To those with kids who have left their partners - What was the final straw?

[LuckySalem]

What made you think right that's it i'm leaving and i'm taking the kids?

Also did any of them put up a fuss (try for custody etc)

When he threw a toy at me and it rebounded and hit our child.

And he hasn't lived here since. He wouldn't dare try for custody, I had the police cme and take him away.

Oh NJ - That sounds horrible.

Without taking from your story is there anyone who didn't have a violent relationship that left?

when he shouted in the face of my 10 month old son/

he tried to fuss but i soon told him where to get off.

mine wasnt violent

Thanks for that scorpio.

So far seems that people only leave when something bad happens with the kids.

When he started drug dealing big time and we had kilos of weed stinking up the house and odd characters calling round all times of day and night. Oh, and DS would wimper and cling on to me whenever he was at home (which wasn't often).

Oh, and it was about that time I realised I didn't love him.

I am glad I made him leave while I still had enough regard for him to allow him to visit the children. because he does visit them, and they get a lot from it. I do think it is better to split before the relationship deteriorates beyond that point.

Violence and yes there was a fuss for about 6 months but not anymore

When I found my 15 month hiding under her cot shaking because my now ex was building into a rage. I could recognise the danger signs, hadn't realised she could until then.

Has anyone moved away? How do they deal with that?

you got something on your mind, LS?

LOADS but best not to put them here

Yes I moved away. He came to visit twice in the first 6 months and then dropped off the planet and I haven't seen or heard form him since and neither has ds.

OMDB - Did he have much to do with your DS while you were together?

Imagining myself still in the relationship 5 years down the line did it for me.

That thought filled me with absolute horror.

Thanks IB......

no violence, i just wasn't in love with him anymore(after the split it became apparent he didn't love me either). We'd reached a point that no matter what we did, or how hard we tried we just couldn't make each other happy. I was the one who 'ended it'.......get on well now and have equal time with ds.

QR - Even though it was you that ended it do you think it was mutual?

No violence on my husbands part, he was just a selfish git who I stupidly thought would change. After our sons first birthday I realised he wouldn't I left.

LS yes he did at first, and was a sahd for a while, but towards the end he was so fucked up on coke and weed and in such a mess with money that he was horrible, moody, violent andspend very little time at home alone with us. There where always loads of other people around, mostly his customers so DS didn't really know him and had witnessed his violent outbursts

and like IB the thought of still being in that relationship f ears down the line filled me with horror.

The realisation that if I stayed, we'd be having exactly hte same conversation 10 years down the line, but I'd be 10 years angrier, 10 years poorer, 10 years more disappointed and 10 years more bitter and angry with myself for not having done it 10 years ago. And my DC's would have grown up in a house full of anger and tension.

HTH.

Cross posted with IB - snap!

Cheers all.