Question about rough sex - is it ok or unhealthy?

[sexquery]

I promise I am not a troll...

I like rough sex, but I find that some men are a bit uneasy about it. Recently I've met someone who's happy to do it but I've heard it said that a man who enjoys being rough probably has violent tendencies and could therefore be dangerous.

What are your opinions?

Nothing 'wrong' or questionable about rough sex if it's consensual.

In RL I'm the one who makes all the decisions, about the DCs and our home, about things we do as a family. To give up all that control in the bedroom is a huge relief, and it's a massive turn on when DP becomes domineering and rough because it's just so different to what he's like out of the bedroom. I have no apologies for liking a small amount of pain either, it's just the way I'm wired. DP is a sweetheart, and is a complete softie usually, so I have no fears that he's suddenly going to change character and become a bastard in RL.

Sorry about the name change, but so not doing this under my proper name!

OK, I never did find anything about crushing. Will somebody please enlighten me?

Crushing?

I have no idea. Sounds a bit OTT and rather dangerous if taken to extremes.

Not my cuppa T.

Although I do like being a bit "held down" but only on my terms.

I understand crushing to be when a man uses his body weight to crush you!

eg: he lies on top of you full length and puts all his weight on you so you find it hard to breath and is uncomfortable

I like lying on my front and having a bloke lie on me that way, so I'm 'crushed' into the bed...

sounds wierd but love it!

wotever floats ya boat

It is fine because it is between two consenting adults dittany.

And orgasms feel nice

In my experience being strangled by some fucker that wanted to kill me is completely different from having my lovers hands round my throat when we are having sex and playing games. I wouldn't say that a man that likes this sort of rough sex is generally a violent man. But then you can never be sure.

If your partner/lover stops when you say or give them a sign then that to me is okay.

Of course mutual consent covers it dittany.

And I don't engage in a sex life with my friends

You are coming over as a tad judgemental dittany. If you don't like the subject of this thread then you could always stop reading it.

And you look at my postings on this thread dittany. At no point have I said I have indulged in those more extreme forms of masochistic sex.

I find it difficult to understand myself actually, but I would always defend an individuals right to conduct their sex life in any way they see fit as long as no parties are harmed, coerced or bullied in the process.

Dittany, some people really like rollercoaster rides (and indeed, some people reckon that riding a rollercoaster or other fairground ride can be literally orgasmic) whereas others cannot understand why anyone would pay money to be violently hurtled about in a machine which can cause dizziness, breathlessness, vertigo and nausea. There are various hobbies people have which can cause physical pain and injury (historical reenactment battles, rugby, ballet, paintballing) which utterly baffle those to whom the hobbies don't appeal. For some people, specifically sexual pleasure is increased by certain extra strong types of stimulation: not everyone likes to do it that way but that doesn't make it wrong when those who are doing it consent to or even actively seek it out.
If someone makes gentle love to you on a bed of rose petals but you don't want them to touch you at all and are only putting up with it because they have threatened/blackmailed/drugged you into compliance, it's far more abusive than a bit of consensual spanking between people who are keen on it.

i posted a huge long post about this and then lost my internet connection

Sexquery: one very important question? do you trust this person? Seriously, do you trust him with your life? If you don't then you shouldnt be messing. If you do, then enjoy.

I like this sort of sex, alot. My DP indulges me. Im lucky Some people might think im weird. I like him to bite me, i like him to strangle me (although not to asphixiation, i dont like that at all), i like him to spank me and we have a whip and i like it to hurt. I like him to talk dirty to me and i like him to force me. Mostly this is done at my request, in fact only at my request. This happens in about 5% of our sex life. The rest is vanilla. For me, that sort of sex is the most intimate and loving, i feel closest to my partner when we do this. I don't know why. I do know that i can trust my partner with my life and that we love each other deeply. I couldn't do this with anyone whom i didn't feel this way about. But then i couldnt have sex with someone who i didnt love. He really only does this to indulge me, he isn't 100% into it, but occasionally he will get the urge and then, my oh my!!!!

This whole subject fascinates me and i shall follow this thread with interest.

Madamez, fancy seeing you here .

I dont think i can compare my DP to your DP though OP, because i had a lot to do to persuade my DP to do this and i really cannot understand why anyone would actually want to hurt someone else, which is a bit rich really coming from someone who likes this sort of sex. Just be sure you can trust him, if you have alarm bells then be careful. How well do you know this person? Is it a serious relationship?

It comes down to what turns you on and some people are turned on by naughtiness.
Crikey! some people dress up for sex, some paint their bodies in chocolate or whipped cream. Every one of us are wired differently. Some stuff is exciting to some but not others.
I feel like this conversation is just being repeated. It isn't wrong if it's consensual.
With regards to why the OP was asking the questions. Perhaps she was unsure that she was being normal. Maybe she's never heard of anyone else liking this sort of stuff. She needed reassurance that she is not being unhealthy. She's quite normal. So am I

solo, i think you are right. I have to say that i find the whole, whipped cream and chocolate body paint a bit weird, there are some fecking weirdos about aren't there! Honestly, i think its silly = but thats the point isnt it. Its not my cup of tea, but its someone elses - good for them.

what IS unhealthy though is the hour at which i am discussing this. I think i might just go and snuggle into DP

"For me, that sort of sex is the most intimate and loving, i feel closest to my partner when we do this. I don't know why."

Yes you do, you explain why in the next sentence

If you trust him and he knows how far he can go, set up a safe word/code so that it doesn't go too far, then go for it - best to have some code rather than just "stop" because it can ruin the mood and can mean any number of things. An example would be a traffic light system, green being that everything's ok, carry on; amber being I'm not comfortable with that; red being absolutely not, stop now! Replace colours with something else that isn't going to sound odd or going to be accidently said.

I don't agree it means anything sinister if a man likes it, often people like to reverse their vanilla roles. I've heard of people who are married to the boss, but at home the boss is the sub. I'm quite a loud person, I take charge of things, get things done etc. If you saw me with my OH you would think he is very sub, but actually I am. I would like to be far more lifestyle than we are and there are things I'd like to do that we don't, but it's not really feasible with a child and I don't think he could actually cope with it as he's actually a real softie.

We don't have a safe word and to be honest, my DP wouldnt have a clue what BDSM is. Apart from what he watches on sexcetera of course . Its just something that we enjoy from time to time. Me more than him. I wouldnt want it to become the "norm" for us though.

I think as long as it's consensual, you should enjoy sex the way you want it.

Thanks, it's interesting to read views on this and I feel somewhat reassured.

In answer to questions I do love this person, and he says he loves me but there are reasons why we can't be in a long term kind of relationship (it's not that either of us is married btw)

I identify with what you say lucyellensmum...