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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

No more babies :(

53 replies

Spongebob · 08/02/2005 13:17

My DP has just told me that he dosen't want any more children.(Although refuses to have the snip!! Coward) I had planned to have two...Have one DS 6 months. Although it has been tough (no friends or family nearby) and I also am happy with just the one, I feel selfish to bring him up an only child. Feel he needs a brother or sister. Am I depriving him if I decide not to have any more?

OP posts:

moondog · 08/02/2005 14:05

Oh!!! Well, then he's at least partly to blame.
Did he stipulate a time period?

Tinker · 08/02/2005 14:06

Argh - just noticed "there" instead of "their"

sansouci · 08/02/2005 14:07

Huh! Well, excuse us if we're disturbing your beauty sleep!

maltesers · 08/02/2005 14:11

may have missed some threads, but agree with mums who say give dh some attention. sleep with dh not ds and become romantic with him. that might win him round. i have three kids and wish i only had one sometimes. it is so much more easy with one child. the age gap of ten years nearly between last two doesnt help.

Original poster

Spongebob · 08/02/2005 14:12

I stipulated the time period. said I would be back in 6 months, which was 2 weeks ago. I suppose I am a little ott with the DS but don't you just love them soooooo much

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 08/02/2005 14:14

Re your original question about whether you will be depriving your first born if you don't provide him with a sibling....

I am going to stick my neck out and with humble apologies for upsetting anyone, personally I think children benefit from having a sibling(s)

(Ducks!!!)

This personal view is based on my own experience as a 'technically'only child ( whilst I have two siblings, they are much much older and had left home by the time I was 6 years old.)...also based on observing the mutual affection between my two children. But I accept my experience is very limited and other people have different experiences.

maltesers · 08/02/2005 14:16

sounds like your dh has lost you at the mo. not good to sleep with ds of 6 months. you will make a rod for your own back. get close to dh again. show him you care and how important he is. guess he thinks if you have another baby he will lose you even more. show him he is no.1 at times.

crunchie · 08/02/2005 14:17

Does your son sleep through now? If so there is no reason why you shouldn;t be back in the marital bed. Although I totally understand your feelings towards your son, I think you also can see you may have pushed your dh out a bit too. Personally I find having two kids better than one in loads of ways that are entirely selfish, like they play together leaving you to 'oversee' ie relax on the sofa with a glass of wine. An only child needs more parental attention (!) as they have noone else to play with

I also agree with Bundle, get your dh to do an activity 'boys time' together and you may find he changes his mind as once babies turn 1 they do seem to be more 'interesting' as far as blokes go.

Tessiebear · 08/02/2005 14:18

I think it is common to feel like this when your 1st baby is so young but at the same time things are starting to get easier. Your DP is probably thinking "there is no way i want to go through all that again!" I know i did at the same stage! Give him a year or so and he will change his tune - bet you

pinkroses · 08/02/2005 14:19

I agree hmc. I am an only child and although my parents did the best they could, i was lonely.

I always said if I was gonna have kids I would have two close together so they would grow up friends.....and it has worked my two get along great and play all the time.

bundle · 08/02/2005 14:20

tinker, moondog
i think it's just a semantics thing...we honestly both refer to it as "babysitting" when one or other of us goes out. (obviously there is no cash exchanged!)

sansouci · 08/02/2005 14:20

I agree with you, handleme. Watching my 2 together confirms that 2 is more fun than 1.

bundle · 08/02/2005 14:20

(and I honestly think the best "gift" I've ever given to dd1, was dd2)

crunchie · 08/02/2005 14:27

HMC I'll join you with that one and agree silblings are important. Even my best friend who has one child (not her choice her dh walked out when she was 10 days old) wishes her dd had siblings as she misses out on stuff.

However there are benefits to being an only, my neice goes to private school that if there were more children it couldn't be considered. She has 100% of her parents attention and doesn't have to share that with others, where my kids (if I get off the sofa dn put down my wine ) have to share.

moondog · 08/02/2005 14:28

No worries,bundle. Know what you mean but I also know plenty of parents where they do in all seriousness refer to the dad babysitting as if he is doing a favour to the mother.
Agree with Crunchie-to my amazement have found two children MUCH easier and more interesting than one. Dh and I are able to step back a bit sometimes and watch them together.

Much as I love my two, was never completely besotted all the time and hankered for at least a sliver of my old life back quite soon after they were born.

anonymouschap · 08/02/2005 14:44

I'm really happy with our son, in fact that's an apalling understatement, he is pretty much my entire universe, but if things were better between myself and mrs anonymous, i'd probably dare to tell her that I'd like another. She certainly wouldn't.

sansouci · 08/02/2005 14:51

Dare, Mr AC! Communication is vital in relationships.

Tinker · 08/02/2005 15:01

bundle - I was being cheeky. Like moondog, have heard male colleagues use the word as though they are really putting themselves out

bundle · 08/02/2005 15:05

logic · 08/02/2005 15:13

I would definately move back into his bed. I think that I would feel resentful if my hubby moved out! I can understand you being protective of ds but the whole family is important and dp is part of that. It is such a big lifestyle shock when you have a child though isn't it? I am due to have our second in May and a bit worried about how hard it will be. I would definately not get pregnant accidentally on purpose though. I think that is terribly deceitful and would quite rightly make him feel angry! It has to be a joint decision.

anonymouschap · 08/02/2005 15:16

I'd rather not think about it - I know I should, because one day, when it's far too late, I'll wish i'd told her, just in case, but of course I don't actually have to be pregnant and give birth.

noddyholder · 08/02/2005 15:38

I only have one ds and he is 10 now and I def wish I had had another He is not lonely has loads of friends etc but I feel that only children miss out on the feeling of being in a family and often through no fault of their own have a lot of focus on themselves which is good and bad

Cranberry · 08/02/2005 17:49

My dh and I had always planned on two. I have ds1 who's 3 and a ss who's 8 whom we see regularly. I sufferd PND after ds1 and now says he doesn't want anymore. Unfortunately things went from bad to worse and now 8 months on our marriage is at crisis point

Original poster

Spongebob · 08/02/2005 18:44

Sorry to hear that Cranberry.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 08/02/2005 19:03

You'll definitely need to go back in the marital bed if you want more children. Well, I guess a bed isn't technically necessary...

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