Thinking about someone else while at it...

[WhosThatGirl]

He's had his hair cut (OK, I cut it) and last night in the subdued lighting of our bedroom, I pretended he was someone else with the same hairstyle. I'm not saying who, or you will all guess who I am, and (duh!) I namechanged to be anonymous, but it's no-one I know personally.

Is it really, really bad that I actually enjoyed it for the first time by doing that?

My imagination didn't let me down. Dh only appeared again this morning.

[very bad woman]

My xh certainly thought about other people, as he told me he was doing so, during, as it were. That was not good.

But fantasising about other people - I think it's fine, provided you don't tell.

It's slightly worrying that it's been the only enjoyable sex you've had with your dh, but if you've managed to find a way to have enjoyable sex with your dh, hey, don't knock it. I'm sure he won't.

Not that I am saying that you shouldn't encourage DH to wear hair gel, mind ...

I'm kind of thinking it might be a dangerous habit to catch, though.

Thinking about t-bags doesn't have the inherent risk of saying the wrong name.

choosyfloosy, I've got no intention of letting him know, and yes, I know it would be hurtful, it's kind of why I feel so bad about it. I know it's fairly sad that it's been the only, um, enjoyable sex. No idea what to do about that.

WTG, I so know who you are! Sorry! If you are who I think you are, you have a fantastic imagination, so obviously you are not in the same danger as me of stuffing it all up by not being able to suspend your disbelief.

I'm not at all being judgey, I just wanted to say that it doesn't work for me.

Which is not to say that a little comtemplating of 'you're surrounded by armed bastards' doesn't get me in the mood to leap on DH.

bloody hell. rumbled.

'contemplating', obviously.

Didn't mean to make you feel bad or embarrass you. Now I feel about that.

I can honestly state with hand on heart i have never fantasised about anyone else whilst doing the deed

Now I feel about you feeling

But, erm, please don't tell anyone who I am [pathetic] (and thanks for the compliment about the imagination )

I have thought about someone else before

do I know who you are?

I have. No big deal. Fantasies are an integrated party of your sexuality, why not also when you are actually having it?

I sometimes even think about bathroom tiles. Then I catch my self and think "QS back to it girl!"

I might add, I dont think sexually about tiles in any way, but sometimes I am just not really there and my mind wonders, and I have to REALLY think about something hot to get back into it. (Bathroom tiles being the distraction, not hte HOT thought.)

lolol at bathroom tiles

can i ask why you are with someone you don't fancy?

Well, at various times in my life I have shagged David Tennant, Gene Hunt, John Cusak, Joaquim Phoenix and a whole host of other scrummy men. In my head. Doesn't do any harm. Variety is the spice of life and mental variety is probably the safest way to go whilst in a monogamous relationship.

Your secret is safe with me.

No Capp, you don't know me at all.

Dropdeadfred, it's a long, long story. And would probably identify me too.

I wouldn't worry about it

in a perfect world everyone would be in mindsmashingly lustful relationships, but it's not a perfect world. And if it's not worth making a life change over, then fair enough with the fantasy.

I do think that the kind of lust that is looking at your partner naked and thinking fnarr gets less and less with age, and something else replaces it, sometihng about expressing longterm love rather than just looking at tight abs etc (let's face it, we're none of us getting younger and kids don't help 0 if dh was looking for a pert young woman he'd have to look elsewhere).

If that longterm thing isn't happening then that's a problem.

otherwise go for it, with the, er, hairgel

Actually, having thought about it, do you think mentally shagging Mr/Ms X for a bit might make sex with DH himself better in the long term? Or would you end up so dissatisfied with the reality that not even hair gel would do it for you any more? And did you feel warm and loving towards DH afterwards or just irritated that he wasn't your fanatasy fella?

Well, that's it. He makes no secret about fancying me and gushes all the time about how good I look etc. It's so, so nasty of me to not reciprocate, and I do care about him. Just wish there was a nice simple button I could press to change what needed changing, but I guess, in the absence of that, a fantasy probably won't harm things, and he did have a big smile on his face when he left this morning.