My friend keeps reminding me of my DH's affair and I am deversated

[overdraft]

My DH had an affair 3 years ago. We are still together and are now very happy. My husband had turned into the most loving man, who is so happy we are still together. He supports me and loves me and I am happy to say he is a muched improved man because of the experience.

Anyway, When it happened my world was blown apart. The pain will never completly go away and I have come to terms with it. I talked on Mumsnet lots at the time and it was heaven sent.

Everyone knew about the affair because the o.w husband choose to tell the world.They were are next door niegbours. We had lots of the same friends. I felt so ashamed and had to hold my head high, even though it wasn't my fault. This was so, so difficult. I lost my home. I had been through hell and back.

There was one friend who I lent on through the whole thing.She was there through it all and was so supportive. She helped me sell the house, pack boxes or just held me when I cried.

3 Years on I am feeling much stronger - most of the time. I have a job, study and my life is not consumed by the pain all the time.

The problem is now this friend uses every opertunity to bring it up. I mean everytime we meet, she will crack a joke or have a dig.

Last night she was very spiteful. She said oh let me come around and flirt with your Dh. Everyone else has had him. Then she said Oh I shouldn't have said that should I dear, dear. This was said in a really patronising way.

I came home and had a row with DH and cried and cried. I feel so low.

I don't know why I am even writing this t.b.h. Thanks for reading to the end.

I think I just need shoulder to cry on right now. I am so hurt and don't understand why she would do that to me.

Sorry for long post

i too was interested by your description of her as a helpful person. I know a person like this, she would trample over people to "help" others whenever there is a drama. She just enjoyed the drama and the whole image of being X who was "so kind and helpful" when actually she could be quite a bully due to her insecurities and need to be the centre of attention.

The thing is, you have chosen to take you husband back and by doing this you must let the past stay in the past. You have forgiven him so you have to forget. I know its not cut and dry but if you dont want it to mar any future relationship you have, then it must stay in the past, where it cannot hurt you anymore. This friend, for some reason, can't let go, perhaps, as someone else says, doesn't have a "project" or more likely she is jealous of your happiness and wants to make herself feel better by making you feel bad. To be fair, she probably doesn't even recognise that she does this herself.

If i were you, i would have no more to do with her. Don't make a big issue of it, just dont see her anymore, make excuses etc. Whether she means well or is being malicious, the upshot is the same, she is making you feel bad and undermining your relationship - you don't need this person in your life. If she asks why - tell her.

Sorry just read your title again.There has been a series so I would be very wary of her.Something must be wrong in her Life and she is jealous.She must feel needed I think and now she isnt she is having a go.Dont be so upset however,you are in a stronger position than before cos you now know what she is really like,so you are better off.

lucysmum what a great reply.This project thing,I find so interesting.That is a very perceptive comment,don`t mean to take away from overdrafts pain,however

She might be in love with you have you thought about that?
More than likely though, what is happening is she is going through turmoil in her own life and can not/will not tell you about it, so she gets her jollies by bullying you.

skidoodle - Yes it was one affair that lasted 5 weeks.

Yes she does it everytime we meet. Little jibes like Overdraft, now look after your man or he will stray. That sort of comment. Last night took the biscuit though. Or perhaps I have just had enough of it now.

Actually ,donovan I don't think she is happy. She will never talk about it and I don't probe t.b.h.

I would always be there for her , but she is a very private person.

I think you can do without her reminders. She could be jealous as other people have pointed out.

There is not one glove fits all in life and so many times on Mnet and in RL we get this advice, once a cheater, always a cheater. If he can do this to his ex he will do it to you. People change as they grow (Ok get older) and they do learn. You trust you DH enough to know this.

Only you know if this friendship is worth it. If you are being bullied then get rid.

If you still get something good out of the relationship then tell her never to mention it again. If she loves and respects you she wont.

Get rid of her, you dont need people like that in your life. It sounds like she is jealous.

Some people are so insenstive - my and dh had a bit of trouble before we decided to get married and one my wedding day someone brought it up!!!!!

Talk to her or cull

She needs to help all these people because of something lacking in her own life I think. If she is unhappy then helping people 'in need' makes her feel better about herself. It could be that when people are in some sort of turmoil that she 'enjoys' it on some level, and she likes to be thought of as kind and caring (like you think of her).

Now that you are happy and have a good relationship with your dh and have put the past behind you she feels her own unhappiness when she's with you and will try and bring you down-as this is the way she feels.
It's hard for you to believe that she could be doing this on purpose as you, and everyone else, thinks of her as being such a good person-but I do think she knows exactly what she's doing when she says things like that.

Who knows why, (she doesn't spend any time with her dh, maybe it's because he's a total bastard to her who knows for sure) and it's up to you to decide if you are bothered enough to find out and save this friendship. But the very next time she makes a comment about your dh, don't let it go.
You don't need to row with her just state your feelings and ask her if she's aware of what she's doing.