oh dies with absolutely nothing in their estate. In practice if there are any assets (joint savings accounts, house etc) then the credit card gets paid off. You could structure your assets to get this outcome, but I don't think that it is wise to assume that it will work out this way - it often won't.

[elkiedee]

If the plan to reduce your debts and the discussions were a joint thing, then this is undermining that agreement. My dp used to do a lot of overspending, he's better now but I'd be furious if he got another credit card and ran up that kind of bill behind my back.

[inesb]

I realise I'll probably be the lone voice of dissent, but I don't see how he has been lying. Did you have an explicit agreement that you wouldn't spend on anything else and just reduce the balance on your credit cards or were you assuming that was what he wanted to do as well?

It comes down to how you view finances as a couple. If it was me, I would think that if I had a credit card and was happy to pay it off from my bonus, then what I do with my spare cash is up to me, if we have separate finances. I would somewhat irked if my OH started telling what I should and shouldn't be spending my salary on, once our joint responsibilities had been settled,((in this case continuing settle my CC bill as agreed) Just another viewpoint - YMMV.

[Greatfun]

Miaou - exactly!

inesb - I take your point but we had agreed no more spending and were looking to pay our credit cards off. The bonus was another way to do this. I asked him if he had spent money on his credit card and he consistently denied it. He no doubt would have carried on if I had not found the reciepts in opur room.