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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Me and husband have just split, help please

34 replies

JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 08:46

After another row last night where he hit me, was verbally abusive and bullying I finally asked him to leave. He's just gone now but I don't know what I should be doing.

I'm a sahm to 3 children, no savings and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

This has been going on for years, he's been verbally abusing me, a bully and there has been violence before. Not sure what else to say.

OP posts:
mrsshapelybottom · 07/08/2008 08:48

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that you have my admiration - you are obviously very brave and strong and you will get through this.

I am sure you will get loads of brilliant help on here.....

fluffyanimal · 07/08/2008 08:49

i don't have any advice but wanted you to get a quick answer and some support. Sorry you've been going through this but well done for standing up to him, hope things start to get better for you and dcs now. Someone more knowledgeable will be along in a minute I'm sure.

lulumama · 07/08/2008 08:49

jodie ! i am so sorry to hear this, i cannot believe he hit you

do you have family near by? i would get a solicitor ASAP you should be entitled to legal aid , or go to CAB.. they can advise you.

i know you had had a few issues, but no idea he had hit you .

you need legal advice NOW.

do you want to press charges re the violence?

GColdtimer · 07/08/2008 08:50

Jodie, no real advice but I didn't want to read and run.

Do you have family nearby? Friends? It sounds like you need some immediate support now.

I know there are loads of people on here who will be able to help but I just wanted to say well done for asking him to go. You don't have to put up with abuse.

Ags · 07/08/2008 09:26

Jodie, again nothing useful from me except to say well done. It sounds like you have done a brave and strong thing. The only thing that occurs to me is that you should change the locks in case he comes back.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 07/08/2008 09:28

JODIE

I am home all day, if you want to meet.
So sorry you are going through this, email me if you want to get together.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 07/08/2008 09:30

you still around Jodie?

lulumama · 07/08/2008 09:34

jodie, hope you are ok. for you

ilovemydog · 07/08/2008 09:42

First, get the locks changed.

Then call the CAB and say you need money NOW!

YeahBut · 07/08/2008 09:48

Call CAB and Women's Aid.
WA directory of local services

Original poster
JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 09:58

Thanks everyone. I've been on the phone trying to sort some things out this morning.

I have my parents nearby so that will be a help, they are here during the week usually.

I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm quite tired today. I still feel a bit dazed by it all.

OP posts:
noonki · 07/08/2008 10:13

I would change the locks on the house

make sure you go and get your benefits sorted

the police can help also,

go to see a solicitor as they can help (you may be entitled to legal aid

you are being very brave

don't worry about less money, a happy home is far more important to your kids and for you

well done ((()))

Original poster
JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 10:28

I've made an online application and applied on the phone for a single claim of tax credits. I'm not worried about less money, I just want us all to be happy.

OP posts:
Gettingagrip · 07/08/2008 10:31

Have you told the police? Very important they have a record of this for all sorts of reasons

keep your chin up

keep posting

x

Original poster
JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 10:38

I haven't told the police. I don't think I could bear going through everything with them, plus he denies most of what he's done and blames me.

OP posts:
Gettingagrip · 07/08/2008 11:09

Well he will do! I know it is difficult. They will support you however...they have people who have seen this all before a million times.

It is quite important that this is logged. If you can't face actually going to the police then please write everything down in a diary or something. DO you have any bruises? if you do then please take some photos. This is all very important.

Hugs and love to you

xx

Original poster
JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 14:10

Thank you. I will try and get something written down later. I actually feel ok right now, is that normal?

OP posts:
Gettingagrip · 07/08/2008 16:37

You probably feel calm now you have made the decision. Keep your courage up. You are very brave

xx

Original poster
JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 17:19

I am trying, thank you. I still feel ok.

We would have been together 10 years today as well, how ironic that we split today.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/567404 I was the op of that thread. I couldn't update it at the time

OP posts:
Tortington · 07/08/2008 17:23

well done

noonki · 07/08/2008 17:42

Hi JodieG1

just checking in on you - sorry had to rush out earlier,

hope you are still feeling calm, that might be because you know you are making the right decision

indecision leaves you feeling terrible, but when it's right feels OK

I just read your previous thread, you are definately right to get him out of your life. Do you have support from friends and family?

Have you felt able to explain it all to them?

I know it may be too soon to bring it all up but think very carefully about him seeing the children and how you are going to arrange things, if you don't trust him - don't let him have them.
Well done, I have been thinking of you all day and hoping you have been getting on alright x

Original poster
JodieG1 · 07/08/2008 23:53

Thank you. I've spoken to my parents, mainly my mum and told her some things.

I still feel ok, I'm a little worried as I thought it would hit me by now, unless it won't at all. It's been a long time coming. I feel happy but strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
JodieG1 · 08/08/2008 00:22

I feel pretty crap now, I can't sleep though. I feel weird.

OP posts:
Chandra · 08/08/2008 00:31

The shock may be wearing off, but don't worry you will be fine. I would suggest a glass of hot milk if you can stomach it and going to bed with a book, what book doesn't matter just something that can take your mind out of the problem for long enough so you can sleep. You need to take good care of yourself now more than ever.

I may need to folllow my own advice now...

Alambil · 08/08/2008 00:43

hi Jodie,

hope you've managed to go to bed

I've been through and left an abusive partner if you ever want to chat

PLEASE think about the police; I had great trouble getting courts (for contact) to believed it all happened because I didn't go to the police