boyfriend that I do not love but we have 2 children together has just walked out, do I grab the chance or take him back?

[laralamb]

Boyfriend of 11 years has got in a drunken strop and just walked out, should I just say that is the end and find someone new or should I cling on?

We have two children together, however they are both very young and I think they would get over their daddy leaving, should I just make a break for it?

if anyone needs more details please specify and I will be happy to give them.

i broke up with my husband couple of years ago i miss him every day. I have not still moved on thinking we will make up again. please advise

i spent my entire childhood praying my parents would split up.

it's not always better for the parents to stay together, a toxic home environment is extremely damaging to kids and constant drunken spats and loveless bickering do affect children in a huge way

Hi laralamb - there's some lovely advice on here from some of the other MNers with much more experience of long term successful relationships than me.
Personally I don't think you could have got to 11 years without being able to work at your relationship. There are some obvious problems you need to attend to here.

1. His 'bachelor habits' You need to say why it's not right. Not just that it's not right. If he goes out when you can't - it's a piss take!

2. Money, you guys need to budget together so that all the important things are covered.

3. He needs to see that you need him to help - doing everything yourself just shows him that his contribution isn't necessary.

Does any of this help or am i talking out of my arse?

thankyou for all your replies.

I have not been able to post since I have been at my parents with no internet connection (stone age parents lol)

Anyhow, Next morning he came back, and I showed him the thread, very surprised I'd been considering calling it a day. He has promised I can go out for an evening class or whatever every week.

He has also come to the conclusion that it is not fair on me for him to not look after himself, and is putting in the effort now to bath, shave, and a bit of thought into how he is dressing aswell.

he actually said these things before I even brought metioned anything, so he has known what my problems are but not realised how important such little things seem to me atm.

He held the baby for most of the weekend, she is really crabby and just whinges and wriggles when being held cries when on the floor, and does not sleep at all. So he is more sympathetic to it all.

I was honest with him, and told him it really is boredom with him, and I can't belive he does not feel bored aswell. He keeps saying no he is not bored at all, could never get bored . I just find it so difficult to come to terms with how polarised our lives are, we used to spend every second of ever day together, we ran a business together, went out together, never spent any time apart at all.

Now I'm looking after the kids and doing toddler groups etc all day, while he's at work, and then being up all night aswell with a grizzly little lady is putting pressure on us like never before. We are living seperate lives.

Definitly going to make some time together, we have decided to do something like rock climbing, kayaking or paintballing rather than just eating out or the pub. I think it would get us out of the predictability of it all.

I am hoping these changes dispel the boredom, plus I'm going to make an effort to appreciate what I have alot more, Im too selfish, and this is something I need to change about myself.

Again thanks for your replies.

lara, someone with whom you've got such a good level of communication must be worth a try it's good to see you've spoken with each other.

FWIW, I don't think you're selfish for considering all you did! Acting may have been construed that way but as it is, it was just part of a thought process which has led to a potentially great outcome or all of you.

Boredom does happen over time, don't feel guilty for nearly being caught out by it! The 'buzz' abates and it's down to whether what is left is worth the effort of spicing up, in more ways than one. It sounds like there's much there worth working for.

lara - you sound a bit childish tbh. you have 2 kids and you dont think they will be bothered - are you mental - do you have any idea how much damage that kind of upset does to children of all ages. do you actually have a life or do you sit at home - sorry but i am a bit shocked at this post. I am a single parent and i can tell you now love if you think having a nice bloke who cares about you is boring wait till you are stuck indoors for a month at a time with no money cause you have two kids to raise alone and cant afford a babysitter. or when there is noone to talk to or have a joke with at the end of the day. If your relationship isnt working by all means leave it but think about the consequences a hell of a lot more seriously then you appear to be right now cause its you who will manage it once he is gone. How will you feel when he finds someone else - when she is introduced to your kids - when you have to split eleven years of history. it wont be boring thats for sure.

just read your last post - at least that is something. seriously love you are very very lucky. there is a lot more to life then partying, and nice suits. dont throw eleven years away for nowt but needing some interests in your life.

I agree with prettyfly, you need to take a look at yourself really. You are very lucky to have what sounds like a very caring man. I bet he was really hurt by what he read.

oh come on, shes allowed a fucking thought process isnt she?
and shes lucky to have a man who is thoughtful/cares about her/does anything useful? ummm, isnt that the minimum to expect? i think he sounds v lucky to have her, and it sounds like hes realised that too, so good on him.
sheesh.
laralamb, i wish you the best with your life, relationship etc. i hope you both go on with youre lives together appreciating each other and learning how to enjoy life together.

yes she is allowed, but by posting she is inviting honest opinions. I post about my man all the time, we are having problems, but being bored is certainly not one of them. I just think showing him this thread was a shit thing to do if i am honest. He had to read that she is fed up and bored with him - charming. If i posted that about my DP on a public forum and then rubbed his nose in it, he would be out the door.

yes but he isnt your dp and she isnt you.
if showing him this thread was the way to get real communication going between them, then fine. it worked didnt it?

she does mention in the op that he walked out in a drunken strop, yet for some reason she is villified for everyone by daring to be 'bored' by being treated as part of the furniture !

yes, he did walk out in a drunken strop and that is not the behaviour of a good father. However she also says in one of her posts that is is usually her that is in the drunken strop.

27 is not young, i had my DD1 when i was 19. You have to grow up when you have children, it doesnt matter what age you are. So yes, they are both behaving immaturely. But to show someone this thread about how she is bored and that their children wouldn't care if they left, is humiliating and spiteful and not the act of a caring partner trying to open channels of communication.

It just sounds a bit shallow to me.

i dunno. i think sometimes the truth hurts but is necessary.

well yes, but showing him a bitch fest from MN is not the way. Poor guy.

I'm sorry, that was a bit harsh of me. I just feel that showing him this thread was wrong. I do however appreciate where the OP is coming from. I am a SAHM and it can be monotonous. I think the person who goes out to work definately maintains their identity and pre-baby life, just by definition of the fact that they remain in contact with work collegues etc. I no longer get invited out by my pre-baby friends because i don't see them. Saying that, i would not have given up my time as a SAHM for the world. So im sorry for being a bit nasty OP, i have a stinking cold and feeling a bit bolshy this week. I apologise.