Day 8....
I thought i saw a slight improvement yesterday.
I was going out last night(for dinner with the girlies) and decided that instead of cooking dinner for him and the kids i would get a takeaway from the chippy instead. This is a very rare thing in our house. So when he got in from work i simply said, Dinner is from the chippy what do you want? And he answered in a pleasant tone of voice, "Its ok i'll get it"
So he went and got it.
Then he was feeding the baby her bottle as i was leaving so i went to give her a kiss and thought sod it and went to kiss him on the top of his head and he lifted his face up for it!
Didnt see him then till i got up this morning but he is giving me short answers when i ask a direct question and so its seems no progress made at all. He is ignoring the older two children(both mine, not his) when they talk to him. Normally he keeps them quiet when i am having a lie in but today let them run around loudly, up and down the stairs etc. I suppose this is his way of saying "see what happens when i dont discipline the kids..." But i was lying in bed listening to them and they sounded like they were having so much fun. It was lovely as they are usually so bound up in rules and "be quiet", "stop that" etc. I have noticed that there have been a lot less tears and tantrums this week, and i am not as irritated by them as normal. Probably because i am not worrying about them annoying him. Got a bit of a f*ck it attitude. Let them be children.
The thing is... i agree with him that children need discipline, boundaries and to know who is boss, but i think that this has to be delivered alongside love, fun and instilling a sense of self worth. We have the same discipline "goals" iyswim, but disagree on the way it is delivered. I've watched enough supernanny type programmes to know what i want to happen and how, but he feels that the problem with the youth of today is that discipline is now too slack and his victorian method is best. He and his dad have a saying, "treat them like dogs and they will respect you for life" He also says "my two have turned out alright" But that is a matter of opinion and while they are not knife yielding drug dealers, i know they have issues with the way they were treated as kids. But dosent everyone? But they resent him for it.
So you are probably all screaming "Wtf are you doing with him?"
Well this is only one part of our relationship, and i feel the rest is really good. As bladebla says relationships are hard work, i think they need to be worked at all the time, i also think all relationships have at least one issue and this is ours. The problem is, it is a big one and the consequences of just letting it be wont just affect me, or him, in the way maybe another issue would. The sacrifices arent mine to make.
I'm sorry this is so long and waffly, i seem to be using it as a way of clarifing my thoughts, in the way relate would. i know i could go on my own but really feel confident with my stance, but just wish the silly b**ger would grow up and we could discuss it,and get on with life. ie this behaviour is a problem this is the way we will deal with it.
Think i'm boring people now but thamks for reading if you get this this far.