Is anyone else in that horrible 'no mans land' phase of your marriage/relationship - you have young children or babies, no sleep, staring at the tv every night, no real connection to one another but no energy to change...

[peggotty]

Sorry, that's a stupidly long title but does anyone recognise this? We have a dd who is 3.5 and a 6 month old ds who doesn't sleep well. We are both permanently knackered zombies, me from getting up with ds and dh because he suffers from bad insomnia. Once the dc are in bed we just collapse in front of the telly (or me on mn), barely talk and then slouch up to bed for a night of non-sleep. It's utterly crap. We can't go out at night because ds wakes so frequently and randomly and won't take a bottle. ATM it just feels llike we are existing side-by-side with no real connection. Although we do talk to one another about how rubbish things are just now, and that it will get better etc, but WHEN! How can we perk ourselves up without being able to get out in the evening?

Lalalegs and LadyG you could have the half way house at Ickworth Hotel or similar but not the same i know

Nice try ToughDaddy but I don't want to go to a child-friendly hotel, I want to go to an utterly child-unfriendly place and not compromise. I want to be on my own and not have to think about whether the children are enjoying themselves, fed, rested, entertained, hot, cold or thirsty.

haha - I actually had this for a whole week (away for work in Budapest).

Not THAT luxury but nice enough and it was AMAZING getting up alone and going down to a cooked breakfast.

It has made the rest of this term so much more bearable although DH and I are over-tired again due to the DS being sick all the time and at each others' throats.

HaventSleptForAYear -

Yes. I go on business trips that involve nights in hotels bymyself_ just to sleep, then everything feels so much better. Best to agree to stop complaining about being tired, it's so obvious that everyone's exhausted. Best also to get a regular, older, babysitter who can cope with hysterical ds waking up and being awful so that you can go out once a week.

that title sums up my life (in fact I just burst into tears to my boss because everything is getting on top of me and his boss (who I PA for) asked for another pointless spreadsheet.

I had dd1 who is 4.3 and tbh is a pita going to bed and staying in bed also have dd2 who is almost 2 she is very energetic in the day but an angel at nightime (thank God!)

I do all the housework, shopping, sorting money, work 2 days a week and chairperson of preschool plus 90% of childcare as dh leaves at 4.45am for work and is normally asleep by 7.30/8pm.

I hope its just a phase but as this moment in time I honestly think being on my own with the kids would be easier than doing it with dh as all he seems to do is make me more work or annoy me because he is asleep when I am so tired

my one piece of wisdom would be get a little bit of childcare - a childminder or grandma who can come once or twice every week so you get some time to yourself. You get stuff done so the evenings are freerer and you have a bit more energy. if money an issue, swap with a mate. I promise a bit of time on your own restores like nothing else. But I justified the cost thiking its hell of a lot cheaper than a divorce.

for dp - that sleep frazzle thing is bad news - lie ins, warm milk, hot bath, night rescue remedy - all of those things cos the world looks a grim place when you dont have enough sleep

better to relax/chat in bed rather than in front of tv. so when you drop off you are in the right place. Make an effort to go into bed by 10:00hrs for a couple of weeks and see how you feel.

Yes, absolutely. We have a 4yo and 17mo twins and sometimes it feels like we can go weeks without properly talking - but it's peaks and troughs, and we have wonderful times too, but yes it is very hard work to get it started again sometimes.
Worth the effort though, it will get better soon.

Hmm, we already go to bed at 10pm most nights and sometimes earlier but evenings are taken up with work...

Am holding out for the Xmas holidays now.

Oh dear, us too, 2 x ds, 1 x geriatric dog who keeps us awake all night wanting to go out, 2 x demanding jobs, once we have driven children here there and everywhere have no energy to do anything but lie in front of telly and fall asleep - but sadly we are 50 and children are 17 & 14, please do something so you don't end up like us! Mind you, we are very much looking forward to children going off to uni, by which time lovely dog will sadly be gone and we can do what we like again.